Page 91 of A Lady's Lesson in Scandal
Shit. That was badly done.
‘No. Please don’t think that. I don’t mean I no longer wish to marry you.’ He rushed to explain. ‘All I want is to be with you. Now and forever.’
Millie’s eyes – the exact shade of freshly brewed coffee – narrowed. ‘You wish to be with me forever, so you are breaking our engagement? Remind me why men are considered more logical than women.’
Drake’s lips twitched, but this was no time for levity. ‘When we first spoke of this engagement, in your father’s study after that kiss, you told me you didn’t want to marry me. You released me from any obligation to marry you.’
‘I remember.’ If a woman’s tone could cut, Drake would be bleeding all over the sheets.
‘But no one ever gave you the same choice. Not me. Not your father. Certainly not your horror of a stepmother.’
Millie scrunched her nose. ‘I’d rather not talk about Patricia when we’re in bed together. Or any time, actually.’
‘Good point. But so is mine. You deserve the right to choose. Not because you’re trying to escape a dirty old man. Not because you are trapped with a scarred earl and seeking freedom. Not because society is forcing you to follow rules of decorum.’
Drake was momentarily distracted by the elegant column of Millie’s throat contracting as she swallowed.
‘You are releasing me from this engagement so I can make my own choice about marrying you?’
Drake’s courage almost abandoned him. What if she left? What if he lost everything?
If she is free and happy and does not want me, then I will accept a solitary life.
‘Yes. I release you from this. I will tell your parents you broke the engagement. That I was not worthy of you. If you don’t wish to marry, Philippa will offer her home to you as long as you need it. You deserve freedom. If I give you nothing else, I hope to give you that.’
Millie crossed her hands under her breasts. ‘Do you still wish to marry me? Not because of your honour. Not because of our obvious attraction for each other. Not because I tricked you into compromising me. But because you want to be my partner in this madness.’
Drake never knew hope could hurt, but tears stung his eyes as he clenched his hands into fists and willed himself to stay in control. ‘More than anything. Yes.’
‘I wish to continue working with Philippa. Even after yesterday, maybe because of it. What happened, what I did was awful and terrifying and the most difficult moment of my life, but stopping Renquist saved you. It saved me. It saved countless other innocents. Will you be my partner in that as well?’
Drake exhaled. ‘I believe we are two sides of one coin, Millie. Your work with Philippa is just that. Yours. I may not agree with all your views, but I also won’t stop you from pursuing your goals.’
‘What if our goals conflict?’
‘Then we’ll compromise.’
Millie twisted her hair into a knot that immediately unravelled. ‘Compromise requires trust, Beau. This whole endeavour demands total trust. That isn’t our strength.’
‘I’m trusting you right now. To make the choice that is best for you. And if you choose me, you’ll be trusting me. I knowa woman loses all autonomy to her husband. If you marry me, you’ll be trusting me to give that control back to you.’
‘You, a man who values control above all other things.’
‘A man who used to value control because it gave me comfort. Now, I just want you. Because you bring me comfort. And sanity. And endless frustrations as well, I’m sure, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I will never try to control you or your choices. I may offer my opinions, even when you don’t ask for them. I won’t shy away from disagreements, and I won’t back down from conflict. I expect the same of you. But if we join our lives together, we do so as equals. Always.’
‘Our wedding is tomorrow, Drake. You would just let me leave? Knowing how the beau monde would ridicule you? How Nora and Patricia and all those hideous gossips would tear us both apart?’
‘I don’t care about them. I care about you. I want you to be happy, Millie. With or without me. And I have enough pride left to desire a union where my wife actually wants me. Where she hasn’t been forced or coerced or trapped into a lifelong commitment.’
And if I can’t have you as my wife, I don’t want another.
Millie shook her head. Pressing her hands against her eyes, she exhaled a shaky breath. It was all too much. He was offering her everything she wanted if she could just trust him to be true to his word. It was the biggest risk of her life.
‘I love you, Beau. I didn’t want to love you, but it happened anyway. It was like an unexpected gift to fall in love with the man I had to marry. But now, you’re telling me I don’t have to marry you. I never expected to be able to choose.’
When she didn’t have a choice, it was easy to make peace with the situation. But now, he was changing everything. This wasn’t an event happening to her. It was something she could influence. She was being given the greatest gift of all. Freedom to choose. And with her choice came ownership of the consequences. What if she chose Beau and they both regretted it?
‘I love you too, Millie. It’s because I love you, I won’t force this upon you. Even if it means losing all control.’ He huffed out a dry laugh. ‘I never had control of you to begin with, and I don’t want it now, or ever.’ He picked up her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm. ‘But I would like to share this life with you forever.’
