Page 51 of All Night with the Cowboy
“Ah, and here we go again. Someone else telling me why I should give up now and spend the rest of my life behind a desk. Have you been waiting all this time to tell me that I’m never going to be able to ride again? Did my family put you up to this?”
“Tanner, stop,” she begged. “Look, I’m not your mother and I’m not your girlfriend. I’m saying this to you as your physical therapist. I want you to look after yourself, and if that means sitting a ride or two out, thenso be it. I’m not telling you to give up, I just think you might need a longer break from the sport.”
“Yeah, you’re right, you’re not my girlfriend. You gave away that privilege without needing any encouragement.”
“Ohmygod, are you kidding me?” She unscrewed the top off her water bottle and took a long sip. “What happened to the guy flying helicopters and making donations? The guy who made love to me on the goddamn beach?”
Tanner glowered at her and cleared his throat. “He’s the same guy who likes to risk everything to feel alive on the back of a bull or a bronc,” he said. “And anyone who can’t understand that part of me can go to hell. I thought you got me?”
She felt her pulse start to race and took a deep breath and another sip of water. Where was the Tanner she’d just spent fourteen days with in Fiji? Hell, the pasttwelvehours with even? What had happened to the fun, warm, happy guy she’d been so close to falling for all over again? Or did he genuinely just have his back up all of a sudden because he thought she was no different than everyone else in his life? “You know what, you need to chill the hell out. As your PT, my aim is to keep you in the game for a long time. That’s what I do, and if a player I worked with wasn’t operating at a hundred percent, I’d be wanting him on the sidelines until he was ready. This has nothing to do with any personal connection we’ve had.”
Tanner didn’t say anything for a long moment, but when he did, Lauren was relieved that he didn’t sound like quite such a jackass.
“Fair point, I guess I just don’t think of myself as an athlete,” he said. “I’m more of a one-man band and I’m not used to listening to anyone else.” Tanner made a grunting sound. “I’m sorry.”
She laughed. Well, that was damn obvious. “Well, one-man band or part of a team, we only get one body and we have to protect it. So get over your issues and remember what’s important, and stop treating me like I’m not capable of making a professional recommendation.”
There was an uneasy feeling between them as they were wheels up and away, and Lauren wished they were about to land on Vomo for the first time. She wanted to step back in time and experience those days on the beach all over again, instead of flying through the air on Christmas Day and wondering how the hell she’d managed to let Tanner back into her head—and heart—after vowing to never get close to him again.
“You want something to eat or drink?” Tanner asked. “I just”—he paused—“I didn’t actually mean to be a total jackass before, it’s just a sensitive topic. You know how it is with me and my family over this kind of stuff.” He blew out a loud breath. “I am sorry.”
Lauren had her back up now, and no amount of hearing him say sorry was going to change that. “Well, if I hadn’t known then I definitely know now.”
“Lauren, come on, I’m just sick of everyone jumping down my throat about what I do. I thought you were jumping on the bandwagon, that’s all. Mia’s the only person who’s ever just accepted what I do and encouraged me to follow what I want to do instead of anyone else’s expectations of me.”
“The difference between me and everyone else is that I wouldn’t dream of telling you what to do, Tanner. It’swhy we wouldn’t have worked out, because I couldn’t have stood by and been your groupie for the rest of my life, and I also couldn’t have told you to stop.” She stared at him, long and hard. “But there’s a big difference between telling you what to do and trying to give you professional advice to ensure you cankeepdoing what you love. Your problem is that you can’t see the woods for the goddamn trees.”
Tanner shifted in his seat, and she listened to him move. “So you’re saying we wouldn’t have worked out, even if your old man had let me keep dating you?”
Lauren clenched her bottle of water tightly between her fingers, needing to be honest, to tell him the truth. “Exactly. What happened, it happened for a reason. We would only have ended up broken-hearted later down the track and it would have hurt a hell of a lot more. We’re different people and we had different paths to take.”
“Yeah?” Tanner grunted.
“Yeah,” she said, yanking her iPad out of her bag and shoving her buds in her ears. She scrolled through to find a movie to watch and pulled out a cashmere sweater, not about to engage with Tanner for another second longer while he was being an ass. She didn’t like this version of him, and it was like the moment they’d hopped aboard the jet he’d gone straight back to being the guy she didn’t like, the one she’d been so cautious about going away with in the first place.
She’d been right to insist on things being casual between them. They’d had an amazing time, but it had also shown her why she needed to be with someone more levelheaded, someone who wasn’t going to send her on a roller-coaster ride of emotions all the time. She neededa stable, calm, sensible man in her life. She was okay with career driven, they just needed to have the same goals and the same outlook on life. And she needed to be able to keep a little piece of her heart shut away, so the entire organ couldn’t be ripped into pieces and stomped all over. Or maybe she just needed to keep that little piece locked away for Tanner, because no matter what she said or did, he’d always mean something to her, and he’d always have a piece of her that could never, ever be returned.
***
When their plane finally landed on the runway, Tanner was sore. He stretched out his legs and yawned, looking forward to crashing in his own bed.Shame Lauren wasn’t coming home with him.As if she knew he was thinking about her, she looked over and he gave her a tight smile, wishing he hadn’t been such an asshole when they’d boarded. He knew she was only trying to help, but something about her telling him what to do, when he’d listened to people doing that to him all his life, had grated him up the wrong way. It was like after so many years of being backed into a corner about his choice of vocation, he was hardwired to snap whenever someone brought it up. The Zen-like feeling being on an island had started to fade the moment it had become clear they were going to have to fly home early.
And he was trying to deal with the fact that what they’d had, their little holiday fling, had come to an end. He wanted to hold her tight and ask her to stay with him, to tell her they were perfect together if they would both just give in to the damn attraction between them. But he clenched his jaw tight instead and didn’t say a word. It wasn’t worth it and he sure as hell wasn’t about to begher. She’d made it clear she wanted fun not a future, that she wouldn’t date someone her parents didn’t approve, and that her career was the most important thing to her.
He knew which battles were worth fighting, and he didn’t back a losing horse. What he’d never confess to her or anyone else was that he would give up his career for the right reason, that what made him prickly was other people in his life thinking they knew best about what he should spend his time doing. He loved the adrenaline rush of bull riding, he loved the money, and he loved the lifestyle. He’d succeeded on his own terms and he was damn proud of it.
“There are two cars waiting, Mr. Ford,” the attendant announced, coming to stand by his side. “Is there anything else you need me to organize for you?”
He raised his head and smiled. “Thanks for asking, but I’m fine. Lauren?”
Tanner watched as she unbuckled her seat belt and stretched. “Thanks, I’m fine too.”
They both gathered their things and Tanner stood, waiting for Lauren to exit the jet down the stairs before following her. There were a hundred things he could have or should have said, but the words that had flowed so easily between them on the island had all but disappeared.
Lauren turned on the tarmac, her bag in one hand, the other shielding her eyes from the sun. The air was cooler here, so different than the humid, constant warmth in Fiji.
“I guess this is goodbye,” she said, as the drivers from each car collected their bags and put them in the trunks of their respective sleek black vehicles.
Tanner didn’t know what to say. Lauren’s eyes wereshining and he wanted to sweep her into his arms and tell her it was stupid, the whole thing. What they’d done, both being too stubborn or too scared to at least try to be together—but he couldn’t see the point. They’d had an agreement, and their time was up.
