Page 93 of Liberating Bells
Ryan’s eyes go wide, and he presses his lips together. He’s frozen in place for a minute before he clears his throat awkwardly. His eyes flick from the bottle to me, and he rubs the back of his neck. I can tell he’s uncomfortable, and I immediately feel embarrassed.
My brain kicks into overdrive as anxiety washes over me. What was I thinking? I shouldn’t have assumed that we were at this point. He’s clearly not on the same page as I am. I should’ve tested the waters first before diving into the deep end.
“Sorry,” I whisper, setting the bottle back on the counter. “I shouldn’t have assumed anything. It was stupid. I’ll just go to my room.”
I try to walk by him, but he catches my hand, halting my movements. Ryan lets out a forced sigh and turns me around to face him. His hand comes up to cup my cheek, and he kisses me tenderly.
When he pulls away, his eyes are gentle. “Thank you, Bells. I know you were trying to be sweet. This means a lot to me.” I can feel thebutcoming, and I brace myself for the easy letdown. “Butthere’s something I’ve been keeping from you. I should’ve been honest.”
“What is it?” I ask, panic setting in. Does he have someone else? Is he going to ask me to leave?
Ryan takes a deep breath and runs his hand through my hair. “I’m sober.” At my blank expression, he elaborates, “Things this year were...rough, to say the least. I resorted to some not so healthy habits any time something had me down.”
“Because of me?” I ask, mortified.
He shakes his head and pulls me closer. “No, it wasn’t your fault. It was the situation. It was me. I was weak, and I turned to the first available vice to numb everything out. Josie’s been helping me work through it, but I haven’t touched the stuff since.”
I feel so embarrassed I’m not quite entirely sure what to say. Now I know what Josie meant earlier when she said she wasn’t sure if Ryan could handle another blow. I can’t believe he didn’t say anything earlier.
I untangle from his grasp and walk over to the sink. The bottle is still in my hands, and I unscrew the cap. Ryan follows me into the kitchen, hot on my heels.
“What are you doing?” he asks, confused.
I shake my head and start pouring the amber liquid down the drain. “Well, if you’re sober, then we’re not even going to keep this here as a temptation. I don’t want to be the reason you turn to that again.”
Ryan steps behind me and wraps his hands around my waist. He leans over and presses his lips to my neck. I suck in a breath and lean back into his embrace.
“I love you, Bells,” he whispers against my skin.
The whiskey is all gone, and I drop the bottle on the counter before turning to him. “Thank you for telling me. I want to support you like you support me. We’re a team,” I say hesitantlywith a smile. Ryan stares at me for a second before grabbing my hand and pulling me behind him. A laugh bubbles out of me. “Where are you taking me?”
Ryan glances over his shoulder and gives me a heated look, promising me exactly what he's planning. His eyes roam over my body, leaving a trail of longing where they land. “I’m going to unwrap my present.”
33
RYAN
I glanceup from my tablet screen when I hear their voices. Izabel’s words are timid, but the therapist speaks to her in a soothing tone. I pull my glasses off as I watch them emerge into the waiting room.
“Don’t worry, Izabel,” the therapist smiles at her. “We’ll touch base next week and pick up where we left off.” Then she pats Izabel’s arm and turns around to head back into her office.
Bells walks over to me and collapses in the seat next to mine with a sigh. “How’d it go?” I ask her as I hand her the coffee I picked up from the cafe next door.
Her face lights up as she takes it and sips gingerly. “Mm, this is amazing,” she moans, taking another drink.
“It’s a caramel macchiato,” I say with a shrug.
“Thank you. It went okay. The therapist rationalized a lot of my fears and paranoia. She says that’s perfectly normal for someone to be experiencing after being in a relationship like I was.”
I rub my hand over my jaw. I don’t want to push Izabel on anything; if she wants to talk further about her session with me, I’ll listen. But honestly, it’s not really my business. All I care about is that she has someone to work through all this with.
I all but insisted that Izabel get in with someone as soon as possible a few days ago. We were at the grocery store, and Izabel went into a full-on panic attack because she thought she saw Mark. She completely shut down and froze right there in the checkout line.
It wasn’t him. It was some other tall guy with brown hair, but that was enough to convince me that she needed to talk to someone about all that had transpired. Then Izabel reluctantly told me about what happened at school on Wednesday with the cross-country team. That sealed the deal for me.
On top of her terror going about her day-to-day life, I think she still has a lot of things to work through before she’s back to her usual self. There’s still a part of Izabel that seems to be stuck in that submissive state, worried about speaking too loudly or taking up too much space. It seems that every time something happens, she’s apologizing, as if that will solve it. It’s almost like a reflex. Something goes awry and Izabel begins profusely apologizing.
Josie gave us the name of a therapist that she’d spoken to before, and I made Izabel an appointment for this morning. Izabel asked me to come with her, which I was more than willing to do. But I still made sure she had her privacy in session.
