Page 103 of Lust & Lies
I was tempted to say I could wash my own damn plate. But even the petty side of me knew that was too much.
“Okay,” I replied.
With my back to him, I placed my dishes in the sink, hating this dark feeling that had settled over me. Aiden hadn’t done anything wrong. I was the one being overly emotional. Maybe some time alone was what I needed. After washing and drying my hands, I headed for the exit. I was startled when Aiden grabbed my arm.
“You okay, baby?” he asked.
I hadn’t even heard him rise from his seat. Forcing another smile, I looked up at him.
“I’m fine, love. Go work. I’ll find a horror movie to watch. When you’re done, come join me.”
He stood there, staring down at me, trying to read me. I forced a smile, hoping it reached my eyes, hoping I didn’t burst out crying and reveal just how much I was falling apart. I wasn’t too strong or prideful to admit that it may be time for me to start seeing that therapist Dr. Mercer recommended.
I now understood why he’d wanted me to talk to someone. I’d thought I could handle this on my own. But I couldn’t. And this wasn’t something Aiden could help me with. I needed to talk to a professional.
I needed to know how long this stage, or whatever it was, would last. I needed help processing my ever-changing feelings. I wanted to understand why my emotions were all over the place.
I wanted to know if there was a way to control these feelings because I couldn’t keep going through this, especially if this memory loss ended up being permanent. That would be pure torture. And none of this was fair to Aiden.
He didn’t deserve to have to keep talking me down from the ledge.Damn it,how long was he going to stand there staring at me? Couldn’t he see I was on the verge of a mini meltdown?
“Are you really okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine, Aiden.”
He placed his hand against my cheek. “I’ll be as quick as possible.”
I nodded but said nothing, hoping he’d hurry up and go, while at the same time wanting him to stay and tell me everything about our past.
Please tell me whether what we have is real or not because I’m losing my damn mind over here, and I don’t trust my judgment.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Aiden asked again, eyes pleading with me to tell him.
The desperate look in his eyes only made me feel worse. He wasn’t the problem. I was. And I refused to unload on him again.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I insisted. “How could there be? I’ve gotten some sun. Had some good food. Now I’m going to relax with a horror movie. How could anything be wrong?”
My acting must not have been up to par because he continued staring at me, not speaking.
“If you want, I’ll cancel the call.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because you come first and there’s clearly something wrong.”
I stood there, staring up at him. He was willing to cancel his work call for me. I really needed to get a grip. I couldn’t be this clingy. I couldn’t be this kind of wife. I’d gotten used to us being out here by ourselves, used to having Aiden all to myself.
We wouldn’t be able to live like this forever. I had to get used to sharing my husband with the world. Resting my face against his palm, I let his touch soothe me and focused on the look in his eyes, not the turmoil in my heart, in my spirit.
“Aiden, I know I come first. But work is also important. So, go work, hubby. And take your time. I’ll be alright. I’m serious,” I told him, guilt creeping over me the longer he stood there, staring at me. “I’ll be okay. For real. It’s not like I can hog all your time.”
“Yes, you can,” he insisted, expression and tone serious as hell. “Hog it. Hog all of it. It’s yours. I’ll cancel...”
I leaned forward and kissed him, silencing him.
Once I had him quiet, I murmured against his lips, “Go work. I’ll be okay.”
When I leaned back, he whispered, “I love you.”
