Page 70 of Liberating Bells
I press my head against his shirt, feeling the rhythm of his heart, but I stay quiet. I close my eyes, searching for those feelings that he elicited in me all those years ago. This is the man who convinced me to fall in love with him once upon a time—but still, I feel so disconnected from that version of him. He’s like a ghost, a presence I can feel around me, but can’t grasp onto.
Before, the beat of his pulse could calm me, but now it just sounds hollow. I don’t know what to say to him. I kind of feel likewe’re starting from scratch. This is the man I said I would marry in only a few months. Shouldn’t I know how to talk to him about these things?
It’s just like Ryan said. I should be able to have conversations with my fiancé without having to write him a letter beforehand. I shouldn’t have to be frightened of his reactions to my words.
I take a deep breath, and Mark tightens his hold around me as if he can tell something is coming. “I need you to be able to talk to me,” I tell him hesitantly. Here goes nothing. If he loses his shit on me again, then I’ll know there is no salvaging this. “And I want to be able to talk to you about things without you getting mad.”
Mark exhales against my hair. “I think that’s fair. I can work on that.”
He steps away slightly, giving me a tender look. Bending down, he aims for my lips. His hands resting on my waist, travel around to the zipper of my dress. I squirm away from him, putting distance between us. He has a hurt expression on his face, but I don’t care. Kissing Mark will lead to sex, and I have no interest in that with him right now. I’m still far too conflicted from the thoughts and emotions swirling inside of me to even consider sleeping with him.
Mark’s hurt appearance slowly morphs into something else as his eyebrows pull together. It’s not anger, but I’m unable to identify it. “If I’m going to make such a difference in our relationship, then you have to too.”
My head spins from the quick change of tone. “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re not completely innocent in this whole thing either. You need to start acting like my fiancée instead of running around trying to make me jealous all the time.”
I pause. His harsh tone quickly pulls me out of any lingering dream-like feelings I was in after my weekend with Ryan. Rightaway, I go on the defense, feeling my muscles turn ridged as I face him.
“Mark, that’s not?—”
“What? That’s not what you were trying to do? You know how I feel about him,” he growls, pointing his finger at his chest. My pulse rises as I recognize the direction this conversation is headed. “And I know how he feels about you. So, stop acting like a slut and start focusing on the wedding we have coming up.”
I feel my jaw drop at his words. He might as well have just slapped me again. “Mark,” I gasp. I can’t believe he just said that to me. As if that’s the final straw, any sense of understanding flies out the window.
I know I should feel guilty for what transpired between me and Ryan over the weekend, but I don’t. If anything, it was a reminder of what I deserve.
“No.”
All it would take would be for me to leave this house, run to Ryan, and let him follow through on his offer to protect me. That’s all it would take. Then I’d be free.
Like he can hear my line of thinking, Mark raises a challenging eyebrow at me, and his face morphs into a snide expression. “What do you mean, no?”
“I don’t want to do this with you anymore. I can’t. I won’t.”
Mark clenches his jaw, tight enough that the muscles tick. The silence is deafening as he mulls over the implications of my words. My fight-or-flight response is slowly going into overdrive, waiting for him to say something. “I don’t think you’re prepared to play this game, Izabel. You don’t know who you’re going up against.”
I stand my ground and lift my chin, but don’t say a word.There’s an ominous streak to his words that has me second guessing talking back to him. The glint in his eye thattells me that he really isn’t playing around, and I don’t want to know what happens if I push him too far.
So I stay quiet. But my refusal to speak seems to send him over the edge. Before I know what’s happening, he’s raising his arm and striking the back of his hand against my cheek. The brunt force sends me flying into the wall. I cry out and clutch at my now burning face. Through my tears, I look up at him, hoping he can see how he is breaking me. But all I see is his fury.
“Let me make something clear,” he sneers. “You. Are. Mine. Ryan had his chance to keep you, and he fucked it up. So now you belong to me. I get to decide when we’re done and when we’re not. And right now, I’m saying we’re not.”
I blink at him and swallow thickly. My throat feels tight. Sweat breaks out on my arms, and my stomach roils with the implications of what he’s saying.I should have stayed with Ryan, point blank. I should have let him take me away far from here.
But I didn’t.
And now I’m stuck here, with no end to this torture in sight. Mark isn’t going to change. I know that now.
Mark leans back and laughs humorlessly. “See, I didn’t want to do this. I came back early, hoping you would’ve gotten over what happened last week, but it seems you’ve just taken the time apart to blow it way out of proportion.” He sighs as though he’s disappointed with me, and then pinches the bridge of my nose. “Let’s just drop it and move on. We both have a lot on our plate, and we need to focus.”
Focus.All I have to do is play it cool, and let his temper run its course so he’ll leave me alone.
“I got you this while I was out of town,” Mark says, his voice taking on a lighter tone. “It’s kind of a mix between anI’m Sorrygift and anI Love You.”
I’m still cowered against the wall as he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small black box. He holds it out tome like a peace offering. I watch him warily but take the box, nonetheless. I’m scared to know what would happen if I refuse.
Inside the box is a heart necklace. It’s made of silver, but in the center is a huge sparkling diamond. I blink a few times as I take it in, my eyes trying to process what they’re seeing.
