Page 43 of Shattered Dreams
Her voice.Jesus fuck—I've missed itsomuch.
Ava walks upstairs, shrugging off her jacket as she heads into the bathroom. I catch a whiff of an unfamiliar cologne and know it'shim. My stomach twists as I leave them to it, heading downstairs to pour a drink.
I've spent the past week being a full-time parent to Poppy, and it's exhausting. I take my hat off to Ava—she does this alongside ajob. I haven't even considered training or practice, but I know I have to get back to it. Now that Ava's home, I'll be back to hotels, which isn't ideal. My parents live further out, but I could always go there.
My mother called the other day, checking on Poppy and Ava. She didn't ask how I was, simply handed the phone to my father, who listened as I told him how I'd ruined my life. He didn't disagree, just told me I had to do whatever Ava wanted now because I'd thought with the wrong part of my anatomy.
Thanks, Dad.
I down my first whiskey, pleased that it burns going down. Any minute now, Ava will be here asking me to leave.
I could ask to stay, but I don't expect her to say yes anytime soon.
I hear her enter the kitchen, arms folded as she gazes at me coolly. I don't say anything, only offer her a drink, lifting the whiskey bottle.
"No, thank you." Howformal.
"I've missed you." The words blurt out, and she widens her eyes at me.
"If you're going to start the conversation like that, I'll take that drink."
I pour her a whiskey, hands shaking as I walk over to her, stopping further away than I'd like. I can't help but look for signs of her being with another man, but I can't see anything obvious. I feel sick wondering if they didn't just fuck—worse, if they made love.
Kill me now.
"Ava, I'm so sorry. Please hear me out."
She sits on one of the stools, crossing her legs as she watches me. "I'm listening, Roman."
"I have no words that can express how sorry I am. I'm a bastard, and I don't deserve you. I fucked up, I can't even explain why I did what I did..." My voice trails off as I see the hurt in her eyes. "Becauseno onecompares to you. I had no right to do that to you. I have no right to expect you to forgive me. But I want you to know that I understand why you want a divorce."
I swallow, my throat thickening as she meets my eyes, her expression unreadable.
"If you want to be withhim, then I have no choice but to understand and accept it. I don't deserve you, and maybe he does."
Liar. Fucking liar. He can’t have her.
I lift my drink, draining the whiskey as her eyes fill with tears.
"But I want you to know how much I love you." I move closer, and she stiffens, hand raised. She doesn't want me near her. "I've fallen asleep thinking of you and woken up hugging a pillow like it was you. I've dreamed about you every night, and no one will ever come close to you. I love you so much, Ava. I'm sorry I ruined us."
"You did ruin us." Her voice is barely a whisper. "You destroyed everything we had."
"I know?—"
"Do you?" She stands abruptly, fury blazing in her eyes. "Do you know what it felt like? Finding out my husband was fucking another woman while I was home with our daughter?"
"Ava—"
"Howdareyou." Her voice rises. "Howdareyou stand there and tell me youlove meafter what you did. After you let another woman touch you, kiss you, have you?—"
"Stop—"
"Did you think aboutmewhen you were inside her, Roman? Did you think about your wife while you were filling some other woman'scunt?"
I slam my glass down, the sound echoing through the kitchen. "And what about you? You lethimtouch you. You let Kieron have what'smine."
"Yours?" She laughs, the sound sharp and broken. "I stopped being yours the moment you choseheroverme."
