Page 14 of Beneath Her Hands
“Crazy I can handle, but that’s not what you are,” Rosalind said and sagged against the sink.
“What does that mean?” Jane asked.
“You’re not crazy; your indecisive, which is interesting, because in there,” she tilted her head toward the operating room, “you work like a goddess, you never for a second doubt yourself.”
“That’s different,” Jane said.
“I know that,” Rosalind answered with an exasperated sigh. “Still, you seem to have a lot that you need to figure out, and when you do, I’ll be waiting.”
“You seem confident I’ll come running to you,” Jane snapped.
“Not at all actually. I have no idea what you’re going to do, but I can’t make these decisions for you, so like I said, I’ll be waiting,” Rosalind took a towel and dried her hands, then left the room without looking back. Jane leaned against the sink looking down into the running water. She hated to admit it, but Rosalind was right. She needed to figure out what she was doing—or trying to do. It would probably be best to put some space between the two of them for now, since she obviously couldn’t think straight when Rosalind was around.
What she didn’t count on was just how difficult that was going to be. Every time she turned around, there was Rosalind. She kept her distance, like she said she would, but that only bothered Jane that much more. Again and again, she ran into her, in the halls, in the ER, even in the cafeteria. There didn’t seem to be anywhere in the hospital where Rosalind wasn’t.
To make matters worse, even when Rosalind wasn’t there, she was getting compliments on the successful surgery, thanks to the flawless teamwork between the two of them. There waseven talk of a reporter coming in to talk to them. Jane quickly brushed it off, though. She wasn’t willing to discuss patients with the press. Then it felt like, all of the sudden, Rosalind was gone. No one was sure where she went, just that she wasn’t at the hospital anymore. She wasn’t on-call that night, so it really shouldn’t have bothered Jane nearly as much as it did that Rosalind went home, but for some reason she felt hurt that she didn’t bother to say anything, she just left.
Jane tried to convince herself that it was fine as she made one last round through the patients. They were all well on their way to recovery, and despite Jane’s initial misgivings, it turned out that the one woman’s arm was so badly damaged that there really was nothing Rosalind could have done to save it, and when she read through the report, just being thorough of course, she realized that Rosalind had truly tried to save it, but it was too far gone.
Jane finally finished all her paperwork and decided to head home. She needed a break from all the noise, and her quiet apartment seemed like the perfect escape, at least until she got there. She realized just how alone she felt, and just how ridiculous she was being about Rosalind. There was no reason for her to be dwelling on this so much. She liked Rosalind; she was willing to admit that. Thinking back to their experience in the on-call room made her heart start pounding all over again. Maybe she was taking this all too seriously. Rosalind hadn’t pressured her. She had not forced her into anything she didn’t want—Jane needed to be willing to admit that to herself. What was she so afraid of? Was it another heartbreak? Her mind drifted to Leslie. Their relationship had been good, but nothing like what she felt for Rosalind right now.
Maybe it was the novelty of it all, or maybe there was more to it than she wanted to admit. Maybe it was more than just primal attraction, something deeper, something real. What she had feltfor Leslie had been no less real, but it never really seemed to go too far beneath the surface; she had tried to be someone for Leslie that she was not. She pushed herself aside to be the person she thought Leslie wanted her to be, and in the end she had been wrong. That hurt her more than the break-up. The knowledge that she had given up so much of herself, and that it didn’t even matter. No one would be able to love her until she was able to truly be herself, scary as that thought was.
Granted, she’d only known Rosalind a short time, but she had not even hinted that she wanted Jane to be anything other than Jane Roberts. There was a certain freedom to the thought. On an impulse, she tried to call Rosalind, but it went straight to voicemail, so she hung up. Maybe not tonight, she thought. Maybe tomorrow, maybe someday she would be ready.
She glanced at her phone again, but it was silent, then suddenly a notification pinged. It was Dr. Mars. She requested that Jane come back to the hospital as quickly as possible. Her heart sank; she prayed that it wasn’t the guide. She quickly left her apartment. Luckily, she hadn’t changed out of her clothes, so all it took was a glance and she was on her way back to the hospital.
She entered and found the atmosphere of the place was heavy. Her chest constricted as she went through the lobby and into Dr. Mars’ office. The lines on her face were deeper than usual, but her eyes were sharp as always.
“Is it the guide?” Jane asked, her voice unsteady.
“No, she’s fine, as a matter of fact, she woke up a few minutes ago,” Doctor Mars answered.
“Then what’s going on? Why did you call me back in?”
“It’s Mr. Maxwell,” Doctor Mars said, her lips pressed into a thin line.
“Has something happened?”
“He’s on his way here. Apparently, he had a pretty bad episode and tried to leave the house. His wife tried to stop him, but he pushed her down. She’s got a busted knee from it. Then Rosalind tried to calm him down, but it only escalated. He tried to fight his way past her and ended up falling down the stairs in front of their house. He’s hurt pretty bad, but he’s not in a mental state that can be helped. He doesn’t recognize anyone.” Doctor Mars pulled in a long breath.
“How’s Rosalind?” Jane asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.
“Not good,” Doctor Mars said. “She’s insisting she do the surgery on her father, but you know as well as I do that’s not possible.”
“How do I fit into this?” Jane asked, though she was afraid she knew the answer.
“Since I won’t let her perform the surgery, she’s insisting on you.”
7
Rosalind
Pacing back and forth in front of the window, she ignored Jane’s pointed looks as she tried to repair the damage her father had taken to his hip. The fall was bad but looked much worse than it really was. He had sustained a laceration to his head, which had bleed everywhere, and by the time they had brought him into the hospital, fighting the whole way, they had both been covered in blood.
After what seemed like a lifetime, but had in reality only been about an hour, Jane finally emerged from the OR. Her lips were pressed together as she regarded Rosalind. “Did you have to watch the whole surgery?” she asked and lifted an eyebrow.
“I’m sorry, but you’re the only one I really know around here, and I wanted to make sure Dad received the best care. I’ve worked in hospitals long enough to know that difficult patients sometimes get less care. I know it’s something that we all try to rise above, but it still happens. I… I needed you. I needed someone I could trust.”
