Page 24 of Lust & Lies
My nose ran, and almost every ounce of dignity I had crawled into a hole to hide in shame. Even so, I couldn’t stop. The tears came fast and unexpectedly, almost as if they’d been waiting for the perfect moment to unleash themselves.
All I could do was let them have their way. Lowering my hands from my face, I gripped Aiden’s shirt, wrinkling it. My fingers dug into the fabric, and I hated that I was soaking it, but I couldn’t let go.
He didn’t say a word, his broad chest absorbing every jagged breath and hiccupping cry I gave him. One of his hands slid up and down my back in smooth strokes, while the other held me against him.
Though he was only trying to console me, my body was starting to respond to the feel of his hand on my back, rubbing me. My crybaby ass was sad and horny at the same time. It was the worst and most confusing feeling I'd ever experienced.
I cried even harder, shame threading through my veins. Why couldn’t I just experience one overwhelming emotion at a time? Why did they all have to hit me at once? And why couldn’t they wait until I was alone?
“It’s okay, baby,” he whispered into my hair. “Just let it out. I’ve got you.”
Heaven help me, that only made me cry harder. I buried my face into his chest, fists clutching the fabric of his shirt like I was afraid he’d vanish if I let go or if he let go of me. He didn’t let go. Not when my shoulders shook.
Not when I let out a cry that sounded a little too close to a wail. Not when I tried to quiet myself and failed terribly. I swallowed, attempting to rein in my emotions again. It took a few more tries for my shoulders to cease shaking and the tears to slow down.
“I don’t even know why I’m crying this hard,” I rasped once I was able to speak clearly. “It’s like my feelings went rogue and I’m no longer in control of my emotions.”
“It’s okay, love.”
“It’s not. I don’t like crying like this. It’s embarrassing.”
“Everyone cries. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Wait until you see how wet your shirt is,” I told him.
“I can already feel how wet it is.”
“See!” I cried. “Embarrassing.”
“I’m not embarrassed. And you shouldn’t be either. Noelle, there’ll be more days like this. Days when it all feels like too much, when you feel lost, broken, or confused. And on those days, I’m going to be right here. Holding you through all of it.”
His words undid me. Again. I sobbed into his chest as he continued holding me, rubbing my back. I don’t know how long we stayed like that. Eventually, my cries softened, turning into shaky breaths that ultimately faded into my regular breathing.
Still, he held me as I pulled myself together. A couple of minutes later, he eased back a little, only enough to reach for a napkin from the counter behind me.
“Let me see you,” he said gently.
I shook my head.
“Come on, love. Look at me.”
“I look a mess,” I murmured.
“You can never look a mess to me. Come on, baby. Look at me.”
Ugh!I sniffed and tilted my face up.
“See,” I whispered. “I look horrible.”
“I think you said beautiful wrong,” he told me as he dabbed at my tears.
I didn’t flinch, just watched him, amazed at how gentle and patient he was with me. More tears welled in my eyes.
“You’re okay,” he whispered, gaze locked on mine. “You’re safe. You’re protected. You’re loved. It’s going to be okay. One day at a time, remember?”
I nodded, though my throat was tight as I held back more tears.
“I hate feeling like this,” I whispered. “I hate how all of a sudden, I needed to cry, and I couldn’t stop the tears. They came on their own, and there was nothing I could do about it. I don’t want to feel like this again.”
