Page 161 of Misery
From Oskar, it took his friend.
But it gave things too.
Gave me Oskar, complicated and violent and mine.
Gave me strength I didn't know I had.
Gave Helle the push to leave she might never have found otherwise.
In the morning, I'll paint something new.
Something for Helle.
Something about sisters and secrets and the kind of love that survives even inadvertent betrayal.
Blues and grays for grief, but maybe some yellow too.
For hope. For new beginnings. For the sun that shines the same in Texas as it does here.
I'll mail it to her when she gets settled, a piece of home she can hold onto or burn as needed.
But tonight, I just lie here in this cottage that's seen so much.
Where I was first kissed by the man who'd been stalking me.
Where my sister came to say goodbye.
Where we're all trying to build something from the ashes of what we've destroyed.
The MC life gives and takes at the same time.
No, that's not true.
It takes more than it gives.
Always has.
But we stay anyway, most of us.
Because it's all we know.
Or maybe leaving means victory.
Maybe Helle's the smart one, the strong one.
Maybe we're all just too stuck in this tar pit to see that struggling only makes us sink deeper.
"Do you think she'll find happiness there?" I ask. "In Texas?"
"I think she'll find something different. Sometimes that's what we need."
"I miss her already."
"I know."
"It's not fair. None of it."
"No. But it's what it is."
