Page 59 of Liberating Bells
Words are often so hard to come by in the moment. This is why, for centuries, people have always written out their thoughts, feelings, experiences. Some of the world’s greatest novels are written out of heartbreak or tragedy. Knowing these calming benefits, I put pen to paper and start writing out my every thought over the last week. What makes me sad, angry, hurt. I begin to write it all down and allow myself to try to find some peace.
Dear Mark,
I can’t begin to explain how it feels to have someone you hold so dear, hurt you so badly. I wish that we could go back in time, but we can’t. I love you so much, but I have to wonder sometimes what that love means to you. Your jealousy and anger toward Ryan consume you, to the point where all you can see is red, and somehow, I end up with your hand against my throat, fighting for air.
It cannotbe this way.
We can be better, do better. It won’t be easy, but I love you, and I believe in you, and I’m willing to help you change. I know we have a long way to go, but maybe if we stand together for once, we can fix everything...
Barely over an hour later,I set the pen down and look at the pages of words I’ve written. I pile it neatly on the desk and turn away. Writing it all down was like ripping open a dam in my heart.
Now I’ll step away, mull it over, and then come back to it. Feelings can change quickly, which is why I think putting them into writing is more cathartic than just speaking.
I rummage through my duffle bag, finding a different set of clothes to wear, and then send my sister a quick message. I’lltry to meet her for a late lunch; hopefully, she hasn’t eaten yet. Then, I’ll be done in time to meet Ryan this evening.
I head into the hotel bathroom to reapply the makeup to my neck. Luckily, it hasn’t smudged yet, but I apply another concealer and powder coat around the area to keep it smooth.
Sage tells me to meet her at a small local café. After one last look over, I order an Uber and meet her there within half an hour. My sister looks every bit the business mogul’s wife in her straight navy-blue dress and nude-colored heels. It’s a different image than I usually conjure up of her. In my memories, she’s always clad in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. Seeing my sister, the professional, is a pleasant change.
She gives me a big hug, and then leads me into the café and over to a small cozy table in the corner of the building. A waitress comes by, and we order two sweet teas and mozzarella sticks. Sage tells me she already had lunch but will never say no to appetizers. Once the order is in, she turns to me, crossing her arms over the table.
“So give me the dirty deets. You’re here inNashvillewith your hot ex-boyfriend?” Her blue eyes, exactly the same as mine, light up in anticipation of the gossip.
I shake my head and roll my eyes at her. “It is definitely not like that. Ryan mentioned that he was coming here for a meeting with Bates, and I tagged along. I needed a change of scenery. And I missed you.”
“Aw, sis, I missed you too. How are the wedding plans coming? You still head over heels for the lawyer?”
“They’re coming along.”
Sage makes a face at me and dunks a mozzarella stick into the red sauce. “Don’t think I didn’t miss your avoidance of that second question, but we’ll let it slide for now.”
She’s just as bad as Juliet.
Sage tells me about life in Nashville. She and Teddy are taking the Bates world by storm. Teddy is still running the business as CEO, and Sage is working as the head of marketing. It sounds like she’s living the dream.
I sit and chat with my sister for a while until she says she has to get going. Sage drops me off back at the hotel, and I wander up to my room to kill time before I have to meet Ryan down at the bar.
Before I go back downstairs, I stand in front of the mirror to make sure I look presentable. I fluff my hair a little bit and double-check that my makeup coverage is still good.
I realize I’m arriving a little early as I find a seat right at the bar. The bartender comes up to me with a big smile and asks for my order.
“I’ll have a mojito,” I say, setting my clutch wallet down on the bar.
“A mojito girl, huh?” a guy next to me says once the bartender's walked away. I glance over at him, and then avert my eyes.
“Um, yeah.”
The guy scoots down a seat, coming closer to me. “Gotta say, I’ve never actually tried one for myself. Maybe I should.”
My nose wrinkles in discomfort. I turn to the guy and hold out my hand, displaying my sparkly ring. “I’m waiting for my fiancé to meet me. Would you mind going back to your other seat?”
The guy glances down at the obnoxious rock on my finger, his eyes raised in surprise. He gives a low whistle. “He really wasn’t playing around, huh. That thing must have cost a fortune.”
I don’t respond this time. The bartender returns with my mojito, and I take a big sip. My friend is still sitting next to me. He picks up his tumbler of whiskey and takes a small drink, keeping his eyes on me.
I breathe deeply, and then turn to him. “What do you want?”
“Oh nothing, darlin’. I’m just enjoying the view,” he says, and the drawl in his voice makes my skin feel clammy. He reaches up and tries to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, but I slap his hand away and glare at him.
