Page 47 of Joker
Guess everyone is mad at me.
“You know what she’s been through, yet you couldn’t simply talk to her and ask her what she wants? No, you just did what you want for her. Then when she tries to explain why that would upset her, you get angry at her. Great work, dipshit! I wouldn’t be surprised if you lost her altogether now. She doesn’t need taking care of. We all know she can do that herself. She made it back here by herself, didn’t she? She needs someone who is her equal. Fuck you, cavemen bikers really are all the same.” Kate’s rant knocks me on my ass. How did I get this so wrong?
She storms off into the clubhouse. Fuck I hope she’s not right. I don’t want to lose her. Beau is standing near the door, looking at me with pity. Great, he didn’t need to see my verbal ass-kicking by Kate.
“Come on, up ya get,” Tank says as he reaches a hand out to help me off the ground.
“Let’s take a ride,” he adds.
I know he’s right and I need to clear my head. I also need to find Carrie.
“Others are looking for her. She can’t get out of the compound so give her the space she needs, brother,” he says like he’s just read my mind or some shit.
Nodding, I head for my bike and take off for a while. Stopping at a little diner on the edge of town, we grab a table in the back.
“Wanna talk about it?” Tank asks as we look over the menu.
“I fucked up. I know I did. I’ll never forget the fear in her eyes, brother. She was scared of me. Scared of me, I would never hurt her. She should know this,” I say, feeling more confused than I have ever been in my whole life.
“Think of her situation, Joker. How has she been treated, and she’s not seen you since she was a teen. I’m sorry to say this, brother, but you’re different people now,” he explains.
“I’m not different. I’m the same person I’ve always been,” I state.
He gives me a look as if to say, really?
Thinking about it, am I still the same person? Being part of the club and seeing the things I have, has changed me. I’m a little harder now, more jaded with my view on the world we live in. The things that happened to Carrie are also going to change who she is as a person and the way she views things in life.
I’m such a fucking idiot. I just want her safe and happy. I go off without asking her, and then when she tries to explain how she feels, I don’t listen. Tank looks at me as if he knows I finally understand.
“I’ve lost her,” I say, defeated.
“I don’t think you’ve lost her, but I do think you’ve made things harder for yourself, brother.”
Trust Tank to give it to me straight. It’s why we’re so close, always honest with each other.
“You’re going to have to work hard and show her that you get it. She’ll need space and understanding. Nothing is going to happen overnight, so be prepared to put the work in and wait for her to be ready,” he advises.
Yeah, I can see this being a long road.
“I’ve lost my appetite. Let’s head back so I can check she’s at least okay.”
Nodding in agreement, Tank and I leave the diner and head back to the compound. We’ve been gone a couple of hours, so I pray to God they found her, and she’s okay.
Pulling back into the compound, Prez is outside waiting for us.
“She’s in her room, brother. Pip found her at the house you built,” he explains.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I head inside and upstairs. Hovering outside her door, I’m not sure whether to knock or give her space. Deciding I need to at least apologize, I knock on the door. Getting no answer, I knock louder. No answer again, so I go to check on Beau. Maybe she’s with him.
In Beau’s room, he’s fast asleep in bed. Wondering if she’s okay, I try the adjoining door, finding it open. The room is empty, but steam is showing clearly on the mirror, and the bathroom door is cracked open. Peeking in, I can see she’s asleep in the bath. Backing out and pulling the door back, too, I knock on the bathroom door and lightly call her name. I don’t want to startle her.
“Carrie, are you in there?” I ask.
I hear splashing through the door.
“Shit. Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute. I fell asleep,” she calls back to me.
“Okay, I’ll wait out here for you,” I say, figuring it best to warn her I’ll be in the room. Sitting on the bed, I wait for her to come out of the bathroom. It’s not long before she joins me.
