Page 36 of All Night with the Cowboy
“Twelve years since we made out by the river.”
“Made out?” she laughed. “I think we did more than just make out and you know it.”
Tanner slowly released his fingers from hers and she stared down at her dinner, no longer wanting food. Anticipation fueled her, made her want to just tell him to shut the hell up with the reminiscing and make some new damn memories.
“Not in the mood for lobster?” he asked.
Lauren reluctantly picked up her fork and eyed the succulent, big pieces of lobster among the linguine and garlic. Dinner looked delicious, she was just hungry for something else.
“So are you serious about making a comeback in the ring?” she asked, deciding to change the subject. “Or are you just all talk, not wanting to admit defeat yet?”
“Hell yes,” he said, looking surprised by her question. “I thought I’d made that clear? It’s the reason we’re here. I’ll be making my comeback, you can be damn sure of that.”
Lauren finished her mouthful. “I just, I don’t know—don’t take this the wrong way—but I’ve been wondering if you were just pushing back at your family, because they wanted you to stop.”
“I’m a grown man now, Lol, in case you haven’tnoticed. I don’t need my father’s permission when it comes to my workormy personal life.” He gave her a long look. “Can you say the same?”
She coughed as she looked up at him, garlic catching in her throat. “You know, there’s a difference between needing permission and showing respect,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “I make my own decisions about my life, but would I be with a man my parents or even my sister didn’t approve of? I can unashamedly say I wouldn’t be, because our family time together is too precious to me. I love spending holidays together, my family means so much to me, and if I have a husband one day I want him to be a true member of my family.”
Tanner turned his attention back to his dinner, and she wished she knew what he was thinking. Had he changed his mind about wanting to be with her? Had she offended him?
“Is that why you ended things with me? Or was I just not good enough for you?”
Lauren groaned. For a moment she turned her attention to her food, eating a mouthful and then another, trying to figure out what to say. Was she supposed to be honest, after all this time, or did she keep her secret? Maybe Tanner deserved to know, but then what use was it confessing the truth to him?
“I thought we were just going to enjoy being together while we were here?” she asked. “But whatever my reasons were, they had nothing to do with you not being good enough for me. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” He was from one of the wealthiest, most well-known families this side of Texas—how the hell couldhe think for a second that she somehow didn’t think he was good enough for her?
“We are just in this for fun,” he said, his voice low as he reached for her hand again. This time his touch felt stronger, more determined. “But I’ve never forgotten that look on your face, and I’ve wondered all these years whether it was your decision or not. It was the one thing that drove me crazy, not knowing why.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said, trying to throw him off the trail, not wanting to go down this path. “All the beautiful women you’ve bedded, all the groupies who salivate over you when you’re on tour, haven’t been enough to get your mind off that moment? You’ve seriously thought about the why?”
His laugh was deep. “I’ve been well distracted, I’m not gonna lie, but something about you has always stuck with me. Tell me you didn’t feel the same and I’ll call you a liar.”
She shrugged. “Maybe I did think about that moment,” she said, confessing that much at least. In reality she’d played the moment over and over in her mind every single night, sometimes multiple times a day, remembering the hurt in his eyes, the pain she’d caused them both when she’d broken things off. “But it was a long time ago.”
“Tell me the why, Lauren,” he asked, and she knew she couldn’t keep putting him off without giving him an answer. “I just need to know if it was your parents. After all this time, surely it doesn’t matter if I find out?”
She sighed and took a long, cool sip of champagne. “It’s true. They gave me an ultimatum, and I gave in.”
“Just like that?”
She slammed her glass down on the table harder than she meant to. “No, Tanner, notjust like that. I fought and kicked and screamed, but in the end I had to make the choice I made. And it was the right damn choice.”
“What was it?” His voice was low, his stare was impossible to avoid. “What was more important than us?”
“My college tuition,” she confessed, her voice low as she finally told him what she’d held close all these years. “They paid my college tuition in full and I came out debt free and able to focus on the future I wanted to build for myself. The career I’d been dreaming of became possible because they helped me, because I traded us for my education. You happy now?”
He was silent for a long time, still holding her hand. She’d expected him to pull it away, but he didn’t.
“They say the truth sets you free,” he finally replied, “but now all I’m thinking is why the hell didn’t you just ask me for the money? Were you too proud? Why wouldn’t you have tried to find another way?” He laughed. “I could have paid whatever tuition you needed from my trust fund if you couldn’t have gotten your own loan.”
She blinked away tears as they slowly filled her eyes. It wasn’t often she felt the raw burn of emotion like that, not wanting to cry over anything ever, but this was Tanner, and talking about all this had plunged her straight back into the past. The decision she’d had to make, the things she’d considered to avoid having to end things, and why she knew she’d made the right choice.
“I did try to get a loan. I went to three different banks, I worked out my options, but seven years of studying was just…” She blew out a breath. “Working part-time covered my living costs, but my folks paid for the besteducation money could buy and I couldn’t match it. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to ask my boyfriend for the cash. What would your dad have thought if you’d told him you needed money for some floozy to go to college? I could never have asked that of you, and my pride wouldn’t have let you pay my way for me anyway.” She shook her head sadly. “I wanted to make my own way in the world, and my parents helping their daughter achieve her dreams is different than a boyfriend doing it.”
“You were hardly some floozy, Lauren.”
“To you, maybe not. But to Walter Ford? I’d have looked like some money-hungry gold-digger, and I could never have lived with anyone thinking I was with you because I wanted something other than just plain old you.”
