Page 84 of Liberating Bells
Before I know it,the whole week has passed by. I’ve been living in some kind of time warp, barely existing and going through the motions. With each day, I’ve begun to hate myself more and more. It’s the small sneers from Mark, or his snide comments about how I’m under his control, that keep me feeling like I’m insignificant.
When Friday evening rolls around, I’m standing in the back of the church Mark and I selected for our wedding ceremony, staring straight ahead but barely seeing anything. My dad is standing next to me, waiting for our cue. It’s only the rehearsal, aimed toward working out any kinks in the program. According to Mark’s mom, though, we might as well be really getting married tonight.
“It’s just formalities,” his mom boasts as she waves her hand this way and that, barking orders and making our wedding planner cower in her wake.
My hand is tucked in the crook of my dad’s arm. I stare straight ahead of me, unfeeling, unthinking, numb. Juliet and Sage stand at the end of the aisle, each holding a paper towel roll as a stand-in bouquet. They got creative and balled up some colored tissue paper to look like flowers. Mark is acrossfrom them with his two groomsmen. Even though the wedding planner is hustling about this way and that, explaining what needs to happen, Mark’s eyes are locked on me. A menacing smile paints his face, one that screams that he’s winning—he’s getting everything he wants. All I can muster back is a grimace, at best.
I grip my dad’s arm like a lifeline, begging for him to lend me strength. The wedding planner cues me, and my song starts playing. The song that Mark’s mother has picked for my procession. My dad leads me down the aisle, practicing his tempo to the beat of the song. I can hear him counting his steps under his breath. I dig my fingernails so tightly into his arm that he slightly flinches away from me.
This is my wedding weekend. I should be over the moon with happiness and whimsical anticipation for the next chapter of my life. I should be so in love with the man I want to marry that all I feel is motivation to get down that aisle to him. But all I feel is dread. Every cell in my body is begging me to turn and run away. I don’t want to be here. Ican’tbe here.
I get halfway down the aisle before I skirt to a stop. Everyone freezes and all eyes are on me. I gasp as if I’ve been underwater for years, and I’m finally resurfacing. Air fills my lungs, and I can breathe again, at last. My dad looks at me in worried surprise, but my attention is only on Mark. His cold brown eyes and his ever-increasing aggressive posture. I know he knows what I’m about to do, and he takes a step forward, his dark eyes daring me.
I’ve been continuously thinking about my conversation with Thalia about love. I told her the person you love is supposed to be the most important person to you, your missing piece, someone who makes you whole. I can’t get over how much thatisn’tMark. It willneverbe Mark.
When I close my eyes and imagine my future, I can see it all: the house, the babies, the dog. But I don’t see it with Mark. It’s Ryan. It always has been. These last few years I’ve been living in an alternate reality, but the truth remains: Ryan Miller is everything to me. He’s the missing piece.
My chest rises and falls with labored breaths. Juliet’s eyes widen, moving closer, noticing that something is very wrong.
Mark takes another aggressive step toward me and growls a warning, “Izabel.”
I step back, and Mark’s face erupts with anger, but for the first time in what feels like forever, I feel no fear. The shackles have fallen away—I am taking my freedom back. I tear my eyes away and look at my dad.
Dad is watching me closely, gauging my every move. I squeeze my eyes shut for a second and then look at him. “No.” My dad stiffens and tilts his head. I say it louder this time, loud enough that everyone can hear it. That Mark can hear me. “No. Do whatever you need to do, Mark. But I willnotmarry you. I could never love a monster like you.”
I risk one more look at Mark, recognizing the murderous expression that has taken over his face before I release my dad’s arm and reach for the gaudy engagement ring on my left hand. I hold Mark’s gaze as I take it off and throw it at him down the aisle. I’m not going to risk handing it to him and having him grab me. Before anyone has a chance to stop me, I turn and run back down the aisle, leaving everyone in the dust. I hear the confusion and questions, and Juliet calls my name as I run into the women’s powder room and grab my purse and my overnight bag. I was supposed to spend my last night as an unmarried woman with Jules, my best friend.
I bolt out of the church before I lose my nerve, tearing out of the parking lot in my car before even putting on my seatbelt. My phone keeps lighting up with calls and messages, so I turnit off right as I pull into the driveway of our house. I run inside to the guest bedroom where I’ve been staying, quickly pulling a handful of clothes out of my closet and sticking them in a suitcase. My eyes keep darting over my shoulder to make sure no one has followed me.
I only stay long enough to grab some essentials before running back out to my car. Driving across town, I don’t stop until I’ve reached the parking lot of my destination. I grab my bags and head up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
I knock on the door rapidly, still feeling numb. Scared. Excited. Nervous. Overjoyed. Liberated. My heart is thrumming and adrenaline courses through my veins.
Please, be home. Please, be home.
I hear a thump and a round of laughter before the door opens to reveal Ryan grinning wide. His face morphs into confusion as he takes in my flushed appearance and the suitcase propped up beside my legs. “Bells?”
“Can I come in?” I ask him. I’m out of breath from running up the stairs.
Ryan stares at me for a moment before sidestepping and opening the door wider, allowing me to enter. My body is vibrating from the events of the evening, and I wonder if he can see it. I glance around and see Josie sitting on the couch. She’s got chopsticks full of some kind of chicken halfway up to her mouth as we lock eyes.
Ryan comes and stands behind me, sticking his hands in his jean pockets. Josie looks back and forth between Ryan and me, and then puts down her chopsticks and folds up the white takeout box. She clears her throat as she stands and brushes off her lap.
“I’m just gonna go…but I’m taking this with me,” she mutters before grabbing her takeout and heading toward the door. Shepats Ryan on the shoulder as she passes him, and I hear her mutter, “Don’t screw this up, Charming.”
Ryan chuckles under his breath at his friend, and then she’s gone. He turns to me with an eyebrow raised. “What’s going on, Bells?”
I hesitate for only a second as my eyes roam over him. He's looking at me expectantly, his hands still in his pockets. A defensive stance. His shoulders are tight, broad.
“I did it," I breathe out.
“You did what?”
“I escaped. I called it off.” I say, nervously. Ryan’s eyes go wide, but then they narrow in confusion. He knows the wedding was supposed to be tomorrow. Talk about last-minute adjustments.
“You called it off?”
I sink my teeth into my lower lip and nod, observing Ryan. He doesn’t seem to know what to do with this information. I can't hold his wariness against him, as I've completely caught him off guard. It's an unusual occurrence, but Ryan looks...nervous.
