Page 72 of Worse Fates
“I think he was just as surprised, but Jace was still Jace and he stayed with me. The next day we pretended nothing happened. But then a week later he came back into my room, this time taking pictures and I couldn’t pretend again so I ran to Kai’s.
“The next day Jace found me and begged for my forgiveness. He’s been under a lot of pressure. We’re family. He loves me. Kai laughed in his face, he’d seen my neck, so why the fuck would I forgive him?”
A humourless laugh drops from my chest, landing with the blunt weight of a sandbag.
“Wanna know the worst part? It was Kai’s face, like a sucker punch. Because I did, Lucero. I forgave him.”
The memory of that day resurfaces. The way Kai thought I was joking. The horrible, twisted sadness on his face when he realised I wasn’t, like he’d somehow failed me. When he used his body to block us and the pity in his eyes when I moved around him. Then comes the shame, trying to swallow me into its bottomless belly.
But I push the memory away. Shove it back hard enough to leave my muscles aching.
“Golden. Oh my love, you did nothing wrong.”
Lucero’s voice takes my shame and leaves behind comfort.
“Monica found…she found the pictures he took, and of course was disgusted, she pleaded with me to leave with her. But if my best friend couldn’t get sense into my head, neither could she. Soon a pattern started; he’d beat or strangle me. I’d run, then he’d find me and beg and I’d return to that stifling fucking flat. It was like the walls were closing in, I could barely take a breath. But how was I going to escape? I didn’t make enough money. And nobody wanted to give a chance to the stupid guy who couldn't even finish school.”
“You’re not stupid, Golden.” Lucero’s voice leaves no room for argument.
I shrug, feeling miserable. “I don’t feel very smart.”
“I never finished school, either. I never even started.”
Lucero’s intense blue eyes hold me. “Really?”
He kisses my cheeks, jaw and the tops of each ear. “Really. You have your skills, as we all do. Just think, in all these years no one has broken through to Vidar and yet a few charming words and a smile from you? But it’s fine, love, my sweet Golden, you don’t need to worry because you have me now. So if you cannot see your own value I’ll always be here to remind you.”
My heart melts for my vampire, and I lay back into the protection of his hold—giving me the courage to continue to the worst and biggest betrayal.
“For a few months Jace stayed true to his word and never hurt me. Then one night he comes in again and I was so fucking pissed off, because hepromised. But this time he…” I suck in a breath to calm my racing heart. “Jace told me to hold my t-shirt up to my neck. To this day I have no idea why I even did it, I was just so surprised and lost and…I did it. Then he started to touch my neck, stroking my bruises like…I really don’t know. He moved down to my chest. My nipples. He got his…he got his t-thing out.”
I squeeze my eyes.
Fuck sakes, what am I? Twelve? Why can’t I just fucking say it, but I’m stuttering like a loser. People have gone through so much worse. Butthatword is lodged in my throat.
“Golden.” Lucero tilts my face to his. “You can stop now, or you can keep going. But no matter what I’m here, and you are braver than you will ever give yourself credit.”
More tears escape, my heart rattles between my ribs, my shoulders shake—but it’s okay. Lucero is here, no one else. He’ll keep me safe.
“Jace never touched me withitand I was frozen to my bed. Yet the look in his eyes said he was waiting for a reason, that if I even shifted an inch, he’d justify anything. He wantedme to fuck up so badly…he’s never…Jace always supported me, Lucero. I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong.
“People told me Jace looked at me like I belonged to him. It pissed me off, even at his worst we were fucking family.He was my family!” I bite out, air hissing between my teeth. “It. Was. A. Lie. He lied to me again and again and…”
Whales swim on the TV. Calming blue from the TV and from my vampire’s eyes. I am guarded more than I’ve ever been, yet still the past finds a way to wrap hands around my throat and keep me in place.
“Nobody wants to be my family.” It’s hard to admit a truth that cuts when you speak it.
“I do.” Lucero’s voice pushes through all the self-doubt. “However, even if I wasn’t here, Kai is your family. You have friends around you who love you, Golden. When you had that, why did you want Jace?” There's no judgement in his question.
I shift. “Is it completely creepy to say because Jace was older and wanted to look after me, when I like you because you’re older and want to take care of me?”
“No, lovely.”
I chew my lip. “Jace made me feel safe. He always knew what to do, even when we were kids. It was reassuring. Does that make sense?”
“Of course, beautiful. Sometimes we do things to protect ourselves, even if they aren’t logical. Even if it hurts.”
“I’m so tired of hurting, Lucero,” I whimper into his chest.
