Page 34 of Chaos
I’mdepressed, I know I am but I just can't bring myself to care. I stay curled up in bed with Raze and King. They have hardly left my side for the past week. I hide my face in King’s neck while I cry for what I have lost.
That is, it, I now have no family left.
Yes, I am well aware I have Chaos and the brothers but I mean blood family. My parents are now both gone and I have no clue where in the hell Voodoo is, but at this point he has been missing for so long, I fear he too has left me. Well, that is what my head is saying anyway, but my heart. My heart is saying a whole different thing. It still feels my dad and Voodoo as if they are alive. Not sure if that is just wishful thinking or our strong bond letting me know to keep fighting for them.
I haven’t spoken to Declan about how I feel because I’m not sure if he will understand. Hell, I don’t understand my feelings, so how am I expecting them to. I just don’t fully trust what I am feeling. Declan has begged me to talk to some grief counsellor, he thinks might be able to help me. He’s been amazing with me, so patient and kind. The first few days when I couldn’t even function other than to go to the bathroom. he helped bathe, feed, and held me while I cried and generally talked me down off the ledge. At least now I can wash myself but I am still not eating. My stomach constantly feels sick and I cannot even think about food without wanting to be sick. I’ve lost weight and I can tell Declan is becoming really worried about me. I just can’t bring myself to care. A knock at the door brings me out of my head. The door opens slowly and a handsome little face pops around it.
“Liv,” Logan semi shouts in a hushed voice and dives for the bed. Raze just manages to move in time before Logan lands on him. He grumbles about moving but does it anyway, both dogs are so good with Logan, they never snap or snarl at him when he’s maybe a little too rough with them.
“Hey Lo,” I greet him as he snuggles himself into me.
Mayhem hoovers near the door.
“I’m sorry to do this to you Liv but I need to go into work for an hour or two and I have no one to watch Lo.”
I hold Logan a little closer, his little body snuggling in and getting comfy in the bed with me.
“It’s fine Mayhem. We will chill and watch films.”
“Monsters Inc,” comes muffled voice from under the covers with a little arm shooting out to do a fist bump. He loves his fist bumps.
“Yeah Lo, Monsters Inc,” I chuckle for the first time since I learnt my dad died.
“You sure?” Mayhem asks but he is already edging out the door.
“Yes, I am sure. Just ask the prospect to bring him lunch up later.”
“For both of you?”
“For Logan,” I say getting sterner.
“Okay,” he replies on a sigh, not really happy with my answer but do I give a fuck.
Once Mayhem has gone, we get all settled and I pop the film on Netflix. The dogs are snoring at our feet and Logan is curled up in my side with his head on chest. My arm tightens around him.
“Liv, why you so sad?” he asks in his little voice.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
What do I say? He is only four years old; it’s not my place to explain death to him. Who even as adults understand it?
“Sometimes adults are just sad.”
Quick thinking, not.
“I don’t like it when you’re sad. It makes me sad.”
Way to kick me while I’m down kid. Right in the feels too.
“Logan, I don’t want you to be sad, but sometimes adults are going to be and that is okay but for me not to be sad, I need you to be my happy little chappy. Okay?”
He nods his head, gives me a blinding smile, and kisses me cheek. He melts my heart, he really does.
“You stealing my woman Lo man?”
Declan makes me jump as I didn’t hear him come into the room.
“She is my Liv,” he replies snuggling closer.
