Page 49 of Shattered Dreams
18
AVA
Iwake to see the familiar ceiling above me, the duvet wrapped around my body like a cocoon. I allow myself to blink slowly, the reality that surrounds me sneaking upon me like a silent assassin.
Then I wonder why the other side of the bed is cold, and I remember that my husband cheated on me and that he is sleeping in the spare room.
Wonder-fucking-ful.
I roll over, his pillow smelling of him as I feel tears prick my eyes once again. Will this ever end? This feeling of not being happy anymore, the emptiness without him by my side. I hate how much I love him, hate him for doing this to us—hate the fact I can’t just crawl into bed with him and hide in his arms. He always protected me from everything, and he had my back in every eventuality; except this.
I sit up, wrapping my dressing gown around me as I pad through to Poppy's room. She’s hanging out of bed with her mouth open, still fast asleep.
I smile as I walk in, lifting her back into bed as I pull the covers up around her. Maybe if I’m lucky, she’ll sleep for anotherfew hours. I watch her sleep, wondering what she is dreaming of. My heart aches with love for her, and I wonder if her world will ever be the same again.
Fucking Roman.
I head downstairs to make a pot of coffee, my eyes adjusting to the light as I drag out the milk from the fridge, still yawning.
"You're up early."
I whirl around athisvoice, holding my hand to my chest as I see Roman sitting by the window. He’s holding a mug, staring out onto the garden as he smiles faintly. My heart hammers in my chest at the sight of him, creased t-shirt, bed hair and muscular forearms—and I fight every instinct to run over to him and beg for him to rewind time.
I decide not to answer him, making a large coffee with lots of milk before I stir sweetener into it. I'm still stirring slowly when he stands up, resting his palms on the flat of the kitchen surface.
"Are you alright?"
I’m just fucking peachy.
But I stare at him without emotion, lifting the mug to my lips. The physical need for him right now is almost primal, throbbing, trying to climb from my skin and wrap itself around him.
My pussy, the fucking whore, wants his dick so bad. Tough shit. There’s no fucking way I’m touching him again.
"You know I'm not," I reply flatly.
"I know." He sighs, running a hand through his hair.
I hate that I still want him. My anger has subsided to that of my need and desire for him, but I refuse to obey. I'd spent the past week in bed with Kieron, but he’s back in England now.
Still, it gave me a confidence boost and pulled aside a veil I didn’t know existed—showing me what else was out there.
Who else was out there.
"Don't leave me, Ava.Please." Roman’s voice cracks before he sucks in a deep breath.
Is he trying not to cry?
I look up at him, and he stares at me with the same look as the one I saw in his eyes all those years ago. The same man who loved my smile, who couldn't getmeout of his mind. The man who had proposed to me and asked me to be his wife. The man who cried when our daughter was born.
The man who had well and truly broken my heart.
"Roman. Be realistic with your expectations."
He swallows, clearly not able to accept I don’t want him. My body may yearn for him, but I’ll find someone else to do that with.
I’m not letting my cheating husband anywhere fucking near me, not again. No matter how good it felt.
"I know you don't trust me. I wouldn't either."
