Page 50 of All Night with the Cowboy
He had a ranch to return home to, and he had to get himself ready to reclaim his title belt and show the world that he was still the best goddamn bull rider in the whole of Texas. He didn’t have time for anything serious, period, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let Lauren close again. Because he’d experienced losing her once, and he wouldn’t ever put himself through that again. That was something he couldn’t ever let himself forget.
The rain started to come down harder again as Tanner cursed the weather. They should have left the island earlier, and then he would have had time to help more people and get even more supplies where they needed to be. He’d been selfish not wanting to leave, and indoing that he might have jeopardized his chance to assist more people and communities in need.
***
Lauren sat in the restaurant that overlooked the pool on one side and the beach on the other. There were different-colored balls on each table that emitted a soft light, and the hum of a busy restaurant should have been enough to distract Lauren. But all she could think about was Tanner. Why wasn’t he back yet? How many trips was he going to do? What if something happened to him?
She smiled at the pretty Fijian waitress who came past her table, a flower tucked behind her ear, and turned her attention back to her food. It was getting dark, so her worries for Tanner had trebled, but it was foolish not to eat. Her stomach let out a low growl as she finished her whole snapper and side salad. Once she was done she signed to charge to her room and gave the waitress a tip, before running to one of the waiting golf carts.
“Thank you!” She moved under the plastic side cover keeping the rain out and tipped the driver when he pulled up outside her room. She ducked for cover and let herself in, flicking on a light and noticing that there was a noise coming from the bedroom.
“Tanner?” she said quietly. She looked in and saw his big frame sprawled out on the king bed. He was still dressed in his shorts and T-shirt, but his tee was damp and he had shoes on still. Tears welled in her eyes seeing him sleeping like that, knowing how hard he must have been working, for the best part of the day, to go back and forth between the smaller islands, and she silently removed his shoes and found a blanket to place over him. Then she silently took her own shoes off andcuddled up under the blanket with him, shutting her eyes in a fruitless effort to stop the tears from falling.
She loved him so much, this big, strong, handsome cowboy, but they weren’t meant to be. She’d hurt him too badly for him to trust her again, and she couldn’t give him what she knew he’d want one day. Not to mention she was under contract with the Rangers and he was preparing to go back on the circuit and restart his crazy-dangerous career.
They’d had their chance and it hadn’t worked out, and just because they’d had great sex didn’t mean they were supposed to be together. When they were back home, old feelings would creep in, Tanner would start to resent her again for the pain she’d caused him. Her family would refuse to believe he’d changed, and maybe he hadn’t? A bull-riding husband who regularly put his life in jeopardy probably wasn’t her parents’ idea of dependable, and to be honest, it wasn’t hers either, and she wasn’t about to tell him to stop doing what he loved. She wouldn’t ask that of anyone, not ever.
She snuggled against him and breathed in the scent of him, tucked her leg over his to steal some of his warmth, cheek to his chest. Tomorrow they might be gone, and she wanted one last night of sleeping beside him before they sat on opposite sides of the Ford family jet and headed back to Texas.
The wind howled outside as Lauren held on even tighter to Tanner, listening to the rain pelt the roof as the storm intensified, leaving her wondering if they were going to make it until morning unscathed.
Chapter 16
ALMOST twenty-four hours later, at the end of Christmas Day, Lauren looked back one last time before walking up the steps to board the jet. She settled into the same seat she’d sat in on the way over and stared out the window, not able to shake the feeling that something wonderful had come to such an abrupt end.
“It looks terrible, doesn’t it?” Tanner said, pulling her from her thoughts. “It was pretty violent last night and this morning.”
She nodded and kept staring. They were lucky their plane had been on standby, and they’d only been cleared for takeoff in the last hour. Before that the conditions had been too dangerous, but they decided to leave instead of staying on, which meant it had been exactly two weeks since they’d arrived.
