Page 76 of The Confessions of a Lady
Loving Liam and being loved in return was a miracle, but a maid marrying a marquess? That delved into the realm of social blaspheme.
A duke fell in love with a mistress’ bastard. A soft lady sharpened herself into a lethal weapon. Hannah and Millie defied their destiny, so why can’t I become Liam’s wife?
Instead of triumph, fear washed through Penny. What if shedidaccept his offer? Standing in front of the entire beau monde, by his side, on equal footing with lords and ladies whose chamber pots she once emptied? Taking his hand and becoming a marchioness? How could she possibly dare so much?
In an extremely inconvenient moment of personal epiphany, Penny realised accepting Liam’s proposal and turning her wildest imaginings into reality was far more frightening than remaining exactly as she was with her dreams floating somewhere in the clouds.
Because if I marry him, everything changes.
Dreams were meant to be ethereal things, insubstantial and untarnished by reality. But achieving a dream brought it out of the cosmos and into the world.
And the world is an imperfect place.
Never being good enough meant Penny neverhadto be good enough. She could stay safe and still in her small bubble and never change. But if she accepted his offer, his public display of love, his declaration that she was equal to all the gently bred lords and ladies of England, she would have to transform. Grow. Step into a brand-new world as a brand-new creature. Which was frightening. Because she didn’t believe she belonged with the shining people above-stairs. And if she married Liam, that’s exactly where she would ascend. A very scary prospect indeed.
But I can’t stay stagnant in this fear forever.
Liam’s throat constricted and worry crept into his beautiful eyes. ‘Unless you don’t love me?’
His vulnerability was her undoing. She might be terrified of standing by his side, but she was more frightened of hurting him. Of losing him because of her own insecurities. ‘Liam, I love you more than I can express.’ Pushing up on her toes, she closed the distance between them, crushing her mouth against his.
Liam’s flat palm pressed against the small of her back, pulling her flush against him. He plunged his tongue into her mouth, tasting her, exploring, tempting.
But she couldn’t get lost in his body. In their mutual need. Not yet. There was more she needed to say. She pulled out of the kiss, out of his warm embrace, and backed up several steps. ‘Before I accept your offer, there is something I must say.’
Liam stood from where he leaned against the settee and moved closer as she stepped away.
‘What is there left to say? I love you. You love me. I’ve asked for your hand. You need only accept.’
Penny’s belly clenched. ‘Yes. And I will marry you on one condition.’
Liam took another step and Penny retreated again, her back crashing into the door.
‘Name it.’
Penny kept her focus on his hairline as he moved closer. She could smell the forest, fresh air, spice. Her mouth watered and she swallowed.
She forced herself to look at him and almost lost her nerve. He was offering her everything, and she was going to demand more. Squaring her shoulders, she pressed forward. ‘I want nothing more than to be your wife, but I will not give up my autonomy. You don’t want me to help catch the Devil’s Sons. You said as much last night. But I won’t be deterred. I will do what I can to bring these men to justice.’
He opened his mouth to speak, but she didn’t let him.
‘As your maid, I am still entitled to my own choices outside of this house, but society has different rules for wives. Rules I will not follow. You will always have my heart, but my mind and my will must remain my own or I can’t agree to this marriage.’
Liam clenched his jaw. ‘I am not taking away your autonomy, but I also won’t willingly risk your life. Not for anything.’
‘If I forbade you to attend this meeting, would you listen to me? Would you abandon your mission?’
He crowded her with his body, putting one hand by her head on the door and the other on the wood next to her hip, caging her in his arms without touching her.
But Penny Smith didn’t back down from anything. She thrust out her chin, daring him to engage in this battle. ‘You wouldn’t, would you? So how can you deny me the same privilege?’
‘It’s different,’ he growled.
Her eyes flicked to his full bottom lip and caught there. ‘It’s not. Don’t think this isn’t a terrifying prospect for me, Liam.But if I’m brave enough to claim my place as your equal, then I demand to be treated as your equal. It is my only condition.’
Liam ran the blade of his nose up her cheek, inhaling her as his lips hovered near her ear. ‘Your only condition is that I sacrifice you to the wolves?’ He sucked the lobe into his mouth, biting hard enough to make her gasp as her nipples budded. Every cell in her body fizzed with desire.
He is trying to distract me. It won’t work.
