Page 50 of Shattered Dreams
"You ruined everything." The words leave my mouth before I can stop them, but maybe I’m addicted to seeing the pain in his eyes.
He bows his head. "I’m so fucking sorry. Our life was amazing. I'd do anything to have it back."
"Until you get bored again. Or the next starlet flutters her eyes at the one and only famous NFL quarterback, Roman Muller. Women won't ever stop trying to get you into bed; the only person that can isyou, and you did a fine job of that last time."
He nods, his jaw clenching as he stares at me, walking around to me slowly before he stops.
"I won't ever risk losing you again. I've never known pain like this. You and Kieron...it nearly killed me. You need to know how much it has hurt me too. It's not any different just because you did it out of spite."
"Out of spite?!" I gasp, shaking my head as I move towards him. "Iwantedto fall in love with him so badly. I didn’t do it just to spite you, Roman! I wanted to come back here and leave yourcheating ass in the dust!" He’s so fucking egotistical to think the only reason I slept with Kieron was to get back at him. I mean, that’s partly true, but also, I needed the attention, the comfort…the mind-blowing sex.
He gazes at me before opening his arms out. "Yet here you are. Whyareyou still here, Ava?"
"I’m here for Poppy," I snap, rage searing through my veins.
What does he want me to say? That I’m here for him? Ha!
"I'm not going anywhere. You can hate me forever, but I'mnevergoing to give up on you. I'll quit the NFL. We will move to fucking Hawaii if you want. I don't care. I just want you."
I stare at him as he holds up his hands.
"Whatever I have to do to prove it to you, I will. I'll do it all. Just say the word."
"It isn't that simple," I tell him. "You hurt me?—”
"And you hurt me too!” His eyes flash as he moves closer. “You slept with the one guy Iknewwas in love with you. The one person you told me you felt nothing but platonic friendship for. Not only that, but you went and stayed with him for a week after!"
"And? I’m not cutting ties with him, Roman. He hasn't ever married me and had an affair whilst I cared for our daughter. He doesn't think I'm boring or dull, and trust me, he couldn't get enough of me. Unlikeyou."
We stare at each other, then he slams his mug down on the table, dragging his hands over his face in despair. "So what do you want?" he asks quietly, chest heaving as I lift my eyes up to his.
"I wanted what we had. But that was the version of you that would never, ever have done this to me. The man that made a promise he would love me forever. And right now? I don't know if that man exists anymore."
"I do, Ava. Ido."
He holds his head in his hands then, and I reel with the realisation that he is crying. In the whole time I've known him, I've probably seen him cry twice.
Good.
"Then you'll understand why I can't get back with you," I say as his shoulders shake.
For a moment, my instincts want to comfort him, but I stop myself. I stay where I am, watching him break down, and something hardens inside me.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," he weeps.
I watch him, unable to believe he thinks that his tears are going to be what brings me back. Does he think I’m that much of a pushover? That he can cheat on me and ruin my life, and potentially our daughter’s life, and I will just take him back after a few weeks?
Fuck, no. I don’t want him back.
He looks up at me, his eyes shining with tears.
"You didn’t deserve this. I don't deserve you. But I need to know if you really want a divorce. I have to prepare myself, Ava."
I allow myself to inhale his anxiety, to let it soothe my sore nerves, to smother the insecurity that he created.
Then I aim for the centre of his soul, his heart, his entire world.
"Yes, I want a divorce, Roman," I state quietly, stepping back when he reaches for me. "I won’t forgive you."
