Page 5 of Carrie's Strength
“So, Carrie, where do you feel the most comfortable starting? You understand we need to really look at what happened to you?” she continues.
“I don’t really know where to start,” Carrie replies in a small voice.
“Start from the beginning,” Dr. Wood advises.
Carrie seems to be quiet for a few moments like she’s gathering her thoughts and strength. Squeezing her a little, I slowly rub my thumb over the top of her hand, hoping she can take strength from me being here. She raises her eyes to look at me, and I can see the pain and fear in them. They punch me right in the chest.
“Babydoll, you are safe here, and I will not let anything hurt you again,” I tell her.
Dr. Wood nods her head at me, confirming this is the right thing to say.
“It wasn’t so bad to start with. He wasn’t nasty to me, but he wasn’t kind either. More indifferent. He ignored me most of the time like he barely tolerated me,” Carrie explains.
“So, when did the behavior change toward you?” Dr. Wood prompts.
Carrie seems to take another minute to think.
“I’m not sure, to be honest. I noticed it more when my pregnancy started to show. Thinking about it, I really noticed it once my body started to change due to the pregnancy. My hips got wider, and I became curvier, plus my breasts were huge. It was around that time that Mom also noticed the change in him. She became angry with me, calling me a whore. Saying I was flirting and teasing him,” she says.
I can’t hide the shock on my face when she mentions her mom. Carrie had never mentioned her mom up until now. I store this information to discuss with her and the boys later. Reck is definitely going to want to know his ol’ lady was involved.
“That must have been hard to hear from your own mother. How did that make you feel?” Dr. Wood asks.
“Hearing that from anyone is not going to make you feel great, but that wasn’t the nastiest thing she called me. Mom never was going to win any awards for mother of the year, but it definitely got worse once he came into our lives. He supplied her with drugs,” Carrie explains.
I really want her to tell us more. This is the first time she has mentioned anything about her time there or even how she came to be there. Reck and BJ have asked her a few times, but she clams up. I know it’s going to be bad and it will be painful for her, but she needs to get it out so she can move forward.
“Is that how you came into contact with him?” Dr. Wood asks.
“Yes, Mom met him in a bar one night. Said he was her ticket to a better life, so I needed to do as I was told and not mess this up for her. She promised once we were stable, we would be able to have Johnny with us.” Carrie stops and shakes her head.
“It was all a lie. She never wanted Johnny with us. She admitted it one night, when she was drunk, said we were better off without him as he was just like my dad. My dad is a good man. That got me a slap on the face when I told her so,” Carrie says with tears in her eyes.
I squeeze her hand and rub my thumb over the top of her hand. I want her to continue, but I also don’t want to push her too much.
“What happened between your mom and him?” Dr. Wood presses.
“She really thought he was this great guy. Great guys do not want anything to do with someone like my mom. She was a drunk, a drug user, and a whore. I knew I couldn’t trust him. He had an evil glint in his eyes. I tried to stay out of their way as much as possible. But that became harder when we got evicted, and Mom moved us to live with him. I didn’t want to go, but I couldn’t live on the streets while pregnant. I needed to put Beau first.”
I can’t keep quiet any longer
“Babydoll, you did what you had to do to keep yourself and our son safe. Thank you for doing that,” I tell her. I look at Dr. Wood to confirm I was okay to speak.
“Joker, you do not need permission to speak. Please feel free to ask Carrie questions. If she is comfortable answering, then she will tell you.”
Nodding, I turn to Carrie.
“What happened to your mom, babydoll?” I ask.
“Her drug habit got worse, and she ended up owing him a lot of money. By that time, he was also sick of her crap. She basically sold me, and then he kicked her out. I never saw her again.”
I sit there in shock. I knew her mom was more interested in the drugs than Carrie and Johnny, but to physically sell your own flesh and blood is beyond evil.
“I think that is enough for today. We can continue this next session. Carrie, you did brilliantly. How did it feel having Joker here?” Dr. Wood asks.
“I have no secrets from Joker and having him here gave me a little more strength to talk about everything. Maybe we can do the same next week? Joker joining us for the second half of the session?” Carrie asks.
“Of course, whichever you feel comfortable with, Carrie,” Dr. Wood confirms.
