Page 36 of Beneath Her Hands
“Ask me what?” Jane said.
“What you want,” Rosalind said without moving her arm. “What you want from this, from us.”
“You want me to plan our future?” Jane asked as she poured the steaming water into the mugs.
“Maybe not plan it, but give me an idea of what it looks like for you, what do you want?”
“That’s tough,” Jane said. “I told you I’m falling in love with you, you know that, but we’re new, we’re just getting to know each other. Yet I feel like I’ve known you all my life, if that makes any sense. I don’t have a prescription, but I know I want to be with you, or at least near you.”
“Would you be able to handle my leaving for the military?”
“Why would I have to? Couldn’t I come with you?” Jane asked as she brought the two steaming mugs into the living room and set them on the coffee table.
“Just like that, you’d come with me?” Rosalind asked and leaned forward placing her hands around the mug.
“Well, I mean, we’re talking hypotheticals, here, I’ve told you I wanted to travel, I’ve been stuck here for too long, and with or without you, that’s happening, I’d just prefer it to be with you,” Jane said.
“I don’t want you to give up parts of yourself for me, any more than I want to give myself up for you. I don’t want to change who we are just because we are in a relationship,” Rosalind said.
Jane’s skin prickled in annoyance. “Is that what you think happens in relationships? One person gets to stay the same and the other just has to deal with it?”
“I don’t know,” Rosalind said with a slight chuckle. “That’s all I’ve ever seen—someone gives up everything for the other.”
“Is that what you think your mother did?”
“It seemed that way,” Rosalind said with a shrug.
“Your mother was a mentor to me,” Jane said and narrowed her eyes.
“What do you mean?” Rosalind asked.
“One of the nonprofits she founded was helping girls and young women to find their way in life, to find careers, ways to live on their own, to break the expectations of society,” Jane answered. “When I was in high school, they helped me to find and prepare for college, and then medical school. I ended up with several scholarships thanks to the organization, and your mother was the one who practiced interviewing with me until I was confident that I would make it into a medical program. In a way, I owe what I am to her,” Jane said.
Rosalind’s eyes widened with each word. “Are you serious?”
“I thought you knew that,” Jane said.
“It’s like my mother had a whole hidden life,” Rosalind said with a mirthless laugh.
“It wasn’t hidden, Rosalind,” Jane said with a scoff, “you were already gone by the time she got it off the ground.”
“Wow, I really am a self-absorbed asshole,” Rosalind said and buried her head in her hands.
“I’m not going to argue with that,” Jane said with a flat expression.
“Thanks,” Rosalind chuckled without humor.
“Look, you were all over the world saving lives, something your mother was immensely proud of,” Jane said. “She never pushed you to fit into some societal role. This was something she wanted to give to others once you left. I can understand that you wouldn’t really know about it, but it seems like you keep making assumptions about the people around you, even your own mother, and maybe you should just pay attention.”
Rosalind blinked a few times in response. “You’re right, but I still don’t know how. I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I don’t know how to put someone else first.”
“You don’t have to, it’s not about rank, it’s about partnership,” Jane said.
“I don’t know, I just… I think I need more time,” Rosalind said.
“Rosalind, I told you I’m willing to give you time, but you can’t expect me just to wait around for you.”
“I would never ask you to do that,” Rosalind said quickly.
