Page 90 of When Sinners Rise
“What do you want me for, Landon?” I ask.
He keeps writing. “I don’t particularly.”
“Then why did Willow tell me you did?”
He puts his pen down on the desk and leans back in his chair, clasping his hands. More silence continues, and he just stares at me like he’s got something to say but isn’t getting around to saying it.
“Look, I know none of this was what you wanted, and I sure as shit know you wouldn’t have chosen someone like me for her – not that that’s any of your goddamn business because she isn’t actually your daughter – but I’m here now and Miri’s happy and we’re gonna be fine if you just give us a fucking break. This kinda bullshit has to stop.”
“Bullshit? What bullshit?”
My hand waves at him behind his desk. “This. You. Summoning me like you’re her father.” He barely moves. I’m not even sure the asshole breathes most of the time. Who has that level of stillness? It’s freaky as fuck. “Just get whatever you’ve got to say said, and then-”
“I am like her father, Shaw. And, like it or not, you’re still Cortez filth regardless of your abandonment of them.” The accuracy of the words, punctuated with the look of sheer fucking disgust on his face, both riles and floors me. I don’t know where to look or what to do. He’s not once been as direct as that since I met him. “How did that feel?”
I look up from the chair leg I was staring at. “Antagonising.”
“Hmm. Annoying, isn’t it? Imagine how I feel when I have to accept that fact and welcome it into my home.” I frown and watch him get up, both pissed and humbled in some ways. “It’s a shame she loves you as much as she does. I’m not entirely sure you deserve such devotion.”
“Yeah, well, I’m damn sure you’re not the fucking idol Willow seems to think you are, either. Life’s screwed that way when it comes to love.”
His lips tip up in some kind of a smile, and he comes around from behind his desk. “You're right. I'm not. Not in the slightest. You should remember that.” Tension builds between us as he stares, and I do my best to keep my mood in check. “Are you going to propose?”
“What?”
He goes back to his desk and closes a file. “Marriage, Shaw. It’s what one does when one's in love, and over here, you should ask permission from the father of the bride should you want to walk her down the aisle. He should like you before you try.” He turns back to me and leans on his desk. “I might,at some point, be amenable to requests.” I stare, bewildered. Thankfully, the sound of heels coming along the corridor cuts through whatever this episode is developing into.
Ivy turns into the room, two kids at her feet and Blake in tow.
“There you are!” she says. “Dinner’s almost ready.” One of the kids goes straight for Landon, and I watch him pick him up. “Is my brother being an arse?” Yes. Actually, I’m not sure. “You are, aren’t you? Shaw?” I look at her. “Miri’s waiting for you in the dining room. Please go rescue her from Scott attempting to talk her into letting him paint her.” I look back at Landon and keep frowning, but given the kid in his arms and a ruck of guests apparently here, I think we’ve lost whatever we were just getting into.
I turn and leave, still frowning about that whole weird conversation. Why would he think I was about to propose? I’m not. Hadn’t even thought about it. Not until this moment, anyway. We haven’t known each other long enough for that, and yeah, we might be in love – pretty fucking desperately, now I think about it – but life isn’t settled in that way. I mean, we’re still working our way through what was, and I’m still trying to work out who the hell I am without my family, and Miri, well, I guess she’s still trying to deal with the past despite her saying she’s moving forward.
“Oh, thank God,” she says, coming in from the side and grabbing hold of my arm. “Save me.” I look up and find myself at the entrance to the dining room. “Scott wants to paint me. Why? I can’t do that. Especially after seeing that risqué Seffi work. You don't think he means that, do you?” I raise a brow and look into the room, almost glaring at Scott because if he thinks he’s getting one inch of my woman’s skin on show, he better get ready for some pretty savage response. “Also, where have you been?”
I wrap an arm around her. “With Landon.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
She comes round in front of me, taking both my hands in hers. “Was he horrible again?”
“Not sure.”
“He was, wasn’t he?”
“Yes. And no.”
She smiles and stares at me, and every second of that time with him filters to a place I’ll revisit when I’m ready. We’ve got other things to talk about first.
“Can we take a walk?” I ask.
“Now? Dinner’s nearly ready.”
“Yeah. Right now.”
She nods, and we walk out through the side doors onto the old terrace and down the elaborate steps. Paths and trees pass by us, as I keep thinking. I don’t even know what I’m trying to think about, but her beside me always helps. I think it’s just this place, or Earlwood. Neither of them are me, and despite loving her, I feel outside of it all. Just me and her and I’m mostly fine, but all this? All of them? Weird.
