Page 5 of Lust & Lies
The man was currently out of the country on vacation and wouldn’t return to the States for a couple of months. But Dr. Mercer assured me he was the perfect therapist for me because he’d previously dealt with cases like mine.
In the meantime, the doctor wanted me to focus on my rehab and on relaxing as much as possible. Then, there was the dietician who came in to tell me what I should and shouldn’t eat. I took that as a recommendation more than a requirement. I was being treated like a child, but what could I do?
These were professionals saying that I needed these things, so I must need them. At least, that’s what I told myself as I nodded and listened to their instructions. I kept waiting to remember something, anything.
How could I completely forget things about myself? I wasn’t worried about remembering my husband. How could I not rememberme? How could I not remember my parents? My best friends.... If I had any.
Right now, I had nothing. Only Aiden, who wouldn’t tell me anything helpful per the doctor’s orders. The memories had to return naturally. They couldn’t be forced. I’d heard that so many times that I was starting to dream those words at night.
If they truly needed to return naturally, why the hell did I need to see a therapist? What was there to talk about if I couldn’t recall anything? Then there was Aiden, who never left my side, who watched my every movement.
His presence both irritated me and made me feel guilty. I was irritated by him constantly telling me it would be okay because he would be there for me every step of the way. Those words weren’t as comforting and reassuring as he thought they were.
They didn’t soothe me. They smothered me. Guilt hummed through me each time he reached for my hand or tried to kiss my cheek. I always pulled back, even if I tried not to. Even if I told myself he meant well.
My initial reaction was always to shrink away from him. If I belonged to this man, shouldn’t some part of me recognize him? Shouldn’t I feel safe? I didn’t. To me, that was a sign that my body didn’t know him and wasn’t accustomed to his touch.
If it did, my instincts wouldn’t be screaming for me to flee him the first chance I got. But where would I go? Who could I run to? Aiden was literally the only person by my side. There were no other visitors.
There was no family calling to check on me. No friends sending me flowers and get-well cards.Nothing. When I asked about my family, Aiden said it was a complicated situation, and he’d prefer I start to remember on my own before he told me anything about the past.
I won’t lie, that pissed me the fuck off because I could have parents out there worried sick about me. However, if Aiden really was my husband, he would’ve told them about the accident by now.
So, maybe I didn’t have a family. And that thought left me feeling sad, lonely, and completely lost. I was stuck with Aiden Park, the man who watched me much too closely, and whose words felt like they had a double meaning.
Especially when he held my hand and said, “I’m here for you. I’ll be with you every step of the way. I will never leave your side, Noelle.”
He meant it as reassurance, yet it felt like a leash. Like handcuffs. Like I was being forced to remain at this man’s side no matter what. Naturally, when the day arrived for me to go home with Aiden, I was a nervous wreck, yet I pretended to be calm.
However, I wished I could spend more time in the hospital. There was even a tiny voice in my head that said if I hurt myself, they’d be forced to keep me. That thought had frightened me. No matter how bad things got, I refused to harm myself.
Others, maybe.
Never myself.
And that told me something about myself. I was a fighter. So, I mustered up all my courage and allowed myself to be wheeled out of the hospital to Aiden’s sleek vehicle. I could walk just fine. However, the wheelchair was a hospital protocol.
Aiden helped me into the car. He was gentle with me as he buckled me in. My eyes remained on him as he worked, part curiosity, part caution. This man hadn’t left my side once since I’d been in the hospital.
I hadn’t asked him much about himself. I avoided talking to him unless necessary. I let him do all of the talking, listening for slip-ups, anything that could prove he was lying to me. So far, there hadn’t been any.
Sometimes, he excused himself and stepped out of the room to answer calls from work. From trying to listen in on his calls, I assumed he was a CEO or something like that. It seemed he was called on to make the important decisions.
When had I met and fallen in love with a CEO? I couldn’t remember much about myself, but I didn’t feel like a CEO's wife. I didn’t feel like a wife at all. The seatbelt had just clicked into place when he turned to stare at me.
I was in. All buckled up. That should’ve been the end of it. But he didn’t step back. Instead, he stayed there, half of his body still in the car, close enough for his breath to mingle with mine.
Close enough for me to feel the warmth of his body. Close enough for the scent of his cologne to wrap around me. Close enough for me to notice just how broad his shoulders were.Damn, he smelled good. But he was too close.
The closest we’d ever been, at least since I woke up without my memory. I didn’t say anything. Just stared, waiting for him to move, to close the door. He didn’t. He leaned in, eyes locked on mine, like he was searching for something.
A spark of memory in me. A flicker of hope. A reason to believe I would one day remember this amazing love he said we shared. He wouldn’t find any of that in my eyes. I couldn’t give him what he sought.
The silence between us was starting to stretch too long. He wouldn’t look away. Neither would I. I had no reason to cower before this man. Even so, this was starting to feel weird. Not knowing what to do to ease the awkwardness, I spoke up.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “For buckling my belt.”Now get out of my face and drive the damn car.
He remained silent, just staring at me. His gaze was intense. I wanted to break eye contact but refused to let him win, even if that thought was irrational. When his lips finally parted, his response surprised me.
