Page 141 of Lust & Lies
“Ethan suggested we use this as a stepping stone to get grandfather to retire and let me step into his role,” Tristan told me.
“If grandfather heard him say that, he’d disown him.”
“What are your thoughts on that?” Tristan asked.
“I have no thoughts,” I told him, suppressing a yawn. I could barely keep my eyes open. “All my thoughts are on making sure we stay ahead of what’s happening with the Clarks and try to show the police, the public, and the board that we’re being transparent and cooperating with the investigation.”
I yawned again.Damn it.My eyes were watering now.
“Did you not sleep at all last night?” Tristan asked.
“A little,” I told him.
About thirty minutes. That’s it.
“Noe keeping you up late?” he teased.
“I wish. She... wants space,” I told him.
“And you’re giving it to her?” he asked, chuckling. “That doesn’t sound like the obsessed maniac I know you to be when it comes to her.”
“I’m giving her one more night to have things her way, and then we’re going to have a long talk about our past.”
“Are you going to tell her everything?”
“I am.”
“Everything?”
“Every. Thing.”
“Rest In Peace, Aiden Park.”
“Shut up,” I told him before taking a sip of my orange juice.
“Noe has always had a hot temper. She’s not going to just grin and bear it once she knows the truth. Remember when we were kids, she used to get mad when we called her Noe. She even chased after me with a bat because I wouldn’t stop calling her that.”
“She was a teenager. It made sense that she was tired of being called Noe. I called her Noelani,” I told him. “I only called her Noe when grandpa was around because I knew he’d have a fit if he heard me calling her by her real name.”
“He wanted us to call her Noe for her safety.”
“I know. And when we were little kids, that was fine. Calling her Noah and Noe for short was okay back then. Having her dress as a boy and keep her hair cut short was the only way to keep her father’s enemies from knowing his oldest daughter still lived. But once she became a teenager, she started wanting to be herself, to be a girl, to grow her hair out and dress like a girl. But grandfather wouldn’t allow it. Of course, she had an attitude. Of course, she started to rebel. Her life was being decided for her.”
“That’s precisely my point. You need to tell her the truth before it’s too late. You know how she feels about her life being decided for her. She’s lost her identity once. Now she’s losing it again. You’ve got her living under a false name. And like her father and our grandfather did, you say you’re doing it to keep her safe. But to her, she may see it as just another man trying to control her.”
I opened my mouth, prepared to argue my case, but closed it. I had no case. My brother was absolutely right. In trying to get Noe out from under my grandfather’s thumb, in trying to prevent her from marrying Seo-Jin and get her back by my side, I’d stolen something important from her... her identity.
I could blame it on love. I could blame it on my obsession with her. I could even blame my grandfather because she’d wanted out of her contract, and he wouldn’t let her leave. But the truth was, I was selfish. I was selfish as hell, and she didn’t deserve this.
“Fuck!” I muttered.
“Finally sinking in for you, huh?” Tristan asked. “Finally regretting it?”
I swallowed. I was. I was regretting it. I loved her. But this wasn’t love. This was me controlling her, and who the fuck did I think I was to believe I had a right to make decisions for her?
I wanted her to be free of my grandfather’s demands. Yet, all I’d done was place my own demands on her. All in the name of love.Damn. I was no better than the old man.
“There’s still time to fix it. Or, at least try to,” Tristan told me.
