Page 68 of Serena
“Serena.” My mother shouts my name in her disapproving tone. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nada, Mamá. There is nothing wrong with me.” I turn to my father. “There has never been anything wrong with me. Just like what happened wasn’t my fault.” My father gets up and walks away. I follow, as does my mother and Ian. One of the biggest losses of that night at the bar was the respect my father had for me. He blames me for putting myself in that position. Yes, I went there, but it wasn’t my fault. Therapy helped me see that.
“Papa, you don’t get to walk away from what happened to me.” He turns and looks at me with the same shame and disgust he had over five years ago.
“So, not only are you sleeping with your boss, but you decided to tell him the shame our family went through because of your irresponsible behavior?” I’m taken aback. I feel like my father just slapped me.
“Anthony!” I hear my mother yell, but I’m too stunned by my father’s words.
He continues, “Do you remember everything your mother and I went through? The police, the news, everything! We couldn't leave the house because you and your friends decided to go have some fun. Put yourself in danger, and look at what happened!” I stand there and take all his venomous words. Ian steps in front of me. Shielding me, but there is no stopping my father. “And you, Mr. Kayde. Sleeping with your employee. Whatkind of man does that? What position have you put her in?” My father directs his attention to me. “What happens when he gets tired of you, Serena? Do you think his family will accept someone with your past?”
Ian looks at me, but I can’t bring myself to meet his eyes. “Fuck her past. Some father, no, some man you are to throw what happened to her in her face. I will never get tired of Serena. I will, however, make sure she never has to see your goddamn face again.” He turns to my mother. “And you, Carla. How can you stand there and let him speak to your only daughter like that?”
I step in front of my father. “I’m sorry you still believe that as a woman, I don’t have the right to live my life without ‘putting myself’ in a situation. What I’m most sorry about is that I tried to live up to your expectations my whole life. I see you didn’t have a problem spending the money from the settlement from my rape.” I turn and head to the door. Neither of my parents follows. Only Ian.
We sit in the car while I try to compose myself. I knew my parents struggled with what happened to me. When I won the lawsuit against the bar, I thought that would serve as a form of compensation to them. If it weren’t for the media, no one would have known. When my dad’s siblings found out, they stopped visiting. That just added to my shame. My own family didn’t support me through my crisis.
“Serena.” I feel the warmth of his hands on mine.
“He’s right, you know. My father.” I let out a shaky breath. “About my past—what will happen when your family finds out? And we work together. You’re my boss. This is such a cliché. Boss and employee sleeping together.” His hand moves to my cheek, and I lean into him.
“My family will love you. As far as work, I told you that I will quit if that’s what it will take.”
“Can we just go home?”
“Anything my girl wants.” He pulls away from my childhood home, and I don’t look back.
We land in Veridian Bay,and Gus is waiting for us, as per usual. I slept the whole trip. Physically recovering from my night with Ian and emotionally from the entire trip. I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since the piece of toast this morning. I turn to Ian, who’s typing away on his phone.
“Let’s get something to eat, I’m starving.”
“That sounds good, but just something to hold you over—we have an appointment at seven.” I'm too hungry to care right now. I press the partition down. “Gus, can we stop at our usual spot for a snack, please?”
He smiles. “Of course, Serena.”
“Your usual spot? You have a spot with my driver?” Ian turns to Gus, who’s grinning, having expected this reaction from Ian.
“Well, yes. Sometimes when he takes me home, we stop by a smoothie place. Super good.” I smile, egging him on. “Technically, you can’t get mad since you’re the one giving him the orders to babysit me.”
“I’m going to fire him.” He looks at Gus.
“You and I both know you aren’t. So leave him alone. Now be nice, and I’ll let you fuck me however and whenever you want.” I put my hand on his inner thigh.
“No, I won’t be nice, but just because it’s you, I won’t fire him. But I’ll still fuck you whenever and however I want.”
After we stopped for our smoothie, I noticed Gus was driving away from the city toward the coast. “Where are we going?”
“To my parents. They invited us to dinner. I figure, why not get that out of the way today? Mom’s been dying to meet you.”
“Ian! I’m not ready. Shit, I’m in yoga pants and a T-shirt. How long have you known about this?”
“Since we boarded the plane earlier. I met your parents; you should meet mine.”
My father’s words come to mind. What if he’s right and Mr. and Mrs. Kayde don’t like me? What if they find out? All the what-ifs are playing in my head. I’m spiraling.
“Serena, stop that. Stop overthinking.”
I hate that he’s pushing me to do this. I’m not ready. Shit, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. I’m too busy catastrophizing to notice we’ve arrived. I’m having a panic attack.
