Page 90 of The Burdens We Share
I look up at him and nod and watch his back as he rounds the bed and exits the room. As the door closes behind him, it’s like a spell wears off of me and I suddenly realize where I am. I’m in a fucking hospital. Ihatehospitals. They remind me too much of my father and what happened to him and I-
“Hello?” Aria’s voice draws my attention.
I take a few rapid breaths, “What?”
Brody asks, “You okay?”
I lay my head back, “I’m fine. I just…I just realized I’m really in the hospital and I can’t handle hospitals. Not after my dad.”
Selene lays a hand on my shoulder, “You’ll be out of here soon. Just focus on your breathing and if it gets to be too much, we’ll have Dallas come back, okay?”
I nod and take a long breath, “You’re gonna be a great mom.”
For the first time in my life, I get to witness a true, glowing smile on Selene’s face. “Thank you.”
Brody repeats her earlier question, “Tell us the details, Mom! How far along are you?”
Selene answers, “I’m about three months right now. Barely showing I just look fat.”
Aria’s eyes light up with excitement, “Do you know the gender?”
Selene shakes her head, “Not yet. The doctor said it may take another couple of weeks.”
I ask, “What do you want it to be?”
Selene raises a brow and my manager returns, “I want it to not be anything like you three, that’s for damn sure.”
We laugh and the room suddenly goes quiet. I swallow and ask, my voice low, “Things are really gonna change now, huh?”
Selene nods, “They are. After I have this baby, I’m not going to be able to focus as much on managing you three. I may need to take on some extra help, or you three may just need to stay out of trouble.”
Brody sits down on the edge of my bed and places a hand on my shin, “Things have been changing a lot lately. The truth is Selene, we aren’t really those girls anymore. We’re not the girls that drove you insane with stress and gave you a ton of problems to deal with. I got my shit together and I stopped partying, drinking, smoking, and taking drugs. I’ve been on the straight and narrow and I got my life on track. I’ve never been happier in my entire life and I have an amazing fiancé that I still can’t believe is mine. I have no desire to resort back to my old ways, I just want to keep being this version of myself forever. I grew up. The things that used to matter don’t matter anymore and all I want now is to spend the rest of my life with my fiancé and maybe have a kid or two.”
The confession is so raw. The emotions that pour out of her words leave no room to question her own conviction. Aria speaks up, “I’m in the same boat. I used to care so much about being the best band, winning all the awards, and I totally lost who I was in the process. None of that shit matters anymore. Did the sex tape ruin my life temporarily? Yes. But I’m so glad it happened because it made me grow up. I couldn’t keep going down that path I was on and acting like a wild animal constantly and waking up in places I didn’t remember being at the night before. It was all fun and games in the moment but it left me feeling so vacant inside. I’m with B. The only thing I want now is to settle into this life Sly and I created for ourselves and maybe start a family in a couple of years.”
Everyone looks at me and I swallow before lamenting, “Nearly dying put a lot of things into perspective for me. It made me realize that I could’ve died and the only things I would’ve accomplished were being a famous bass player with a temperamental attitude and an affinity for drugs and alcohol, a model with a fucking eating disorder, and a really shitty actress who didn’t even get to finish starring in her first film. None of that holds any true substance. I mean don’t get me wrong, without all of it I wouldn’t have you three and you three are easily three of the most important people in my entire life and I wouldn’t trade you for anything. But where’s the substance? Where’s the depth? I don’t want those things the way I used to. I mean, of course, I still love what I do, but it just isn’t my first priority anymore.”
Selene asks, “What is?”
My lips curve in the corners, “Not taking on every burden imaginable. Letting someone, Dallas, share them with me.” I continue, “Love is my priority now.”
Selene cocks her head to the side, “So what you three are saying is that you’re going to stop causing me heart palpitationsand high blood pressure so that I can be a new momandstill continue to manage you?”
Brody laughs, “That is exactly what we’re saying.”
Chapter 28
Ivory
Four months later
We occupy our seatsin the red velvet theater seats, Dallas seated beside me with his hand in mine. Harvey is seated to his right with Brody beside him in a stunning silver gown that looks like molten stars around her curves. Beside her is Aria who’s adorned in a fabulous low-cut baby blue number. To my left is Selene who sports her baby bump like the best fashion accessory in her floor-length black gown and next to her is her husband who holds her hand on the armrest of their seats.
A hand on my thigh captures my attention and I look up at Dallas and damn, every time I look at him it feels like the first time. He’s so painfully handsome that it almost hurts my eyes to look at him. “Are you alright?” He asks, concern in his jaw. Ever since my near-death experience, he’s struggled with anxiety over losing me. Sometimes he wakes with nightmares of my death and that’s on the nights that I’m not having my own about Calvin Worshire, but ultimately we have each other and always fall back asleep in each other’s arms.
Dallas has become so in tune with my emotions and he pays attention to every minute detail of me. Hence why he noticed my lack of attention on the screen premiering our movie. I nod at him, placing my hand over his and entwining his fingers, “I’m okay.”
We focus back on the screen and watch the entire movie play out. It’s so strange to watch because I remember these events occurring. I experienced them. It’s almost like we ripped thememories from our brains and put them on a screen for millions to share. It makes us vulnerable for our many weaknesses, but it also makes us strong. The movie replays our entire journey. It starts with me, living in Staten Island, New York, and navigating the death of my father. Then it follows me to LA where I met Brody and Aria at a bar after a really shitty attempt at singing. It then plays the memories of us becoming the best of friends and also losing ourselves in vices. It follows Brody’s journey with her legal battles, meeting Harvey, getting clean and sober, and sticking to the straight and narrow. Then the movie follows Aria’s journey of having a leaked sex tape and struggling with her public image and also the after effects of Rogan and his kidnapping of her. Wow. Now that I think about it, my friends and I have a bad habit of being kidnapped.
