Page 45 of Taken to Nobu
“I have been informed that Kuana briefly instructed you on the procedure for the chamar,” he says, “You will tell me if this is correct.”
“Hexa, she has. She’s been doing a great job. I only hope that I can remember everything and honor the tribe.”
He blinks twice in quick succession. “You will.”
“I don’t know about that.” I remember Kuana’s words and the dishonor I have caused him and exhale in a rush, “So I pass the torch that’s handed to me and once the body is lowered into the grave, I place my stone after Kuana does. Then you.”
“Hexa.”
“Where do I find the stone?”
“You will follow my lead. All will be clear. I will not allow you to dishonor yourself.”
Too late for that,I think, but I don’t voice it. I don’t say anything. Because all this time I thought Jaxal was teaching me how to be strong, and though my body might be stronger, my heart is weaker than it ever has been.They call me their warrior Xhea, but I’m a coward. Kuaku was right all along — they deserve better.
“Thank you, Okkari,” I whisper.
The lip of the cave entrance has risen up over us now, towering high overhead. So vast it makes me feel like an insect staring up and imagining the cosmos. My gloved hand flexes towards the Okkari’s, wanting to hold onto something to anchor myself, but I restrain myself at the last moment.
Instead, I make sure to walk at his side as we approach the gathering crowd. Packed in under the awning of the cave entrance, even though they face away from us, their shoulders angle our way and they watch us as we walk. They’re staring at me harder even than they’re staring at him. I’m not surprised. After all, I’m the reason they’re all here. Re’Okkari would still be alive if I hadn’t been so vindictive.
Self-hatred hits hard and all I can do is roll my shoulders back and stare straight ahead, trying my best to mimic the Okkari’s stance and attitude. Before us, the silent crowd parts. Their shuffling feet and rustling fur suits are the only sounds besides the fire crackling in huge screa basins carved directly into the stone walls. It gets warmer the further we walk. Never quite reaching a state of real heat, it’s definitely not cold by the time we reach the front of the congregation. There, a long stretch of dirt extends to the back of the cave, which is trapped by shadows too dense for light to penetrate. And between us and that darkness are dozens of mounds. Maybe hundreds of them. Maybe thousands.
Stacked stones form cairns that remind me of graves on the human colony, but only when they’re fresh. The sand comes strong, burying the graves by the end of the solar they were laid. Here, the graves are permanent, immortalized. Each mound representing someone who will never be forgotten by the passage of time because their stones remain. Their stones proved they existed.
The power of this place rushes over me like a wave, so hard I can’t stand. I reach out, scrambling to grab hold of something. Finding his arm, my fingers snake down past his wrist and take his hand. He doesn’t react, or if he does, I don’t see it. I’m staring straight ahead at the patch of dirt that has been dug up. Lying there, as if in sleep, is Re’Okkari.
He lies face up, his eyes covered with two small, flat stones that frighten me.Why does he travel to the Great Ocean of the After blind?I can feel Kuana’s presence as she steps in place beside me, but I still feel panic when Okkari surges ahead. He breaks the contact of our hand long enough to retrieve two stones from a collection near Re’Okkari’s grave. He hands me one of them. Removing my gloves as he has, I take it, and with my free hand, I take his.
This time, I feel him jolt beside me as I lace my fingers with his, but he doesn’t move or look at me or break the connection. Instead, he keeps his face forward and we watch as, villagers approach the grave one-by-one to lay their stones on Re’Okkari’s body. Time passes slowly, but eventually the cairn grows taller, forming a clipped peak awaiting its apex. It stands just as proud and jutting as the others.
My heart summersaults in my chest when Tre’Hurr and Va’El make their way to the cairn. Va’El is no longer limping, which is a relief, and when I manage to catch his gaze, he gives me a very subtle nod. I return it along with a half-smile before casting that same humbled, torn expression at Tre’Hurr next. She smiles back at me sadly before the pair folds into the crowd. Before long, Kuana, the Okkari and I are the last one’s left.
Kuana returns from placing her stone and a reverent hush settles over the crowd. All is still. I inhale quietly.Steady…steady…I wait, but the Okkari seems to hesitate, and I realize quickly it’s likely because our hands are still linked and I don’t want to release him.I’m scared. Petrified.So when I move forward, I tug him with me. He pauses on the first step, then joins me, falling into line at my side.
The cairn is high now — up to his chest and my forehead. My shawl stretches as I place my stone beside his. Our fingers glance as I do. I look up at him and he is looking down at me and all I want him to know in that moment is that I’m sorry, so sorry for everything.I thought I was here to kill aliens, but the death of one feels like death to me too.
The Okkari jerks, his ridges hinting at color before he stiffens and the color dies. He turns from me then to face the village stretched out before us in a mass of stoic mourning. Though they may not be an expressive people, I can still feel the desolation of this place. The bitterness. The love.
“Re’Okkari was a brave warrior.” The Okkari’s voice is deep and more melodic than it has a right to be. He speaks loudly, but without shouting, and it sends splashes of ice rattling down my spine, followed almost immediately by a warmth that makes it possible to overcome.
“He fought honorably until the end in defense of our Xhea, and in defense of our home. His sacrifice will not be forgotten. Not only does our Xhea live, but the hevarr will provide sustenance to the entire village through the coming icefalls and make it possible for us to thrive through the storms. May the Xaneru within Re’Okkari go now to reunite with the Xana of the universe. We will raise our torches now to help light his path…”
“Wait.” The word punches out of me on a breath. I can feel a fresh tension thrumming through the throngs, though it’s nothing in comparison to the tension of Okkari beside me. I look up into his gaze pleadingly, and when he blinks that’s the only concession I know I’ll get. I take it.What am I doing?Something. Anything I can.
I take a step forward, releasing the Okkari’s hand so that he and Re’Okarri’s cairn are behind me while I face the village. The entire village.What am I doing?I look to Kuana and even though she is utterly expressionless, as they all are, the sight of her bolsters my confidence.
I inhale deep into my belly and say, “Kuana, would you translate for me?”
She blinks with her too wide eyes and a breath of color crosses her forehead before it fades. After a split instant’s hesitation, she approaches me and bows at the waist. “It is an honor, my Xhea.”
“Thank you, Kuana.” I turn then and my bones feel like glass as I lift my voice and do the unthinkable — I address all of the aliens at the same time and with the express purpose of honoring one of them. Maybe all of them.
Words burn as they spill out of me. Raw and shameless, I confess, “I built a cairn for my best friend’s mother. She died giving birth to a hybrid human-Dra’Kesh child. That child is now the Rakukanna.”
Kuana inhales so deeply I can feel the air shift between us. She raises her voice loud and it wobbles only once. The crowd is silent, but I haven’t been stopped or dismissed.I keep going. “It was the first cairn I ever helped build. I’ve built many more since. We humans have known much suffering. For a long time I have blamed the whole of Voraxia for that suffering, including you here on Nobu.
“But to have condemned the whole because of the actions of a few is wrong. And to have brought any amount of reciprocal suffering onto you, is even more so. I am honored by the actions of Re’Okkari, Va’El, Ka’Okkari, the other hunters and trackers who took down the hevarr, fighting like beasts themselves. And I am deeply, deeply honored by our Okkari who delivered the fatal blow.” I swallow hard and wait for Kuana to catch up to me. As I do, I dare a glance over my shoulder to see the Okkari standing there with his hands at his sides. He’s stiff. Blank as a void.
