Page 27 of Taken to Nobu
“Hexa. The microbes contain healing properties. They are responsible for saving your life when you were brought from your human moon to Voraxia. The healer has informed me that you were then in the merillian for thirty four solars. Your wounds were extensive. The Okkari says it is because you fought khrui in order to save the Rakukanna’s life — and that you succeeded in killing two. Please excuse my impertinence but I would like the honor of asking if this is correct.”
“I…” I’m still dizzy, but sitting up, I manage to recline against the edge of something hard. As my head spins momentarily, I blink and focus only on small green face. Kuana… I lick my lips, feeling…comfortable…whole. Fixed. “I did.”
Tsssak. Tsak. Tsak… Enormous grey beasts advance on Miari and me. They’re all claws and all I’ve got is my grabar, an amp that Miari made with only one pulse, and a willingness to die.
“Wow,” she breathes, lips curling up but it looks like she’s trying to fight it. “That is so impressive.”
“The Rakukanna,” I exhale.
Her ridges flash grey. Her mouth turns down. “Why do you seem so sad? The Rakukanna is well. She is in Illyria where she rules Voraxia alongside Raku and nurtures their growing kit. It will be the first Voraxian-human offspring born since your earliest Hunt with the Dra’Kesh. Our entire federation is extremely excited to hear more news of the kit.”
A deep grief fills me. “I failed her.”
Kuana, as irritatingly upbeat as Svera always was, shakes her head. “Nox. You have not. But I have been informed by the Rakukanna’s closest advisor, Svera, that you are unaware of such developments and am honored to open communication to her for you. Would you like to speak to her now?”
Shock. It must be shock. Because I have nothing to say but, “Now?”
“Hexa. Now. You may also wait for a moment of your choosing.”
“No…no. Now is good.”
Kuana grins and passes one hand over her left forearm and a whole host of holographic numbers and symbols appear, seeming to hover in front of her face. “Communication line E6FV8.” A pause. Silence. Then the holographic numbers disappear and in their wake Svera’s two dimensional form appears in stark clarity, as if she’s here, watching me through a clear window pane.
“Kiki! Oh my stars, oy Gewalt, Alhamdullah you’re okay. Are you okay? I’ve been speaking to the Okkari for the past two solars and he told me everything. You were brought to Illyria after you were injured. He wasn’t supposed to take you out of Illyria until you woke up and had a chance to speak to Miari and me but he did and now we’re stuck and we can’t get to you — apparently the first frost of Nobu is too harsh even for our transporters. We’ll have to wait for it to pass before we can come and see you or before you can leave and come see us, or go back to the colony if that’s what you really want.
“I’m so sorry, Kiki. This is all messed up. He told us that he forced you to do another Mountain Run and that he…that you two…” She huffs and looks torn, tortured on my behalf. “He thinks you're his forever mate — that you have something called Xanaxana and that it would cause you to respond to him…physically.” She struggles with the term — Svera, who worships the Tri-God and knows nothing about desire or sex or a man’s body — and her voice breaks. “He doesn’t know that humans don’t feel the Xanaxana like they do. He thought you would.”
I do.
“And I’m sorry Kiki, but I had to make him understand. I told him what happened to you before. What Bo’Raku did to you during your first Hunt. Va’Raku — the Okkari — he feels deep remorse. He did not know, and the cultural differences…I’m saying a lot but I know it’s no real consolation.”
A soft clearing of a throat. Kuana stands and with a few flicks of her fingers she moves away from the edge of the basin, but the image of Svera remains. “I will leave you now. Please do call me when you have finished. I will help you prepare a bath.”
I nod at her, struggling with words, with what I’d even say.Thank you?She’s an alien.Fuck you?She’s as kind as Svera is.And she’s an alien.
I sit up little by little and grip the edges of the tub. “Oh Kiki, please say something. I know you probably hate me right now, but write something if you don’t want to talk to me. Gesture. Just, please tell me.” She clasps a hand over her mouth and I see tears fill her eyes. They fill mine too.
I open my mouth. Eternities pass. Lifetimes unravel.Lie. Tell her that I hate her. Tell her I hate him. Tell her that they’ve all abandoned and betrayed me. Tell them that I want to kill still. That I’m glad the alien who sacrificed himself for me died. Tell her that I feel nothing. That I feel nothing!
“I feel…”Nothing. Nothing is what I feel.“I do feel it.”
My voice breaks. The hateful demon writhing within me dies. The river in my body dries. I desiccate, squeezed dry. I’m shaking all over. I open my mouth and a horrible mewl comes out. And then a half sob.
I close my eyes and I tell her the horrible, terrible truth. “I felt it from the first moment I fought him. I feeleverything. I feel everything but hate. I don’t hate you. I don’t hate Miari.” I don’t even hate him, the one who calls himselfmineeven though I know nothing about him. Nothing but the oasis he takes me to, that impossible cane-and-root breeze.
12
Kiki
I’m out of the purple goop. I’m out of the bath. I’m in a small dark room where a pallet lies. I’m shaky. It might just be the product of a good meal and a good night’s sleep. Or it might be the memories of the conversations I had with Svera and Miari. Knowing that they’re both somehow happy here off-colony with the males that they’ve been assigned to. That Miari is even in a union with one of them. That she’s a queen. That she’s pregnant. I shudder.What if that happens to me?
With a firm set of my jaw, I get up from the small table where Kuana brings me things to eat. She’s been waiting on me in a way I find uncomfortable. We’re both uncomfortable. Me, because I don’t know what to do with her — I’ve never had much and what I have had, I’ve had to fight for. I’m not used to someone helping me do things…not for free…
Her, because she doesn’t know what to do withme. I’ve behaved erratically since arriving here — at best. And when I tried to run, she apparently got locked up by Kuaku.And I didn’t even ask what happened to her. So focused on me, at the expense of everyone else around me.I wince.
I have a headache I can’t seem to get rid of. A fear that pulses through my body, sending pins and needles up my legs through my toenails. An itch to fight something to slake my aggression.An urge to say sorry to every being I come across, even if they are alien. Maybe then especially.
I sigh, exhausted by my own thoughts. Gathering up my stone dishes, I take a steadying breath and approach the door. It opens on a sensor of some kind and as quietly as I can, I wade out into the hall. As soon as I reach the white part of the hall, the temperature drops and I regret not having worn the slippers Kuana laid out for me. My dad always called me petulant. So did my mom. By the end of their being together, it was the only thing they ever agreed on.
