“Cord, I…I’ve never done this before.”
I smile and wrap my arms around him. “Neither have I. We’ll learn together.”
All inhibitions are thrown to the wind when his lips close around my cock. I nearly come on the spot. For someone who has never done this before, he takes to it like a pro. I have all I can do to last a few minutes, and when I come, he swallows it all and licks my cock clean. Then he straddles my hips and gripshis own dick, sliding his hand through the precum glistening on the head.
“Let me do that,” I offer, replacing his hand with mine.
“I want to fuck you,” he breathes. “Is that okay?”
I nod eagerly, fisting his stiffening cock.
“Get me wet.”
He leans over me and I suck his cock into my mouth, running my tongue around its smooth heat. I bury my nose in his groin, breathing in his musky maleness as I lube his shaft. He pulls away from me and inserts two fingers in his mouth, pressing them against my hole. At first I tense up, wary of the intrusion, but then he bends over to kiss me, easing me into the contact.
“This will probably hurt,” he says, and I wonder how he knows about this stuff. “We’ll take it slow.”
When he drags the head of his cock along the crack of my ass, I feel myself harden again. I don’t know if it’s because it’s the first time or the fact that it’s Asher, but I feel like I’m hyperventilating. He teases my hole, pressing against the ring of muscles but not entering until I beg him.
“Put it in me, Ash.”
He goes slow, inching in a little at a time. Once his cock bottoms out inside me, I feel like I can finally breathe again.
“Am I hurting you?” he asks.
“Yes, but it’s a good hurt.” The best. “Don’t stop.”
We’re both new at this, so it’s messy and awkward and painful, but it’s also the best thing that has ever happened to me. Better than my transition. Better than that first taste of blood afterward. Better than all the fights I’ve sought and won over the years.
Both of us come within minutes, but it doesn’t diminish the experience. That’s when I decide having Asher’s cock inside me is the greatest feeling in the world.
I try to push the memory away, but its warmth spreads through me.
“We did learn together, didn’t we?” he asks.
We were each other’s firsts, the consummation of a need I’d had since that first day I saw him in the group home. I don’t know what attracted me to him. Why a twelve year old boy would crave the attention of another like that. No one had ever come close to tempting me away from him. Even after I left, no one had taken his place.
So why can’t I let myself trust him? Why do I keep pushing him away?
“That was a long time ago,” I murmur.
“And yet I remember it like it was yesterday. More than my transition. More than that first taste of blood.”
Exactly how I felt when it happened. How can two people who fit together so well grow so far apart? “You were my world, Ash. Until you met Carlyle.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “I can’t change what’s already happened. All I can do is promise to be better. I never meant to hurt you, Cord. You were–are–everything to me. That day I went to your cell, I had made up my mind that I would accept whatever punishment Oscar handed out if I was caught, but I was going to tell you how I felt. I couldn’t live with the secret any longer.”
“And you were caught.”
Oscar discovered us together and threw Asher in another cell. Not for fucking me, but for stealing his keys and violating my punishment. We didn’t see each other for a week.
It was one of the longest weeks of my life.
Until I walked out on him and spent the last ten years without him.
I know I don’t have the strength to do it again, so I have to be sure. I have to know that he’s not going to pull the same shiton me. Because as much as I love him, I’ve also learned to love myself. It’s taken a long time, and it’s a struggle I’m proud of, but I’ve finally come to accept myself, with all my faults. I know I’m not perfect, but I still live by a code, despite what I’ve become.
“It was worth it,” he says now. “Everything I’ve ever had to endure to be at your side has been worth it.”