Page 64 of When Sinners Rise
“Thank you.” I risk looking up at him. I didn’t see it in the car, but his left eye is cut over the brow. “You’re hurtagain?” I step toward him and try to angle his face so I can see better, but he snatches my wrist away.
“I’m fine. Come on.” He moves to open the door for Naja, who obliges and gets out. She lingers next to me, and we follow Shaw as he leads us around the back to the room. He opens the door for us, and we head in. “I’ll be next door.” He walks through the adjoining room and leaves the door open.
When he’s out of sight, Naja collapses on the bed. Her head drops to the pillow, and she pulls her knees up to her chest and starts to cry. Soft, muffled noises drift over to me.
There was a time when rushing to her to offer comfort would be the first thing I’d do, without any thought or indecision, but I stand, hovering, before realising I’m being stupid.
I perch on the edge of the bed and put my hand on her shoulder. No matter what has happened over the last year, she’s my sister. My blood. She doesn’t respond, but her cries continue. So, I pull myself onto the bed and curl my body around hers until the tears begin to even out and our breathing aligns. It’s not long before it shifts again, and I’m sure she’s asleep. I could move, but I’m safe, and I have my sister back. And for a few moments, that’s the most important thing.
~
“Miri?” Shaw’s voice wakes me. I’m in the same position, snuggled up against Naja. “Food.” He motions with his head to the other room, and I gently move off the bed.
A selection of fast food is laid out on the small table in Shaw’s room. It all smells heavenly, but then a table of fat and grease would. I pick a burger and sit down.
“Thank you.” I pick at the wrapper and look up at Shaw. “You’ve done what you said. You got her out. So, thank you.” He picks up his own burger and starts to eat. I can feel his eyes on me as he glances over. “What will you do now?” We talked so much earlier, it felt natural to ask him questions and talk to him. Now, it feels like there’s a shadow casting us into darkness when we should be celebrating. I take a bite of the burger.
“I still need to make sure you’re safe and gone. Don’t worry.”
“I meant with your family?”
“That’s a big old mess of complicated shit.”
I sigh. He’s right. My expectations and reality seem to have collided and been mixed in the crash when I think about rescuing Naja.
“How is she?” Shaw asks, around a mouthful.
“I’m not sure. Sad. Angry.” I take another bite.
“I warned you, Miri.”
“I know. But I thought that would be physical. It’s like she’s a different person.” I try to remember our last moments together. How she was, what she said to me. “It’s too soon, and like you said. Complicated.”
“Living with your sins can be hard. They weigh you down and suck you to a place you don’t even recognise.” He tosses the remnants of his burger down and sits back.
“Anything for me?” Naja appears at our side.
“Of course.” I gesture with my hand. “Take your pick.”
She grabs a box of what turns out to be chicken pieces and some fries but doesn’t stay with us.
I look at Shaw, feeling awkward and out of place. Guilty, even. “I’m going to go and sit with her.”
“Sure. Get some rest. It’ll be a long day tomorrow.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask what his plan is but now isn’t the time.
I smile and leave to speak to Naja.
She’s sitting cross-legged on the bed. “It’s good.” She holds up the food before taking another bite. She seems unsure, vulnerable, even. “You’re okay?” she asks, finally.
“In a manner of speaking. I’m not sure if I can attest to anything more than that right now. And you’re okay? You don’t seem as… You’re okay?” I want to say she doesn’t seem happy; maybe there’s nothing to be happy for.
“I’m as okay as I can be. I’m out of that place, but there’s a lot I don’t understand. You’re going to have to help me out there.” She gives me a pointed look, and I know what she’s getting at.
“And I will. Just not yet. When we’re safe.” I stall her because I don’t know how to explain about Shaw.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever feel safe again. Not after what they did to Jackson. Coming for him – for us – after all that time.”
