Page 62 of Serena
“Oh, Serena, I think you do. I bet if I put my hands between your legs, you’d be soaking for me.” He’s right, but this situation isn’t. It’s wrong on so many levels. I have to leave.
“Ian, let me go,” I plead. And he does, because one thing I know in my soul is that Ian would never physically hurt me without my consent. Emotionally, well, that’s another story.
“Don’t you dare run, Serena,” he says as if reading my mind.
“I’m not running, I just need space. This…” I motion to us. “This is too much right now. Everything is too much. Don’t try to stop me, Ian.” I don’t give him time to answer. I just leave.
Idid exactly what I said I wouldn’t do. I ran. As soon as I left the restaurant, I went to my apartment and packed an overnight bag along with work essentials. I went straight to the airport and bought a one-way ticket to my past. Caligo Valley, a town nestled between the beautiful mountains of Colorado. It’s also twenty minutes away from the major airport.
Arriving, I’m greeted by my friend Angie. I called her after I bought my plane ticket, which was three hours ago. Like me, her past has brought her back to Caligo, but unlike me, she’s made peace with it, or so she tells me.
“Thank you so much for picking me up. I know it was short notice.” I hug my friend. We met freshman year of college. She and I have very similar upbringings, so we clicked instantly.
“Will you be going to your parents?”
“Hell no, I wouldn't make it through the night. Plus, they aren't the reason I came.” Angie was there that night. She hadthe misfortune of finding me. It’s something that we don’t talk about, but trauma bonds people.
“How’s the teaching going? Still love shaping young minds with the wonders of the world?” I try to lighten the mood. Being a teacher is hard, but being a professor at the University you attended, well, that’s a whole different story.
“It’s going very well. Maybe too well.” I don’t pry. My friend is very open when she wants to share. If she doesn’t follow up, that means it’s time to move on to another subject.
“Sorry I couldn’t make it to your birthday party.” There it is. The change in topic.
“Don’t worry about it; you didn’t miss much.” Technically, the party was over when all hell broke loose.
Finally arriving at my lodging for the next couple of days, we grab a late-night snack. Angie looks troubled.
“Serena, do you want me to go with you?” I reach across the table.
“No, I need to do this on my own. I’ve been avoiding this trip for a long time.” She squeezes my hand. “Thank you for offering. We need to plan a trip that doesn’t include me facing my trauma." We both laugh, but it’s a weak attempt to hide the concern that is so evident in her face. “Angie, I promise to call you if I need you. Now, I need to get some rest. I’m exhausted.”
“You should have toldme you were going. Or at least stayed with my dad.” Yuri is all but screaming at me. I decided to check in and make sure she was all right. She and Xander left my party in a hurry.
“I need to do this on my own. And doesn’t your dad have a new girlfriend?”
“Yeah, don’t remind me. That man can’t date someone his own age, but he’s happy, and this one is my favorite so far. Come to think of it, this is the only woman he’s called ‘girlfriend.’” She pauses. “Serena, I’m really worried about you. Have you talked to Ian?”
“No.” I'm avoiding the topic. He’s been calling and texting nonstop. “I just need to take care of this.”
“Please call me if you need me to fly down.”
“I will,” I lie. She’s got her own things going on, and I think they may be serious.
The first night here,I didn’t get any sleep. The nightmare returned. The next day, I stayed in bed and worked. Penger, now Kayde Investments, has a small office here, but I don’t intend to go anywhere. Instead, I stay in my hotel room and work remotely. I don’t feel like being around others. “Don’t isolate yourself,” I tell myself.
Last night, it was the same thing. Same nightmare and more spiraling. I woke up so anxious that I spent the morning throwing up. I need to do this. I’ve lived with this for five years. Everyone is moving on with their life, and I’m just stuck in an endless cycle of self-sabotage and misery. Just shattered.
I step outside, and the fresh air and breeze cool my clammy skin. I’m staying close to downtown. During the day, it’s full of life, with kids playing in the park and residents going about their daily routines. Caligo Valley is known for the beautiful mountain scenery, hikes, hidden waterfalls, and majestic sunsets. I love experiencing all the seasons; it’s the only thing I miss. It’s as beautiful as it is dangerous.
The evenings are vibrant and full of life. Locals and tourists come out to party, but not as much as the students from Ivystone University, my alma mater. They overrun the night. Yuri and I both attended Ivystone.
Yuri has always been so charming and the life of the party, which helped during our freshman and sophomore years of college. She loved going to parties, the football games, and tailgates. Your typical college experience. Me? I was focused on my grades, getting an internship, preferably with a company that would hire me straight out of college and offer me a good salary and benefits. Security, as my parents would say.
I start to walk the path that I’ve avoided for years. I can feel my legs hesitate, but I have to push myself. My body is responding to the trauma it went through. I instinctively touch my scar. As I approach my destination, I get the feeling of being watched. It feels cold, and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. I look around but don’t see anyone. Fuck. It’s my paranoia again.Respira,I keep telling myself.
I come to a stop. My heart is beating so fast, I think it might explode. My hands are trembling uncontrollably. My stomach turns at the sight in front of me. The remains of what used to be I.V. Bar come into view. I realize my vision is blurry. Tears are streaming down my face. The breeze dries them, but they just keep coming. I take a step closer.
Five years ago, this was a two-story bar that college students and locals preferred. The first floor had a bar and a small stage for local bands to perform. The second floor had a smaller bar with pool tables. It was the place to go to party. Now, it’s just gone. Burned to the ground. Good riddance.
