Page 43 of Joker
Smiling, I set about moving some of my stuff into the room across the way so Carrie can have some space for all her new stuff. Once I’m sorted, I leave the girls to it and head down to the bar for a drink and to check on Beau. I love my son, but he’s definitely my son and gets into all sorts of trouble without trying. Finding him in the main room, he’s sitting with Reck and Tank.
“Beau is telling us about his good job for the day,” Reck says as he and Tank are laughing. Guess the kid said girly shit again. Shaking my head, I join them.
“You using bad language again, kid?” I ask, trying to use my best Dad voice. This only seems to cause Reck and Tank to crack up more.
“Just saying how it is, Dad,” he says as he runs off outside.
Jesus, that kid is going to be a handful.
“Same as you were at his age, gobby little shit.” Bull joins in laughing.
“Guess it’s karma for the crap I pulled on you then.” I laugh at the smirk on his face.
“You weren’t too bad, a good kid, really. Just too much like your Pops,” Pip says as she joins us laughing too.
“Thanks, Pip. At least someone still loves me.”
Laughing, she kisses the top of my head. Pip has always been a mother figure and still is to all that enter the clubhouse. We’re a family, and that’s what counts.
“How’s Carrie doing?” Pip asks.
“Yeah, she’s doing okay. We talked a little earlier. She’s with Kate now. I got her clothes and girly shit to try and make her feel better,” I reply.
“I’m sure it will help. Glad the both of you are talking. I might just pop up and check on the girls. You know the trouble those two can get into without trying.”
She laughs as she walks off down the hall. She really isn’t wrong.
CHAPTERFIFTEEN
CARRIE
It’s been a month now since I escaped, and I’m healing. My bruises have gone, ribs have nearly fully healed, and I’m starting to feel more like my old self. After about a week or so when I could move better, I made an appointment with Tracy Wood, the psychiatrist Dr. Whitelaw had recommended. She’s really nice and welcoming. Talking to her is really helping.
I have a session once a week. Joker drives me, waits for me to be done, and then takes me to do something nice to cheer me up. Some of the sessions are hard, and I’m physically and mentally exhausted some days. But I know getting it all out is good for me. I’m starting to realize this was not my fault. I didn’t cause these things to happen to me. I’m also not a victim, but a survivor, which shows my strength. I still have a very long road to go before I’m completely coping, but that would all come in time. I’d never forget what happened to me, but with Tracy’s help, I’m learning to live with it all, and she’s giving me the tools to reclaim my life.
Joker has been amazing and so patient with me. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever be ready to be with a man again. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet and provide for Beau and me. Joker has said I don’t need to worry about it, but I need this for me. I don’t want to be swallowed whole again by a man, to become reliant on him or anyone.
To make this step forward, I need to move Beau and me out of the clubhouse. We need a place of our own. A home my son deserves. I would never stop Joker from seeing Beau. Women who use their children as weapons against their dads make me sick. You’re only punishing the children more, and every child needs their dad in their life. I go to find my dad. I find him in the garage.
“Hey Dad, you got a moment?” I ask.
He looks up from the truck he’s working on.
“For you, anything,” he replies.
Smiling, he follows me outside, and we take a seat on the picnic table away from everything so we can talk.
“How’s the therapy going?” he asks.
Dad has been great in my recovery, making sure I have everything I need and ensuring I know he loves me.
“It’s going good, Dad. That’s what I want to talk to you about,” I reply.
“Okay, petal, what’s up?”
“I’m so grateful you’ve allowed me to stay here while I’m healing. But now my injuries are nearly completely healed, I need to concentrate on my mind. The clubhouse ain’t exactly peaceful or relaxing, and I need my own space, for Beau and for me. I hope you understand.”
Dad’s quiet for a moment, taking all I’ve said in and thinking it through. I’m starting to question what I’ve said as I really hope he doesn’t think I’m being ungrateful.
