Page 13 of Lust & Lies
I couldn’t keep doing that. All it did was add more pressure to an already stressful situation. Just like he was being patient with me, I had to be patient with myself and with him. Together, we had to take this one day at a time.
The memories would return. I believed they would. I would work hard to make them come back. I’d hate to ruin my marriage before that happened simply because I was too impatient.
The pictures in this room told a story I didn’t remember. However, it wasn’t a story I was opposed to. I wanted to feel happy like the version of me in those photos. I wanted to be loved the way she was loved.
The man in those photos wanted the same thing. We weren’t enemies. We were partners. And until I had proof of otherwise, I needed to treat him like he was my partner and not my enemy.Because he wasn’t my enemy, right? Right? I shook that thought off.
“I can’t promise I won’t tense up again,” I told him. “Or that I won’t do something that will seem out of character for the version of me you know and love. But I’ll try my best not to treat you like a stranger. I’ll try to be less guarded.”
“I’m not asking you to let your guard down, Noelle. You have every right to be cautious. Your mind may not remember everything right now, but the desire to protect yourself is an instinct we all possess. Don’t silence that instinct for me.”
“But...”
“Sweetie, trust your instincts. Right now, I’m keeping those you have contact with to a minimum because it’s the doctor’s orders. But once you start remembering things, more people will return to our lives. I want you to listen to what your instincts tell you about them, not what I tell you. There may be people who’ve hurt you, and you haven’t told me about it. I would hate to bring those people into your world unknowingly and cause you pain. So trust yourself. If your heart tells you to be wary of someone, be wary of them. Even if that person is me.”
“But, you’re my husband.”
Aiden smiled. “What happened to the alleged part?”
One kiss seemed to have gotten rid of it.
I nodded at the pictures. “I can’t deny the truth when it’s staring me in the face.”
“That’s true,” he said. “Even so, trust your instincts.”
“That’s contradictory to what you told me before. Earlier, you told me to trust you.”
He nodded. “I know. I still want that. But I’m realizing that you have to trust yourself before you can fully trust me.”
“But that’s just it. I can’t trust myself. I don’t even know what’s real and what’s not. And...” I swallowed, blinking back tears.
He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Stop rushing things, Noelle. Today is your first day out of the hospital. You can’t conquer your mind or emotions in one day. Baby, just focus on healing. The rest will come. And don’t worry about me. I won’t be offended if you recoil from my touch or step away from my embrace because I know in time, I’ll earn your trust again. I’ll win your heart again. I’m willing to woo Noelle Park all over again because she’s worth it. You got that?”
I nodded. My eyes burned, but I held the tears in.
“I just... I see those pictures and I want that. I want to be happy,” I told him. “I want you to be happy, too. I know we won’t get there in one day. But, I believe we will get there.”
I hoped we got there, because this confusion and doubt were a strain on me that I couldn’t wait to be free of. His hand lifted slowly. His eyes stayed locked on mine, waiting for any sign from me that he should stop.
There wasn’t one. I didn’t move. I didn’t blink. I stood there, awaiting his touch. He placed his palm against my cheek, the touch light, careful. His thumb moved slowly across my skin, wiping away a tear that had dared fall. I let him touch me. In fact, I found myself leaning into his touch, craving the contact.
“Noelle,” he whispered.
“I’m here. Not fully. Not yet. But I’m here.”
The air between us crackled with tension. Neither of us moved. Neither of us looked away. He stared at me like he wanted more, but didn’t dare act on it. I looked at him and felt the same.
Yet, I didn’t think I was ready for that. However, I was tired of being so guarded. And while I wouldn’t let my walls down completely, I was going to try to let him in. Talking with him calmed some of my anxieties.
In time, the rest would wash away. At least, that’s what I hoped would happen as I worked on healing. We stood still,both of us holding back but neither of us pulling away. This was progress.
“Let’s make a promise right here in your favorite room,” he told me.
“What’s the promise?” I asked.
“Let’s promise to take things one day at a time. If you have any concerns and fears, you won’t hold them in. You’ll tell me about them.”
“And you’ll tell me if you have any concerns too, right?”
