Page 33 of A Ferry Merry Christmas
“What do you mean you don’t belong? You’re my husband, whether you want to claim me as your wife or not,” she whispered fiercely, not wanting Olivia to overhear. This news would crush their daughter. All she really wanted for Christmas was for her daddy to be with her.
“I’m not going to argue with you, Beth. I don’t belong. It’ll be awkward for everyone. You don’t need that on Christmas.”
“It won’t be . . .” She wanted to argue, but before she could say another word, Logan continued.
“You should have made a better choice in a husband. It’s time you accepted that and moved on.”
Beth folded her arms and stiffened at his words. Her throat thickened and she was afraid to speak for fear the tears would leak into her voice. After several awkward moments she felt composed enough to respond.
“You’re right, Logan, I do deserve better. When we married, I believed in you. In us. I felt that no matter what the future held, we would face it together . . . that the love we shared, the home we built, would see us through any storm. I was wrong, though, wasn’t I?”
He didn’t answer, not that she expected he would.
“I got pregnant with Olivia, and when I told you, you freaked out,” she added.
“We weren’t financially ready for a family,” he reminded her, as if this was news she hadn’t realized.
“Who is ever ready? We talked about starting a family and we kept putting it off. I didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I was on birth control, and while you might think our daughter was an accident, she is anything but that. She is my entire world.”
“I love Olivia, too,” he insisted. “More than anything.”
“Deep down I believe that, which is why I find it so difficult to understand why you walked away from us. Is it me you can’t love?” Despite every effort, tears leaked from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She was sick of his silence. Sick of him leaving her to face life alone instead of them standing tall together, supporting each other. Sick of all the lonely nights she spent longing for her husband.
“How can you say I don’t love you? I pay support every month, and let me tell you, it isn’t easy. I’ve sacrificed so much for Olivia and for you. I’ve gone without lunches and made do with worn-out work clothes.”
Beth was tempted to remind him of all the things she’d done without, too, but remained silent.
“I live in a basement a friend is renting me that is cold and dank to make sure you and Olivia have what you need,” he continued.
“You’re right, you meet your obligations,” she agreed, both angry and hurt. “But don’t you see how much Olivia idolizes you? How much she misses you? Didn’t you notice how excited she was to see that you were here on the ferry? What do you think she’s telling people?” she asked, and gestured to Olivia excitedly chatting with Virginia.
Before he could answer, she responded for him. “Olivia is letting everyone know her father is going to spend Christmas with her. All she wants is time with you, time with her daddy.”
Several uncomfortable moments passed before he spoke. “Like I said earlier, I’m not the man for you. I’m a rotten husband and an even worse father.”
The urge to argue was hard to hold back. He’d been a good husband until he’d learned her parents had helped with Olivia’s medical expenses.
Logan had always stressed about finances, and the future. Each month he grew more and more depressed, especially when they ran out of money for key items such as electricity and groceries. Beth knew it was wrong not to tell Logan her parents had paid off the medical bills. Because she was a stay-at-home mom, she paid the bills each month. They reviewed them together, deciding how best to budget their income. She hid the fact that the medical bills had been paid, knowing how upset it would make him. It didn’t take long for Logan to figure it out when there was suddenly enough money for a few extras they had done without for years. Instead of being grateful, he’d taken her parents’ help as a slight against his manhood and his ability to support his family.
From that moment forward, it felt like Logan gave up on them. Since they split, it seemed like he’d set out to prove that she could have made a better choice in a husband and a father for Olivia.
Neither spoke for a long time.
Skipping with her pigtails bobbing, Olivia approached her father. “Do you want to draw a picture with me?” she asked Logan, oblivious to the tension between them.
Beth turned to stare at Logan. If he turned Olivia down after everything she’d just said, she didn’t know if she could remain quiet. He was already determined to disappoint her by not sharing Christmas with them.
“I’m not good at drawing,” Logan said reluctantly.
“That’s all right,” Olivia said, unwilling to accept his excuse. “I can show you how to draw a reindeer. I learned how in my art class at school. I do it really good.”
“I bet you do,” Logan said. “But I don’t have any pencils or paper.”
“I can get it for us. See that boy over there. His name is Kevin and he’s eight. His mom brought some stuff to keep him entertained, so he has paper and colored pencils. His mother said they would be happy to share.” She looked expectantly at her father.
After what felt like an eternity to Beth, he said, “Okay, pumpkin, you can teach me to draw a reindeer.”
Olivia’s face burst into a huge smile as she raced across the room to where Kevin sat with his parents.
