Page 1 of Carrie's Strength
CHAPTERONE
JOKER
Holding her close to me as she sleeps, I slowly stroke the hair out of her face. She looks so peaceful and beautiful, just resting in my arms with her head on my chest. I can feel the small puffs of breath from her pouty lips as she gently snores. The little noises are the sweetest thing.
I honestly still can’t believe she’s here with me, lying in my arms, in my life. A part of me, the part I didn’t dare voice out loud, thought she was lost forever. I had hoped that one day I would find her, but as time went on, the hope got less and less. She was everything to me, and when she was taken from me before I even managed to see where the growing love could take us, I thought it was the end of me.
For the longest time, I felt like a vital part of me was missing. I didn’t feel whole. Everything was in black and white.
The minute she walked back into my life; it was like a rainbow burst. Brightening my life. Who knew I was missing more, just her? Finding out I had a son felt like a power punch to the stomach. The air being forced from my body and leaving me gasping for breath. He’s my image. My boy, Beau. Jesus, I have a son. Sometimes it still takes my breath away when he calls me Dad. Me, Joker, a dad for fuck’s sake!
I struggle keeping houseplants alive, and now this actual small human being relies on me to keep him alive and raise him to be a valued member of society.
Thank fuck, Carrie is a natural at being a mom. God, she’s amazing. So gentle and nurturing with him. It is like she was born for the role of mother.
Neither of us had brilliant childhoods. Carrie’s mom was a queen bitch. She only cared about drugs and booze. My girl raised her younger brother, Johnny. My mom died when I was too young to know what a mom was and how it felt to have one. Our dads did the best they could. Reck got sent down, which left Carrie and Johnny in the care of the skank. Dad and I did what we could for them while Reck was inside. I wish we did more, as maybe if we had, she wouldn’t have been taken by Child Protective Services and then in the hands of that sick monster.
Carrie shudders and whimpers in her sleep. Holding her closer, kissing her head, I whisper to her, “I’ve got you, babydoll. You’re safe.”
Fuck she still has nightmares and moments when she goes into her head. Who can blame her? She'd survived hell and managed to save herself like the badass my girl is.
Fuck I know I’m driving her mad, but I can’t lose her again. I wouldn’t survive it.
So, I struggle with her being out of my sight or not knowing where she is. I know she feels I’m crowding her and suffocating her, but I can’t help myself.
Beau and I need her. I just can’t let anything happen to her again.
She whimpers again in her sleep.
“It’s okay, shhh. You’re safe,” I say in what I hope is a reassuring voice.
She settles for a second before she lets out a scream and jerks awake.
“Fuck, babydoll, I’ve got you,” I tell her as I sit up and pull her into my body, wrapping my arms around her.
“Jason,” she whimpers.
Her body is shaking, and I can feel the tears on my bare chest.
It breaks my heart to see her struggling like this. She’s been going to therapy and working it all out. The nightmares are becoming less and less.
Fuck, it’s only been just over a year since she escaped and found her way home.
“Jason,” she says, her voice a little stronger.
“I’m here, babydoll.”
“Make me forget,” she says as her voice gets a little husky.
Her hand slowly strokes down my chest and beneath the sheet around my waist.
This is part of her recovery. Replacing the bad memories with good memories. Who am I to deny my girl?
Placing my fingers under her chin, lifting her face to mine as our lips meet. Kissing the sadness and pain away. Laying her back down on the bed, I kiss my way down her sexy as fuck body. Cupping her breasts in my hands as I take her nipple between my lips and suck.
Her back arches off the bed as my name leaves her mouth in a lust-ladened whisper.
Taking her nipple between my teeth, I nip it getting a moan from her. Fuck, the noises she makes when I touch her make me harder than steel.
