Page 123 of Misery
'Subject left apartment at 8:22 AM. Arrived at Bubba's at 9:15. No incidents.'
But as the months progress, they change.
'E painted for three hours tonight. Something violent. Reds and blacks. She was crying. Wanted to go to her but maintained position.'
'E had panic attack behind bar. Managed it herself. Proud of her.'
'Three Los Coyotes scouts at Bubba's. Eliminated before E's shift ended. She never knew they were there.'
That one makes me stop. "You killed people when you were watching me?"
"Three times. Groups that got too close. That showed too much interest." His voice is matter-of-fact. "You never knew because I made sure you never knew."
I keep reading.
The reports become less clinical, more personal.
'E smiled today. Real smile, not the fake one she uses for customers. Worth everything to see that.'
'Want to tell her she's safe. Want to tell her everything. Can't. Orders. But mostly because she'd run and then who would protect her?'
The last entry is from the night before the first time we kissed:
'I'm fucked. Completely fucked. This isn't surveillance anymore. This is something else. Something that's going to destroy everything. Don't care. She's worth the destruction.'
I hand the phone back. "You fell in love with me."
"Yes."
"While watching me without my knowledge."
"Yes."
"That's fucked up."
"Yes."
"But you never would have acted on it? If the attack hadn't happened?"
He's quiet for a long moment. "I don't know. I want to say no, that I would have stayed in the shadows forever. But watching you fight so hard to be normal, to heal, to create beauty from horror... I don't know if I could have stayed away forever."
"So, you're a stalker who might have become more."
"Yes."
"And Thiago was a stalker who definitely became more."
"He became everything I was afraid of becoming."
We stand there in the parking lot, two drives in my hands, the weight of truth between us.
"I need to see my father," I finally say.
"I know."
"And then we need to talk. Really talk. About everything."
"I know that too."
