Page 46 of The Confessions of a Lady
Sitting down, he pulled her onto his lap. She stiffened, but after a moment, her body relaxed in slow degrees. It was easier to face the fire than look into her eyes. Perhaps this is why people bowed their heads when they prayed. Not in an act of deference, but to hide from the aching nakedness of true confession. He put one arm around her back, his hand curling around her waist and squeezing possessively. His other hand held hers, rhythmically rubbing his thumb over her palm. He focused on the contrast of callouses and tiny scars covering her fingers like a patchwork.
Certainly not the hand of a lady. But the hand of a woman.
‘He was a proud man, my father. The fifth Marquess of Stoneway. He expected his sons to be strong. Never admitting weakness. Neverallowingus to show weakness.’
‘No one is strong all the time.’ Her low voice soothed something raw inside him.
He absently brought Penny’s hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss against her fingertips. It helped. The weight of her body on his lap grounded him. The warm and spicy scent of her was comforting. The heat of her fingers against his lips created a physical connection he felt in his chest. ‘My father didn’t believe that. He was cruel with the servants. Forced himself onto the maids. Even my mother’s closest confidante. Her lady’s maid. I didn’t find out until his death, but this particular maid fell pregnant. He sent her away. When I realised the truth – how horribly she’d been treated, that I had a half-brother who’d been denied all the privileges I took for granted – I had to find them.’
‘Did you?’ Penny’s soft question unearthed the shallow grave holding his grief.
‘Not her. But I found my half-brother. Theodore.’ Liam sniffed, embarrassed to acknowledge his tears still flowed. ‘I thought if I could save Theo, give him the life he deserved, it would help somehow. Right one of my father’s many wrongs. Help us both escape the evil inherited by all Renquist men.’
‘Because you think you will inevitably become like your father?’
Shrugging, Liam felt stupid admitting his greatest fear. But it was too late to turn back. ‘The sins of the father are visited upon the children.’
‘Do you think that’s why Theo died? And Reynard too?’
Liam nodded. ‘My father destroyed Theo. And in an effort to earn Father’s approval, Reynard destroyed himself.’ His grief was suffocating him. He took in a shaky breath. ‘I spoke withthe priest after Reynard and Theo died. I asked him if we were cursed. If our sins were inescapable.’
‘Surely the priest allayed your fears.’ Penny stroked her fingers through his hair, her nails scraping pleasantly over his scalp.
The tension wrapping around his ribs tightened. He would never forget the words of the priest. It was the moment when his hope died. ‘He confirmed them. I have inherited my father’s evil blood just as I have his eyes, his height, his build. He recommended donating large sums to the church, participating in acts of charity, and working to find atonement through service to the crown.’
Penny framed his face in her work-roughened hands, turning his head and forcing him to meet her gaze. ‘That is a lie, Liam. A wicked deceit. We rise from the ashes of our ancestors, taking their lessons and making different choices. Better choices. If you were doomed to become your father, I wouldn’t be sitting here on your lap having this discussion.’
‘No. You would be beneath me as I drove us both into the fires of hell.’
I shouldn’t have said that.
But she didn’t withdraw. Penny closed her eyes, her breath coming hard and fast. He reclaimed her hand, resuming the rhythmic circles against her palm.
Opening her eyes, she took his fingers, aligning them to her own, pressing their hands flat together, palm to palm. Shifting slightly, she interlaced their fingers, squeezing gently as she spoke. ‘But you would never force that upon me. I know this, just as I know it is what we do that defines us, Liam. Our courage to stand for what is right. Our efforts to break the patterns of behaviour we’ve been taught. Our ability to deny reckless impulses for thoughtful considerations.’
‘What if I succumb to those reckless impulses? You’ve seen the beast inside me, raging for blood. What if I give myself over to the temptations pulling at me even now?’ He leaned forward, skating his nose along her cheek, taking her scent into his body and holding it there. ‘What if I am too weak to resist?’
‘You are many things, but weak is not one of them. You have the power to commit sinful acts, the urge to be selfish and cruel, but I have seen you fight those temptations and win. You did not kill that man in the alley. You hired a tutor, granting your staff an opportunity to learn. You bought new clothes for all of us. These are the actions of a good man. An honourable man.’ She spoke fiercely, her hazel eyes glowing green with fissures of rich brown cutting through like roots in a forest.
‘Don’t you see? I didn’t do those things because I am an honourable man. I did them for you, Penny. To win over your affections.’
She froze. He wasn’t sure who was more shocked by his admission, Liam or Penny, as she leaned back, her wide eyes blinking furiously.
Liam’s lips curled in a sad smile. ‘My desire for your esteem creates a false impression of respectability, sweet Penny.’
Her eyes narrowed and she exhaled a long breath. ‘What if I told you it was impossible? That my affections will never be yours. Would you regret the choices you made?’
‘No.’ Liam answered without thought. Because it was true. He wouldn’t regret making his servants’ lives better. If he could help them, he would. He had been given immeasurable wealth. Undeniable power. What good were such undeserved riches if he didn’t use them to benefit others? Especially when doing so took nothing away from Liam. ‘But I would always regret losing your esteem. Have I? Are your affections forever forbidden to someone like me?’
She bit her lip and his body responded with violent need. ‘Are the affections of a maid forbidden when they belong to a marquess? Of course they are. What would the beau monde say to such sacrilege of society’s rules?’
‘Fuck society. And fuck the beau monde.’
Penny’s startled laugh was like a beam of sunlight in absolute darkness. ‘You are truly a remarkable marquess.’
He did not deserve her praise. ‘I am a man full of darkness, Penny. Searching for light. And when I look at you, that is what I see. Warm sunlight beckoning me out of the shadows.’
Penny’s chest expanded and froze for a moment as she held her breath. ‘The things you say, my lord. How am I supposed to… I can’t… a marquess does not say such things to his maid.’