“I hate that this huge divide exists,” she admitted. “Here we are being whisked away in a private jet, and yet there are so many people stuck here on this island. Their homes have been ruined, their lives destroyed by one single, cruel strike of nature.”
Tanner reached for her hand across the aisle and she squeezed his fingers back. They’d made love that morning, but it had been different. Before, they’d been relaxed and slow; or, when it was intense there was that amazing connection, being held in Tanner’s arms, nestled against his body as he thrummed his fingers across her body. But this time it had been different. He’d tucked into her from behind and they’d silently had sex, her rocking back into him, his mouth against her hair and his hand cupping her breast. After, he’d pressed a single kiss to her cheek and slipped out of bed and headed for the shower. It had been goodbye sex, and it was like neither of them knew what to say. Or how to behave.
“Every single worker we met at Vomo is going to be okay. I’ve left money for each and every one of them to help, and I donated a hefty amount to the Red Cross this afternoon. We’ve done everything we can, Lauren, and a damn sight more than most who’ve fled Fiji over the last few days.”
She knew he genuinely wanted to help, and she appreciated everything he’d done, but she still felt guilty. Not to mention torn over leaving the place in her own selfish way, when she’d expected to be staying for so much longer.
“Tanner, when we get back, would you like me to stay on as your PT or would you like me to recommend someone else to take over?” It was the question she’d been waiting to ask him, not sure how to read his disconnect. Part of her wondered if he was worried about what he’d seen the day before, but the other part of her, the sensible part, knew that it was him carefully trying to distance himself from her. Just like she should be doing to him instead of holding out some stupid hopethat they could keep their little charade going on a bit longer.
His hand fell away from hers and she wrapped her arms around herself now, suddenly feeling cold. It was as if he could read her thoughts.
“I think I’ll find someone else to take over,” he said in a low voice. “I think we’re best to just…” He gave her a sad kind of smile. “I’ve had an amazing time with you, but I don’t think I could go back to a professional relationship, seeing you all the time without…” He cleared his throat, his voice trailing off. “Nothing’s coming out sounding like it’s supposed to.”
“What happens on Vomo, stays on Vomo,” she said, bravely facing him and trying to sound more certain than she actually felt inside. They’d both agreed on this, and he was clearly finding the whole situation as difficult as she was. She didn’t need to make this any harder on him—she’d known this was coming and it was best to be honest about what they’d had. And what was coming to an end.
The flight attendant came to check on them and gave them each a bottle of water before takeoff, and Lauren settled in and did up her belt. She wondered what he was thinking, whether he was as sad as she was about ending things, about getting off the plane and never seeing each other again. Their paths wouldn’t cross—they hadn’t in twelve years before now—and sadness hummed through her body as she thought about never touching, never kissing, never looking into Tanner’s eyes again.
It was breakup pain all over again and she couldn’t stand it.So much for protecting her heart and keeping things casual.This was why she was supposed to dateserious guys who made sense on paper, men who she wouldn’t fall completely head over heels for—she was supposed to be with the guy who wasn’t capable of breaking her heart into a million pieces.
“Tanner, can you promise me one thing?” she said quietly, surprised by how easily she managed to say the words. She’d expected them to choke up in her throat.
He looked surprised. “Sure. Shoot.”
“I’m worried about you, and I know that you’re not mine to worry about, and I know you don’t want to be told what to do or that your career is too dangerous, but just promise me that if you don’t feel right, you won’t ride. You can’t mess with your body, and if your leg or your wrist doesn’t feel right, you need to acknowledge that and sit the ride out. I wish we’d had longer here, because you still have a lot of rehab to go.”
“Sweetheart, I’m not stupid,” he said. “And I can always tape my wrist.”
“And risk damaging it for the rest of your life?” she asked, incredulous. “Tanner, that’s ridiculous—even you must know that. And for what? So you can win a few times, preserve your ego, and then suffer for years in arthritic pain?”
