Page 79 of Christmas at the Movies
‘Where’s Nick?’ asked Sarah.
‘He’s a naughty, noisy baby.’ Holly pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. ‘I want him to go away.’
‘Holly!’ said Sarah. ‘You can’t say that. Remember how much you wanted a baby brother?’ She felt like a hypocrite,as there were times she wished that Nick would go away, too. Just for a few hours, so she could get some sleep.
‘Sibling rivalry is perfectly normal,’ said Miss Varma, laughing. ‘By the way, there’s a letter in Holly’s schoolbag about our class nativity. You’ll need to make a costume – Holly’s going to be a sheep.’
Oh, God,thought Sarah. How on earth was she going to find time to do that?
‘Baaaaaa!’ Holly bleated, wiggling her bottom as if she had a tail.
‘I’ve noticed when we’ve been practising our carols that she’s got a lovely singing voice,’ said Miss Varma.
It was true – her daughter loved to sing. Holly’s singing was one of the few things that soothed the baby.
‘Can we go to the library, Mummy?’ asked Holly, tugging on her hand. ‘I want to get a book about sheeps so I can be a good little lamb.’
‘Sure, honey.’ Anything to avoid going back to the chaos at home.
They walked to the library, with Holly singing the Christmas carols she’d learnt at school. Located at the end of Plumdale high street, the library was a small golden stone building with a peaked roof. Inside was a wonderful children’s section.
As Holly ran off to look through the picture books, Pam Cusack, the librarian, came over to admire the baby. ‘Oh, isn’t he precious. What a little angel.’
Sarah burst into tears.
‘Oh, dear,’ said Pam, hurrying to get her a tissue. ‘Someone’s got a touch of the baby blues.’
‘I’m sorry,’ said Sarah. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Heisperfect. But I can’t seem to stop worrying that something’s wrong.’
‘Those first few months are so hard,’ said Pam. ‘Why don’t you rest here for a minute.’ She led Sarah over to an oversized beanbag chair. ‘I’ll help Holly choose some books.’
Nick was still sleeping in the pram. Sarah curled up on the beanbag.
I’ll just shut my eyes for a minute…
‘Wake up, Mummy,’ said Holly, shaking her arm.
Sarah sat up and peered into the pram. It was empty. Nick was gone. Someone had kidnapped her baby. ‘Nick!’ she shouted, staggering to her feet. Sarah’s heart raced. She couldn’t breathe. Cold sweat drenched her whole body. ‘Someone’s taken my baby!’
‘It’s OK, Mummy.’ Holly pointed across the library to where Pam was gently bouncing Nick in her arms. ‘Nick woke up but we let you have a nap.’
Dizzy with relief, Sarah collapsed back onto the beanbag. Her breath came in ragged gasps and her heart felt like it was going to explode.
Oh, God,she thought.I’m having a heart attack. I’m dying. My poor children are going to be motherless.
Coming over, Pam put Nick gently back in his pram. She crouched down next to Sarah, stroking her back. ‘Try to take deep breaths.’
Sarah tried to do as she’d been told, but it felt like there was a tight band around her chest, making it hard to get air in her lungs.
‘Count to five on the exhale,’ coaxed Pam.
Eventually, when her heart rate had slowed and Sarah could breathe normally, she said, ‘Thank you.’
‘I think you had a panic attack,’ said Pam, handing her a glass of water. ‘Shall I fetch James from the cinema?’
Sarah’s hand shook as she took a sip of water. ‘No!’ She didn’t want James to know what a bad mother she was.
‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Sarah,’ said Pam. ‘We have a lot of books about anxiety in our non-fiction section, if you’d like me to show you.’
