Page 178 of Lust & Lies
“What do you want?” Gertrude asked.
I wanted to feel his blood on my hands. I wanted to strangle the life out of him. I wanted to carve my name, Noelani, into his chest and then slit his throat.
“I want...” I paused. “I want all of this to be over so I can be with Aiden,” I told her. “That’s what I want more than anything else.”
She smiled at me. “When Layla died, I wanted to kill Mr. Park. He was the one who’d sent us on that mission. Why did our loved ones have to pay the price for his orders? If anything, his bloodline should’ve paid the price, not ours. It was your father and Sam who told me to calm down. They told me that now wasn’t the time to go after Mr. Park. And Sam told me that I couldn’t hold on to that kind of bitterness and anger because it would eat me alive.”
It sure would. I felt like it had been eating away at me for years.
“Sam reminded me that we had contracts to fulfill and that we also had you and Ellie to take care of because your father couldn’t do it on his own. Of course, Ellie would rather be with Ji-An than us, but we still had you. I let go of my revenge so thatI could be free to love and protect you. Sometimes we have to let love override our hate. I said all that to say, if you want to let go of your anger in order to love Aiden the way you want to love him, no one will fault you for that, sweetie. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world. But true happiness can’t reside in a heart that’s filled with hatred.”
“Letting go of this kind of hatred is hard,” I told her. “I want to do what’s best for Aiden. But I feel like I’m cheating myself if I don’t act on this anger.”
“There’s nothing wrong with feeling like that. I lost my daughter and had to stare that man in the face for years after her death. I hate him with everything in me. And then seeing you suffer under him only made me hate him more. I’ve suppressed that hatred for years, and I’m ready to see that man suffer. But whatever you decide, I’m okay with it. Just know this: losing his power, losing his control over you all, that will hurt him more than death.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s no pain in death. There’s pain in living. Making him live with that kind of pain is a great way to get your revenge. Letting him know that all of you are living your lives according to your own wants and desires, oh, that will eat him alive. That’s a fate worse than death for a man like him.”
She was right. Death would be too kind for a man like him. Even if I tried torturing him, his old heart might give out before I got far. Keeping him alive, allowing him to see us loving who we wanted to love, and thriving, that would make him wish he were dead. I reached for Gertrude’s hand, patting it, wishing her daughter were here to do this for her.
“Thank you,” I told her. “You always know what to say to calm me down and make me think things through carefully.”
“Your mother was that person for me back in the day. I’m glad I get to be that for her daughter. She would be proud of you, Noelani.”
I blinked back tears. “Layla would be proud of you, too. I’m sure she knew just how wonderful her mother was. You’re the best, Gertrude.”
A tear streamed down Gertrude's cheek. “Thank you, sweetie.”
I continued holding her hand. I wouldn’t tell her that one of the ways Mr. Park had manipulated me was by threatening her and Sam’s lives. She was shouldering enough guilt. I wouldn’t add to it.
All I wanted was for her to be happy. She and her husband deserved it. We looked toward the door when it opened. Aiden stepped in, holding a small duffel bag that I recognized as mine. It had been here this entire time.
“All of your electronic devices that I took from your place are in here,” Aiden told me, no longer limping.
I held in my chuckle. I guess he forgot he was supposed to be faking it. I sat up straighter, ignoring the way my side throbbed.
“Thanks,” I said, opening the bag as he slid back into bed.
I pulled my laptop out. Gertrude plugged it in for me as I opened the device and logged in. It was amazing how passwords came easily to me now. The brain fog from before was gone. I could still hardly believe it had been there in the first place.
“Time to see what Seo-Jin wanted me to know,” I told them.
I clicked on the secure file. With Aiden in bed next to me and Gertrude standing beside me, I watched the video, hoping Seo-Jin had some updates for me. I was shocked by how much information he actually had.
This was... interesting.
CHAPTER FIFTY–TWO
NOELANI
IN THE VIDEO, SEO-JINwas in a dark room with a plain white wall behind him. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail, his goatee scruffy.
“Mist... if you’re watching this, it means you’re alive. Because the dead can’t watch videos.” He smiled, that boyish grin of his. Only a few got to see his silly side.
I chuckled, only to have Aiden clear his throat and press pause on the video.
“Why are you laughing? He’s not that funny,” Aiden told me.
