Page 24 of Making Haven
My last ditch effort is to slam myself against the zere, hoping to leave myself enough room to run. Maybe if I leverage my sword just right I can slip away. I’m about to move when my world is a mess of red.
Hot, wet blood splashes across my face and I blink rapidly, praying that none of it has gotten into my eyes or mouth. I use the front of my shirt to wipe it away, wondering what the fuck just happened and why the zere in front of me is falling to the ground dead.
As the body falls, it reveals Lawrence standing behind it. His fangs are down and he lets out a growl like I’ve never heard before. I take a step away from the fence just as he leans into it, reaching across the links in order to dig his fingers into the skulls of the zombies there, ripping out parts of their brains and throwing them onto the ground like he’s wiping away mud, or dirty water. He’s killed all three of them like they’re nothing.
My knees hit the ground before I even realize what’s happening, my stomach turning. My last meal makes its way up my throat but I manage to keep it down, just barely. My head grows foggy and my throat feels like it’s closing up.
Fuck.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t do it.
And once again, Lawrence was there to save me.
“What thehellwere you thinking?” Lawrence finally rounds on me, staring down at me with wide eyes. “You could have fuckingdied, Devin!”
“Well, I didn’t,” I say, trying to get my heart to stop racing, trying to get my vision to stop blurring. Everything inside of me is screaming that this was a mistake. I proved to myself that I’m nothing but a burden to Lawrence.
The only reason I’m here is because Ihaveto be, not because I want to be. My head continues to swirl with overwhelmingthoughts. “Fuck, I didn’t need your help. I could have handled that on my own,” I try to say, my voice coming out in harsh pants.
“Not from where I’m standing! You were seconds away from being that zere’s next meal!”
I can’t take this. I can’t take almost dying and then being confronted with Lawrence’s anger and disappointment. No. This isn’t right. None of this is right.
I stand up and Lawrence rushes over, trying to help me. I slap his hands away from me, ignoring the look that crosses his face.
I can’t do this. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I can’t fucking do this.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I hiss out, grabbing my sword and taking off towards the house I’ve been staying in. I ignore the inner voice inside of me, trying to remind me that it was ‘my house’ for so long. Not anymore. None of these are mine. They’reLawrence’s, and I refuse to take his kindness for a moment longer.
I should wait until I calm down but I can’t. My body works on autopilot. I storm into the house, grab my shit, shoving it back into my bag. Why the fuck did I ever unpack? Why the fuck did I let myself hope that this place was the answer.
“Devin,” Lawrence says, his voice thick with emotion. “You have to stop. You can’t go right now. Sit down for a second. You don’t have to stay here but you should at least wait until the sun comes back up.”
What he’s saying makes sense. But I don’t stop. I don’t let myself calm down. I keep going.
I can’t fucking do this. Nothing is right. Nothing makes any sense.
“I don’t want to stay.” I shove my backpack onto my back. “I’m leaving and don’t you dare fucking stop me. I’ll never forgive you.”
“I’ll never forgive myself if you run out of here and get yourself killed.”
“You don’tneedme here, Lawrence. And I hate the fact that I apparently need you. So fuck off and let me go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Never been more sure of anything in my life,” I say, tilting my chin up and just begging for him to argue with me. Instead, he steps aside.
With him out of the way, I walk outside. My steps are uncoordinated and clumsy as I make my way down the sidewalk and towards the entrance of the gate. Thankfully, I hear no zombies as I enter the woods. I keep walking, not knowing where the fuck I’m supposed to be heading, just knowing that I can’t stay here.
Chapter Twelve
Lawrence
What the actual fuckjust happened?
I feel like my feet have fallen into cement, keeping me frozen in place, unable to chase after Devin. His words keep playing over and over inside my head. What the fuck did hemeanthat ‘I don’t need him but he needs me’? How am I supposed to even begin to process that while he’s on his way back out into the wild?
