Page 67 of Sophie's Ruin
“I don’t need their portraits to remember them. Their faces are forever seared in my mind. For the longest time, I saw them every time I closed my eyes. They don’t haunt me as much as they used to, but I wish they still did because I don’t deserve a reprieve from the constant reminder.”
My chest constricted at his words because I knew it would be his face contorted in agony that I would see every time I closed my eyes. I hoped the image would haunt me for years to come because I needed to suffer for the pain I’d inflicted on him. I deserved it.
“So, you see, Sophie.” Henry lifted his gaze to mine. “If you are a monster, then I am one, too. In fact, I am worse than you. You slaughtered our enemies; I slaughtered innocent people. People I loved more than anything else in this world. People who trusted me.”
“It’s not the same,” I interjected. “You were not yourself. You were a new vampire, overcome by bloodlust.”
“And you are a new witch,” he pointed out. “Perhaps when you become something new, something inhuman, the darkness is right there, hiding in the shadows, waiting to lure you to its side. It knows you’re vulnerable. It can smell your fear, and it tries to sway you, testing you. So, you have to give it everything you’ve got to stay true to yourself.”
I thought it over, angling my head.
“Celeste said there are realms alongside this one and that there is a constant war between good and evil.”
“I believe it,” Henry said without hesitation. “The darkness is treacherous, always waiting for you to falter, ready to sink its claws in.”
“That’s no excuse for what I’ve done. You should be disgusted by me, by the things I’ve done. I’ve hurt you...” I went to turn away, unable to look at him.
“And I forgive you.” He cupped my face, holding me in place to make sure my gaze stayed on his. “Now, you just need to forgive yourself.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I rasped, my voice raw. My insides were raw, too, as if my chest had been flayed open.
“You can and you will because it will make me happy. You want to make me happy, don’t you?” His tone was serious, not teasing. He didn’t need to ask—he already knew the answer. “Our love is bigger than what happened, than what you’ve done. It will overcome it, but only if you let it. Please…let it,” he whispered. “Don’t hold on to what happened. Because if you do, you will be holding on to the darkness, inadvertently letting it win.”
32
“Ihave something that I think will help,” Henry said, letting go of my face to reach into the top drawer of the bedside table.
My eyes widened when he pulled out the locket holding the portrait of my mother.
“My necklace!” I exclaimed, my hand flying to my chest.
I’d forgotten Camilla had ripped it off my neck back at Stern’s lair. I hadn’t missed it because I’d been so consumed by the darkness, but now that the haze had lifted, it felt like there was a void in my chest, in the spot where the locket usually rested.
“You went back there? After everything you endured in that place?” I stared at Henry in disbelief.
His face became ashen before he replied, “It wasn’t easy. But for you, I would face my worst nightmares. Always. Turn around.”
I shifted on the edge of the bed to give him my back.
“Where is the Tear?” he asked, gently moving my unbound hair to the side.
“I gave it to Amelie for safekeeping. I didn’t think I deserved to wear it after…”After the monstrous acts I’d committed.
Henry didn’t say anything as he clasped the delicate chain of the locket behind my neck. He didn’t immediately pull away, placing a soft kiss on my nape, which elicited a soft gasp from me. As soon as the weight of the locket settled on my chest, I wrapped my fingers around it and took a steadying breath.
“She would be disappointed in me,” I said in a shaking voice as I faced Henry again.
“No, she wouldn’t,” he replied, knowing that I’d meant my mother. “You stumbled and fell, but you will pick yourself up. I will help you.”
“You will? Do you still want to be with me?” The words were difficult to get out, but I had to know. I couldn’t take another breath in until I knew where we stood. With one word, he could grant me everlasting happiness or sentence me to eternal damnation.
“Do I still want to be with you?” Henry chuckled low as if he couldn’t believe I’d asked that question. “Sophie, with you is where I belong. I told you that you were my heart, and it’s the truth. My heart beats alongside yours in your chest. Can’t you feel it? If your heart ever stops, mine will stop too, for I don’t want this world without you in it. And I don’t want this life if it’s not with you.”
My vision blurred as tears welled in my eyes.
“I love you,” I breathed. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” I whispered, planting soft kisses on his brow, his eyelids, his nose, and his cheeks.
I briefly pressed my lips to his before brushing kisses along his jaw and his neck. The tears fell, and a sob escaped as I buried my face in his chest. He held me as I cried, trembling in his embrace. I wept for what felt like hours until the sobs racking my body slowed, and I relaxed in his arms. We sat in silence for a while, with him stroking my hair and placing gentle kisses on my temple. When I felt ready, I lifted my face from his chest andlooked into his eyes. The deep blue of his gaze washed over me like calming waters, soothing my battered heart.
