Page 55 of Off the Grid
“The power’s still out, but the storm passed,” she said, just to fill the silence it seemed. Another moment later, she pushed him forward gently until he felt the hot spray against his skin. “I’ll be right back.”
She disappeared. Leo didn’t notice. He put his hands against the wall, leaning into the tile, and let his head fall forward so the water assaulted the tight knots in his shoulders. He stood like that for he didn’t know how long, keeping his eyes closed and his body still, praying the water might wash away the stain. But it was deeper than a simple shower could reach.
“Did your father hit your mother?”
Leo froze.
The words were so soft, so muffled by the shower, they could’ve been imagined. But they weren’t. He knew they weren’t.
“You don’t need to tell me,” McKenzie continued in the same careful tone. “But if you want to talk about it, I’m here. I can be there for you, the way you’ve been there for me.”
He didn’t say anything. He just turned his head to the side and opened his eyes. She was silhouetted by a soft yellow glow—candles she must’ve brought into the bathroom. The curves of her body were blurred by steam. Rivulets of water coursed down the glass divider between them, breaking up her image. As he saw her sitting there, gaze focused on the wall and not on him, lower lip pulled into her mouth, body and soul bared in more ways than one, the shell around his heart cracked. It dropped away. He didn’t know why or how or what about her had done the trick, but his mouth opened, and so many of the things he’d kept inside for so long came pouring out.
“My father was abusive,” he said, letting the water take the words from his lips. McKenzie didn’t answer, but he was sure she heard. “It started before I was born and went on for as long as I can remember. Only ever with my mom, but she never did anything. She just took it. I think maybe she thought it was better it be her than us, not realizing there was a third option—for it to be no one. Then one day, my dad went after Manny. He reared his arm back, and I went crazy. I beat the shit out of him with a baseball bat and kicked him out the house and told him never to come back, and he didn’t. But that wasn’t the end.”
He swallowed, not sure how to continue.
“Your dreams?” McKenzie prompted as though reading his mind.
“Nightmares, more like. I had visions of him coming back for revenge, but they were easy enough to handle, easy enough to control. When I got back from the war, everything changed. I was having a flashback, before, with you. They’re—they’re so vivid, you can’t even believe. It’s like I’m back in the Middle East. Like I’m—”
He broke off as his throat caught.
“Have you ever seen anyone about it?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because—” He paused and shifted his position, dropping his arms to his sides as he lifted his head, letting the water smack him in the face. He rubbed his palms over his cheeks and up into his hair. “Because I didn’t think anyone would be able to help.”
McKenzie saw right through his bullshit. “Why, Leo?”
He turned to stare at her through the water and the glass. Somehow, her blue eyes were crystal clear. “Because it happened once before, right when I got back from overseas, one of the first times I had these nightmares. I was with a woman and I—I hit her in my sleep, by accident, and by the time I woke up, she was on the floor, curled into a ball, watching me with this look in her eyes, this fear. She was watching me the way my mom used to watch my father, like she didn’t know what would come next, like she was braced for impact, too terrified to move, like I was a monster. And I couldn’t bear to tell anyone, for fear that they’d tell me the awful truth. That I was just like him.”
“You’re not.” McKenzie jumped off the vanity, fluid in the candlelight.
Leo watched her step closer. His heart pounded, urging him to run, to flee, but his feet were glued to the ground, as though the shower water had turned to chains, holding him hostage. He stared, helpless, as she pulled open the door and stepped inside. The steam wrapped around her body, welcoming her in as his arms hung useless by his sides. McKenzie gripped his jaw. The tips of her fingers dug into the hair at the back of his neck. Catching his eyes, she waited until she knew he was paying attention. It was the tender gleam in those irises that brought him back to life, sending a blast of heat deep into his chest, warming the numbness from the inside out.
“You’re not a monster, Leo. You’re the furthest thing from a monster I can imagine. In fact, you might just be the kindest, noblest, most amazing man I’ve ever met.”
He dropped his gaze to her lips, wanting to drink the words in, to swallow them, as though somehow that might make them stick.
He did the next best thing.
He kissed her.
McKenzie didn’t flinch at his touch or run away in fear. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him back, leading where he followed. Leo pulled her beneath the water as his hands roved over her wet skin, closing the distance between them. Unlike last time, this kiss didn’t feel like a battle to be won, like a game between opposing sides, each one fighting to come out on top. This time, their kiss felt like two halves of a whole, joining together, not sure how they’d survived so long apart.
- 20 -
McKenzie
When she woke in bed the next morning, McKenzie was alone. A chill spread across her bare shoulders, made colder by the memory of Leo’s warm, sturdy arms wrapped around her. She’d had a feeling he would leave after she’d fallen asleep, but the thought made her sad in a way she couldn’t explain. He was too good a person to be afraid of himself.
Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, McKenzie rolled over, finding a clock next to the bed. The screen was blank, which meant the power was still out. The storm, though, was long gone. Streams of sunlight coursed through the window, casting the bedroom in a golden glow. The trees outside were bright green and glittering with early morning dew. She had no idea what time it was. Hell, McKenzie hardly knew what day it was. New York City felt a million miles away, as though she’d spent weeks in these woods with Leo instead of mere days. Without the storm and the dark hiding the rest of the world from view, reality came rushing back. Soon, the power would be on and a rescue team would come with it. Her time with Leo was coming to an end. For all she knew, it might already be over, as though last night were just dream, gone as soon as they both opened their eyes. The very idea made her heart pinch.
With a sigh, she rolled off the mattress, found her discarded flannel pants on the ground, and tugged them up over her hips. Her shirt was still in the kitchen—the memory of Leo yanking it off brought a rueful grin to her lips—but abandoning an unmade bed wasn’t in her blood. McKenzie hastily tucked the sheets into place, folded the duvet back over, and arranged the pillows before turning toward the door. Walking around naked in the middle of the night was one thing, but it felt different to be nude in the bright light of day, more intimate somehow. She shielded her chest with her arms and kept her head down as she tiptoed down the hall. Her shirt was on the floor by the kitchen island. McKenzie slipped it over her head like armor, then took a deep breath and spun, ready to face Leo.
