Page 28 of Taken to Nobu
I enter the big white-and-glass room that overlooks the village and am so distracted by the sight of the storm raging on its other side, rendering the whole world white and lifeless, that I don’t immediately notice Kuana. I start when she rises from a pile of white pillows near the black basin set into the floor and bows slightly.
Grunting, I turn from her and cross the room, heading for the door. I’m not surprised when Kuana intercepts me. Instead of letting me pass, she tries to wrangle the empty plates from my hands, but after an awkward dance that I gather is frustratingfor both of us,she lets me pass.
“Just show me how to do it,” I snap at her, wishing I knew how to gentle my tone. It’s not her fault. I know that, and yet it changes nothing.Even without the hate, I’m still this horrible beast.
Her ridges trickle with color that I can only assume means she’s terrified or she thinks I’m crazy. We’ve done this dance before, and just like those other times, she finally nods and leads me through the doorway to the next white room which has a sunken pit in one part of the floor and inside of that, a raised dais.
She takes me down into the pit, then past the dais to a patch of black against the all white wall. It juts out at about hip level and there’s a trough to one side of it. Kuana removes the stopper at the base of the trough and surprisingly warm water gushes out.
“You can use these crystals for washing,” Kuana says softly, taking some round colorful balls from the ledge that juts out at eye level and rolling them in her hands until they form a rich lather. My eyes are wide — I can feel them on my face. I can also feel when my lips quirk at the sight of her taking a black scrubber and holding it out between us. Looks just like the wool ones we use back home.
I reach for it, but she hesitates. “It is an honor to serve you,” she says and it’s about the fifth time she’s said it the past two solars.
“Yes,” I say stiffly, “I know that.” I can feel my cheeks warm. I don’t know what else to say. “I just…I’m more comfortable doing things for myself.”
Her face turns down. “I understand, my Xhea.”
“And tomorrow I want you to teach me how to use these other things.” I point to the dais with its strange marbly surface and then the whole host of white paneling that stretches across the wall at my back. There are silver boxes interspersed inbetween that I’ve already fumbled my way across several times — I’m still unable to figure out how to open anything.
Her face falls even further, grey and cerulean trailing across her brow bone. “Of course.”
I feel guilt and self-hate renew and the worst part about it is that I know exactly what I’d do and say to stop it, but at every turn, I choose not to.
I wind my way back through the house feeling like a shell of a person. At least, until I reachthedoor. My palms start to sweat and a drum beats in my lower half. I don’t give into the temptation to seek him out though.How can I, after what I’ve done? What does he even think? What could I even say? I’m sorry I ran and they all died?Fuck me.I wish he would just fuck me. And fight. I just want to fuck and fight until I’m numb.
I speed up as I pass it only to be shocked and horrified when I hear the door glide open at my back.Faster. Move. Get away.My feet slow. Cold causes the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. I turn and my stomach flies up into my throat. This male isn’t one I know. He’s blue — not red — but he still isn’t the Okkari. I canter back, hitting the white wall behind me and wishing that I had a weapon.
“My Xhea, it is good to see you well.”
I freeze and my head whips around as I look up at him, inspecting his face for the first time. An ounce of steel eases from my bones. “You…you were there. Out on the cold white.”
His mouth quirks making me wonder what I’ve done wrong this time. “Hexa. I am Ka’Okkari, warrior and hunter of the Okkari and this tribe.”
I feel nervous. Nervous and terrified. He saved my lifebut he’s an alien. I can’t attack him, as is my first instinct, and since he’s one of the aliens who saved my life, I can assume he won’t take it. Not after all that was lost trying to keep me alive.
Grief surges inside of me, mingling with the regret and fear and shame to create a potent combination. “I…dont…” He blinks at me and I know I’ve slighted him even though his reaction betrays nothing at all. He just smiles and the expression makes tears of frustration sting the backs of my eyes. “I’m just going back to my room.”
“I know, Xhea,” he says and his smile stretches even fuller. “And I was hoping to catch you. The Okkari has informed me that you desire to visit the homes of Va’El and Re’Okkari. He told me you wish to honor their sacrifices. Once you are properly outfitted, I am able to be your guide.”
I am completely stalled by his offer. Nervous-bordering-on-mortified. I do want to do those things. I do want to apologize to the families of the aliens who gave their lives to me, that’s what I told Svera. She must have told him.They’ve been speaking?I hate that. And not for the right reasons. It’s not because he’s an alien and she’s talking to him behind my back. It’s because he’smyalien.
He’s mine. He once called me his. But that was before I ruined everything and got his people killed. Why would he still think that?
I glance past the broad beast of a male, but am unable to see anything of the Okkari’s office. “Is the Okkari there?”
“He is, but he has duties to attend to. There is much to be done before the first icefall sees its end. Organizing the preparation of the hevarr that was slain, repairing the grain stores damaged in the storm, continuing warrior training. He also has the chamar to organize on behalf of Re’Okkari.”
“Chamar?”
“In honor of his death, we will celebrate his life. On your human moon, do you also carry such a tradition?”
I jerk back as if struck, then nod slightly.
Ka’Okkari gives me a small bow and I feel rattled at the sympathy he emanates. “Fear not, Xhea. It is understood that you were without induction into our culture and that you suffered in the past.”What does he know of my past?Panic grips me.
“I am not here to torment you, and I assure you that the Okkari is not either. We are here to protect you. And it is only on Re’Okkari’s honor that he should meet Xana knowing he has done all he can to protect you, and to protect the tribe. The hevarr will make it possible for us to survive the impending icefalls well. It is a rare day that hunters are afforded the opportunity to take on such a worthy opponent and live to tell the tales. I am sure songs are being written of Re’Okkari as we speak. He will receive a warrior’s rest in the Great Ocean.”
His words make my insides cramp and I have to hold onto the wall behind mehardotherwise I feel like I might die. I blink rapidly and say in strangled notes, “Alright, I’ll go…I mean, I’d like to go…honor them. Let me just get dressed.” I turn and find Kuana standing in front of my door, already holding a heavy fur-lined jumpsuit out for me.
