Page 36 of Liberating Bells
“It’s okay,” he shushes me. “We can talk about it tomorrow. Just get some sleep, okay?” I nod again. “I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.”
He leans down and presses his lips to my forehead, breathing me in. My eyes close as I accept his comfort. Pulling away, he makes sure I’m settled before heading out to the living room.
The glass of the window shakes with a roll of thunder. My fear of storms dissipated over the years, but after the events of tonight, my nerves are fried. I’m on edge, replaying Mark’s hurtful words over and over. I do my best to focus on my breathing, trying to calm myself.
I hear the TV turn on in the living room, though the volume is low. Then the clatter of glass as Ryan rummages in the fridge. The rain keeps coming. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to purge the image of Mark’s vengeful sneer out of my head.
He was so mad. I can still feel his grip on my wrists and the feel of him grasping a handful of hair at the back of my head. His words echo in my mind,“A fucking embarrassment!”He couldn’t have meant those words. He loves me—more than anything.
Guilt and anxiety knot in my stomach. Mark’s embarrassed by me. I made him look like a fool in front of our friends and his colleagues.
He asked me to be better. I can do that. I can be the perfect wife for him. I thought I was good enough, but now I know I just have to try harder.
I roll onto my side, being careful to keep the ice over my injured shoulder, and bury my head into Ryan’s pillow. I knowthis isn’t the side he used to sleep on. He’s more of a left-side of the bed guy. And even though he doesn’t live here anymore, his scent is still all around me. I breathe it in, letting it wash away the bad memories and wait for sleep to consume me.
Nothing.
Rolling onto my back, I stare at the ceiling. I feel like I lie there for hours, staring.
This is useless.
Throwing the covers back, my toes find their footing on the floor. I pad my way over to the door and pull it open. As I tiptoe down the hallway and down the stairs, I’m careful not to make too much noise. I don’t want to wake up his parents or sister.
I’m not sure what I’m after. Comfort, maybe? Ryan has always been the best at being there for me when I need him. As my foot hits a squeaky spot on the floor, his head snaps up, eyes meeting my own. My breath hitches at his surprised face, which quickly morphs to understanding.
He extends his arm across the back of the couch he’s settled on, wordlessly inviting me to him. I take a deep breath and approach the one man I feel safest with.
13
RYAN
“Hey,”I say to Bells. She stands in the doorway of the living room, playing with the hem of my old shirt. My arm extends across the couch, welcoming her to me.
Izabel gives a soft sound, and then scurries over. I try to ignore how she looks running across the living room, only wearing one of my old t-shirts and her black lacy panties. Tonight was an emotional night for both of us. The last thing she needs is for me to push the boundaries again. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”
Izabel snuggles into the crook of my side, leaning her cheek against my chest, and I wonder if she can hear my rapid heartbeat. I let my arm fall around her in a comforting embrace. My hand lands on her bare thigh, and I try my best to think of anything else but the fact that we’re skin on skin.
“I can’t sleep,” Izabel responds quietly, fingers knotted together in front of her. She lifts her eyes up to mine, and I take a deep breath. Her eyes are charmingly timid, the blue irises shining like the moon reflecting on the ocean.
“Is it the storm?” I ask her, wondering if her fear of storms had come back. She shakes her head, still looking incrediblyunsure as she nuzzles further against me. “Want to talk about it?”
She lifts her uninjured shoulder in a half-shrug and looks at the TV to see what’s on. I’m mindlessly watching a soap opera just for background noise. Then her eyes find the glass bottle of beer I stole from Derek’s stash. “Can I have one of those?” she asks.
I get up and wander into the kitchen, where I grab her another bottle and pop off the cap expertly. Handing it back to her, I reposition myself in my seat. Izabel snuggles into my side again, taking a big gulp of her beer and letting it ease away the strain of the evening.
I want answers, but I’m not going to push her tonight. I could, and in doing so, I run the risk of her shutting down again. Tonight, my focus is simply being present for her. I hope she feels safe here. As far as I know, Mark hasn’t cyber-stalked my parents’ address, and since I disabled her cell phone location, we should be safe. I don’t doubt that Mark could find her if he wanted to. But I’m hoping he has enough sense to leave her alone after what happened tonight.
Biting the inside of my cheek, I recollect the events of the evening, one after another. A fire burns in my chest, and I rub at my sternum, attempting to ease it. After dancing with Bells, I wandered back to our group, grabbing another glass of champagne to sip on. Josie came over to the table, looking awfully triumphant with a job well done after spilling her drink all over Mark. She eyed my glass, probably noting that it was my fourth of the evening, but she didn’t say anything.
I knew that was what she was looking for when she grabbed my chin and forced me to look at her before she let me whisk Bells out of there. She was checking my eyes to make sure I wasn’t plastered before getting behind the wheel.
After seeing Mark’s filthy hands all over Izabel like that, drunk was the last thing I could ever be. No, the adrenaline of hearing her pleas for help ate any type of buzz right up. I couldn’t control myself as I pulled him off her and socked him right in the jaw.
I flex my fist just thinking about it, relishing the ache. At least I got one good punch in tonight.
I don’t know what the argument was about. I didn’t hear much other than Bells asking Mark to let her go repeatedly, but I don’t think it would be too far of a stretch to assume it was about me.
I poked the bear tonight, and Izabel paid for it. Reaching for my own beer, I take a drink, forcing down the guilt that threatens to rise up inside of me.
