Page 68 of All Night with the Cowboy
Chapter 20
TANNER hadn’t been this nervous when he’d eyed up Thunder Cat and prepared for his last ride. He wiped his shirtsleeve against his brow, wondering why the hell he was sweating so much when it wasn’t even a warm evening. He reached for Lauren’s hand and liked the fact she pulled him in and tucked her arm around him, her hand finding the pocket of his jeans just like she’d used to do so often.
“Just because you’ve turned into Mr. Romantic doesn’t mean we can just slap a Band-Aid on and fix everything,” she said, leaning deep into him. “I hope you realize that.”
“The only Band-Aid we needed was for my head,” he joked. “And trust me when I tell you I’ve got my head straight.”
“You’re sure about that?”
He laughed. “Yeah, well, when it comes to you I have.” He hadn’t mentioned his retirement to her, but then she hadn’t asked and he liked that about her. He had kept thinking about what she’d said about them bothbeing dedicated to their careers and loving what they did. She hadn’t liked the thought of either of them losing out on what they loved. If she’d insisted he give up riding, he would have bucked against it and probably dug his heels in and refused. But this was his decision, and he’d made his peace with it now. Over beers he’d listened to Ryder tell him that the best thing in his life was his family, and it had made Tanner think long and hard about his future. There was only so much pleasure he could get from riding, and now with his father unwell and so many other things going on, the timing seemed right.
It was like the time he’d given up smoking. His sisters had told him it was a disgusting habit, the girl he’d been seeing on and off kept telling him to quit, and he wouldn’t,couldn’t, quit. But the day he’d decided to put his health first on his own terms? He’d smoked his last cigarette and never, ever picked one up again.
“Tanner, where are you taking me?” Lauren asked. “It’s cold out here.”
“Come on, it’s not far.”
He’d driven them most of the way, but there was an elevated spot that overlooked the river that he wanted to walk the rest of the way to. When he’d planned this, he’d had no idea whether her parents would even let him in their house, let alone Lauren saying yes to coming with him or even feeling the same way he did. But she had, and he wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to show her how much he’d thought about her and how great they could be.
“This won’t take long,” he told her as his lips brushed her hair. “It’s just up there.”
He tugged her along, knowing that she must think hewas absolutely nuts to have her out in the dark. But the moonlight was enough to go by, and the lights from his truck had illuminated part of the way, too.
“Is this where we rode the other day?” she asked, stopping and looking around like she was trying to get her bearings. “This is—”
“Our place,” Tanner said, finishing her sentence. “Down there is where we had our first kiss,” he said, holding her close to his side as he stared down into the darkness. “It was where I got to second base, then third.” He kissed her when he paused this time, then let go. “And whatever other bases there are,” he murmured.
She returned the kiss, reaching for him when he stepped backward. “What’s that there?”
Tanner walked backward a few more steps then squatted down, feeling around for the switch he’d left on the ground. He waited a moment, in the dark, wondering if he’d gone too far, before flicking it. Lights twinkled on the low grass, sparkling in a huge, magical square, and Tanner stood and went back to get Lauren.
“What is this?” she asked, taking his hand and walking back over with him. “It’s beautiful.”
“This is the where I want to build us a house one day,” Tanner said simply. “If I can prove myself to you and we can make a life together, I want to live here, overlooking the one place in the world that means something to both of us.”
“Tanner,” she said, her voice a low hum in her throat as she parted from him and stepped inside the square. “I don’t even know what to say.”
He let her walk around a moment, watching her, imagining the house they could build, the home they could create there one day.
“I was a show-off a lot of the time when we were seniors, but when we were down there, together, I was able to let my guard down and just be me,” he told her. “Over here, we could have our kitchen, looking down over the river, and our bedroom over there. It can be something we dream about and plan for years before we even do it, if you want to, but this is where I see myself in ten, fifteen, hell, even thirty years’ time.”
She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, and relief passed through Tanner. Lauren held him so tight and he stayed still, eyes shut.
“This is so perfect. I can’t even believe you did all this for me,” she said, voice mumbled against his back.
“Is there abutcoming?” he asked, turning in her embrace and tucking his arms around her, too.
She didn’t say anything for a while, just stared up at him in the dark, the fairy lights like a halo behind her, twinkling away as he waited for her to say something.
“I want this to work, Tanner. I really do,” she said, but there was a catch in her throat, an uncertainty in her tone.
“But?” he asked softly.
“But I don’t think I can deal with a broken heart again,” she said. “I’ve protected myself all this time and kept myself in this bubble I guess, and I know I can’t live in that bubble forever, but it’s kept me safe.”
He relaxed, knowing exactly what she meant because he’d thought it himself a thousand times over. “I know. But we’re both risking it all here, Lauren. You know how we are, we were always all or nothing, and I don’t expect it to be any different this time.”
They stood in silence, wrapped in each other’s armsas Lauren moved closer to him and turned her head to look back at the lights.
