Page 14 of Everything In Between
She gives me a careful smile which tells me she absolutely does not believe me. To be honest, I sometimes don’t know ifIeven believe myself. “Do you think that what happened with Corey is still holding you back?”
“Corey?” My ex-boyfriend and I broke up six months ago, so I wouldn’t think he’d have any effect on my life anymore.
“Yes, Corey. I know you had a lot of plans for what you wanted your life to look like with him. Which made it hurt so much more when he told you he didn’t want any of that with you, right? I can understand why it might be hard to move on, both professionally and otherwise. Why it might be hard to find joy in something you both shared after being betrayed.”
“When did you get a degree in relationship psychology?” I tease her. When she doesn’t laugh at my weak joke, my eyes fall to my lap. I pick at my thumbnail, doing my best not to clam up at the mention of my ex. “No... maybe. I don’t know. It’s hard for me to think about still.”
The only time Icanthink about it is when the words force their way out of me in the form of a tortured cadence of lyrics. I jot them down safely in my notebook, giving them the space to exist without having to deal with the fallout.
“What if, in reaction to that, you went the complete opposite way? I’m worried that after Corey shut you out, you’ve been too quick to accept what your life is supposed to look like instead of chasing your dreams.”
I turn to her and wait for her to continue with her explanation.
“Ever since your breakup with Corey, you’ve kept your head down and done what is expected of you, putting your entire heart and soul into your work. But what if it’s time to put all of that energy back into yourself? I’m worried if you keep going forward like this, Cal is going to crush you—more than he already has. Three years is a long time that you’re stuck with him and the label, and I’d hate to see you miserable that entire time.”
“You think me texting Hayes will fix all of that?” I ask her, going back to the topic that brought all this to fruition. Texting Hayes couldn’t have such an effect, nor should it.
“No, but I think it might be something fun, give you something to look forward to outside of work, outside of the label. Maybe it’s time to move past whatever’s been keeping you back. You shouldn’t have to settle.”
Panic floods me. “You think I’m settling?”
“I think that the pressure from Cal and the heartbreak from Corey had you putting up your defenses, and so you did what you had to do to survive and get through that. And Cal has a track record of beating you when you’re already down,” Bethany says. “But all men are not like Corey or Cal. They’re not all going to look at your relationship like a competition or see you as a stepping stone. Somewhere there’s someone out there who will see you foryouand convince you that you never have to settle for anything in your life. That you can achieve any greatness you set your mind to.”
“So you think texting Hayes Vogt is a good idea and I should put myself out there?”
She shrugs. “What have you got to lose?” I level her with a quiet look that saysa lot. Her blue eyes sparkle, challenging me right back. “Okay, well, why don’t we make a pros and cons list? You love those.”
She has me there; Idolove those. I adjust myself on the couch and reach for my notebook, opening it to an empty page and grabbing a pen. “Fine. Con: I may get hurt again.”
“Pro,” Bethany redirects, pointing at me, “he might make you happier than you’ve been in a long time.”
I scribble down her note. “Con: he’s an athlete, and I don’t do sports.”
“Pro: he’s not in the music industry, so you don’t have to worry about any conflict of interest.”
Tapping my lips with the pen, I say, “That’s actually a good one.”
“See?” Beth rolls her shoulders back triumphantly.
“Being in the same industry was a major point of contention for me and Corey,” I mutter while I write it down in the pro column. “I’ve never dated someone outside of the music scene. I have no idea what that would be like or where to even start.”
“Probably with a text message.” Bethany nudges me again.
I shake my head. “There’s not enough to sway me either way.”
“Oh, come on, Jersey. Are we really going to nickel and dime this? I say shoot him a text, say ‘hey,’ and see where it goes. Like I said earlier, what have you got to lose?” I roll my lips between my lips and she sighs. “At the very least, what harm could come from it?”
I think about it. “I guess not much. But what about time commitment? Cal still has me on that tight schedule. I don’t know if I even have the time to be talking to someone else.”
“You don’t have time to text him? It takes approximately two seconds to send a text message.”
“You know what I mean. What if it turns into something more?”
She shrugs. “What if it does? That’s down the road. All we’re talking about here is opening that line of communication.”
I bite my lip, knowing full well that she’s choosing to ignore the obvious. A singular text could turn into a much more time-consuming relationship. That could divert my focus and make things so much more difficult with Callum. “I’m not sure if that’s the right thing for me to be doing right now.”
“I disagree, but continue.” She points at the list. “Pro: Roman likes football, so he can help you understand the rules and such. Pro: he says Hayes is generally not involved in drama—don’t lie, I know that is appealing to you.”
