Page 65 of Sophie's Ruin
She pressed my shoulder in a comforting gesture before slipping out of the room. My attention zeroed in on Henry the moment the door had closed behind her. Before I knew what Iwas doing, I was rising from my chair, my body moving of its own accord. I approached Henry’s bedside as if pulled by an invisible string and sat down in the chair Isabelle had occupied.
I didn’t deserve to be here, but I couldn’t fight the pull. I wanted to be close to him, to soak up being in his proximity in case he sent me away when he woke up. My hands twitched, itching to reach up and touch him. I wanted to trace his chiseled features, which I could picture perfectly, even with my eyes closed. My lips tingled as I wanted to brush them over his brow, his cheeks, and the hard line of his jaw. But I didn’t dare disturb him. And just as I didn’t deserve to be in this room and by his bed, I especially didn’t deserve to touch him, to feel the smooth skin under my fingertips. So, I folded my arms on top of the bed and laid my head down, my gaze fixed on his face so close yet out of my reach. Before long, sleep pulled me under.
31
In my dream, I was still in Henry’s bedroom, standing before the window, the heavy gray curtains closed tightly. My brows wrinkled. Why was I inside? I’d gotten used to being outside in my dreams, with Henry all hard, lean muscles and sun-kissed skin by my side. He was here with me now, standing to the left of the window much like he’d stood when I’d watched my last sunrise before being turned. My gaze darted to him, and I flinched. His arms were folded over his bare chest where the wound I’d inflicted was still healing, and he glared at me from beneath the dark brows.
“How could you do this to me?” he snarled, disdain dripping from his voice.
My heart twisted in my chest as breathing became difficult. Tears rushed to the surface and spilled, rolling down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” I rasped. “I wasn’t myself. I was lost, just like you said. I wanted to destroy our enemies. I wanted to keep you safe. I was scared of losing you?—”
Henry’s laughter interrupted me, and it sounded all wrong—cold and dead. I’d never heard such a sound from him before, and it made a shiver of trepidation curl down my spine.
“You were scared of losing me?” he asked, his eyes blazing. His gaze was scathing, blistering my skin. “The things you did…how could you do them? You were scared of losing me? Well, now you’ve lost me anyway. How can I love someone who’d committed such atrocious cruelties? You are a monster, Sophie. I can’t believe it has taken me this long to see it.”
A keening sound escaped me as violent tremors began to shake my body. I couldn’t breathe in this place, inside this room with Henry spewing words of hatred at me. Why were we here and not under the sun, where the air was clean and not filled with smoke and shadows of the darkness? Why were the curtains closed tight? It was daylight outside, I could feel it. I needed to open the drapes and let the light in, let it banish the darkness that had filled this space, suffocating me. Maybe then Henry would see that not all was lost, that there was still hope for me, for us. I reached for the curtains and pulled them apart, desperate to escape the darkness. The sunlight blinded me, and I screamed.
Sophie!
I screamed as the flames erupted, eating up my skin and incinerating my flesh and bones.
Sophie!!
My eyes flew open. I was staring at Henry. He was sitting up in the bed, clasping my shoulders.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his gaze searching my face.
“Yes, it was just a nightmare,” I replied, my voice hoarse from screaming in my dream.
“I gathered that,” he said, his hands gliding down my arms before sliding back up to my shoulders, then to my neck as if making sure I was really here and in one piece. “I mean, are youokay?” he asked, cupping my face.
My chest constricted as tears blurred my vision. I’d thought I’d see loathing in his eyes, but I saw potent relief instead, andthe scattered bleeding pieces of my heart pulled closer to each other as if they might stitch themselves together one day.
“You’re asking me if I’m okay? After what I did?—”
He sealed his lips to mine, silencing me. The salt from my tears mixed with the taste of him, and a whimpering sound escaped as I kissed him back, my tongue stroking his. Relief rolled off him in waves. Relief, not the hatred I’d been dreading to find when he opened his eyes. There was almost a longing in the way he kissed me, longing for the one he’d fallen in love with. For who I used to be before I turned into this…monster.
I abruptly broke the kiss, rising from the chair.
“How can you ask me if I’m okay?” I said through the tears, as I began pacing the room. “How can you touch me? How can you kiss me after everything I’ve done?”
“Because I love you?—”
“I’m a monster!” I shouted.
The words rang out in the otherwise quiet room, loud and condemning. Once they were out, there was no taking them back. They carved into my skin like lacerations, like a brand to mark me for all eternity.
Henry grunted, trying to leave the bed.
“Don’t!” I stepped closer, throwing my hands up as if to stop him from a distance.
He winced in pain as he rested his back against the headboard.
“If you don’t want me to come to you, then you need to come to me so we can talk.”
“How can you even want me near you?” I asked low, the words difficult to get out.
