Page 18 of Making Haven
I blink, realizing I’d been staring at him. My cheeks warm without my permission and I quickly look at a tree over his shoulder. I nod and give him a grunt to tell him I’m ready.
Lawrence gets some of the shaving cream onto his hands before carefully putting it on my face. I suck in a sharp breath, cursing the way my stomach flutters at the touch. His brows furrow as his fingers smooth the cream over my cheeks, down to my chin. I tilt my head up, letting him spread the shaving cream to my neck. This is intimate in a way that makes me want to push him away and fucking run, but I keep myself in place.
“There we go,” Lawrence whispers and I can feel his breath against my skin. A shiver runs through me that has nothing to do with the cool night air.
“Remember what I said,” I murmur, my voice coming out gruffer than I mean for it to be. I clear my throat. “Please don’t cut me. I’ve survived this long, I’m not going out by a slip up during a shave.”
“Your pretty face is safe with me.”
Huh. He thinks I’m pretty?
I close my eyes as the razor touches my left cheek, starting just below my ear. It moves down, the scraping of it against my facial hair is loud in the otherwise quiet space we’ve made for ourselves.
Sinking into the feeling, I let myself have this. It’s just a moment of peace in an otherwise world of distrust and shit. After everything, I’ve earned this, haven’t I? I deserve this one moment just to enjoy another person doing something kind for me, even if I know it won’t last forever.
What’s the point of surviving if I don’t allow myself tolive?
A shaky breath escapes me as my body finally loses the tension I’ve been holding in, maybe for the last two years. I tilt my head slightly, giving Lawrence a better angle for shaving my cheekand down to my throat. Despite my best efforts to keep him at arm’s length, I trust him.
At the very least, I trust him not to slit my throat and drain me of my blood. That must count for something, right?
“Alright,” Lawrence whispers, “that side is looking good. Let’s move to your other cheek.”
I turn my head for him, my stomach flipping as his fingers gently touch my chin, moving me the way he wants. I swallow around the lump in my throat. I want to say something, anything, but can’t find the words. Instead, I keep my eyes firmly closed, not wanting to get caught staring.
The razor runs down my right cheek, Lawrence’s movements calculated and careful. When was the last time someone cared for me like this? When was the last time I felt gentleness?
Fuck, why is this making me so emotional? Why is this putting so many things into perspective?
“Now I’m gonna do your chin and your throat. Tilt your head up for me?”
My heart is hammering against my ribs as I tilt my head up. With Lawrence’s super hearing, I would be surprised if he couldn’t hear the way this is affecting me. Despite all of that, I keep my face blank, doing my best to keep what little walls I have left up in place.
“How do we feel about the mustache? Do you wanna keep it or should that go too?”
“Get rid of it,” I tell him, finally allowing myself to open my eyes. I pinch my lips together as he shaves my mustache away, doing my best to make it easier for him. This close, I can make out the details of his face that I’ve been pointedly ignoring up to this point. His eyes are icy blue, so at odds with how warm and welcoming he’s been since meeting him. They’re pretty. Really pretty. Just like the rest of him.
Those pretty blue eyes dart around my face, checking and double checking that he’s gotten everything. He nods to himself, his lips splitting into a smile when he’s decided everything looks good.
“Perfect,” Lawrence says, picking up a cloth I didn’t even realize he had, wiping the excess shaving cream away from my face. Without my permission, I lean into his touch. “All done.”
Lawrence drops the cloth but his hand is still on my face, skin to skin. His touch is cooler than I was expecting but not unwelcome. He swipes what must be the tiniest bit of shaving cream away from my upper lip. Before he can move away fully, I pucker up my lips, kissing his thumb.
Fuck.
Shit.
Why the hell did I do that?
I’m expecting him to pull away, or to give me a look of disgust. Instead, he looks at me with a cross of bewilderment and wonder. My stomach is turning itself into knots, unsure of what I’m doing, only that I want to do this, whatever it is, with Lawrence.
I want toliveinstead of just clawing my way through survival.
“How do I look?”
Lawrence’s eyes stare at my mouth for a long moment before they’re finally snapping up to meet my own. He licks his lips before whispering, “perfect.” His voice breaks and he pulls away, clearing his throat. I immediately miss him being in my space. “You look incredibly handsome.”
“Thank you. Thank you for doing that. I really appreciate it.”
