Page 35 of The Damsel
“Come, Cass … what good was going through with it if you do not intend to do it again?”
She cleared her throat, clutching her tumbler between both hands. “It isn’t that I haven’t repeated it. I have … very recently, and with Rob —Mr. Stanley—again.”
Shock appeared on Millicent’s face for a moment, only to be replaced with amusement. “Well … it would seem that our friend Robert was a more than satisfactory lover the first time around.”
Thinking of the things he’d done to her with his pretty mouth and skilled fingers, Cassandra grew hot.
“Satisfactory is a mild word,” she hedged. “And, as it happens, his family estate borders Easton Park. He is my neighbor now.”
“How convenient.”
“Is it? Or is it a complication I do not need? We were supposed to spend that one night together and part ways without a look back.
Now …”
“Now, he’s close enough that you could have him whenever you wish. Providing he’s amenable to such an arrangement.”
Robert’s glassy blue eyes appeared in Cassandra’s mind, heavy-lidded with desire and wild with desperation. She’d been hard-pressed to forget his fervor, the desire that had grown and swelled between them until it enveloped them in a torrent of primal ecstasy.
“Yes, but Robert strikes me as a romantic,” she argued. “I chose him for my first time because I knew he would submit to my demands. He did that, quite better than I’d expected.”
“It sounds as if the two of you are well matched. You have certain needs, and he is capable of fulfilling them. That sort of connection doesn’t come often for women like us. What is the problem, dear?” Cassandra drained what was left of her brandy and sighed. “The romantic part … It will become a problem if I allow this to go on, I know it will. He is … too sweet, and … and he keeps saying these things about my hair and my eyes, and …”
“Perhaps he simply finds you attractive, Cass,” Millicent said, her voice low and soft as she gave Cassandra a pointed look. “Not all compliments are lies.”
“I am no beauty, and that is the truth.”
“You do not find yourself beautiful. Shallow men who do not know how to look beyond the surface may not either. But Robert might be different.”
“None of them are different!” she snapped, tearing her gaze away from Millicent’s and staring off across the room.
She was uncertain why she was lashing out at her dearest friend, but something deep within her had rebelled at this notion that Robert might be special somehow. Perhaps his hidden desires spoke to the part of her that enjoyed being in control. That didn’t have to mean anything beyond the meeting of cock and cunt.
Clearing her throat, Millicent shifted until she sat closer to Cassandra. “I certainly do not mean to pry or push you into something you may not be ready for. But, darling, would it be so horrible to let yourself enjoy it? It can be difficult to find a lover who can give you exactly what you need—especially when those needs are as singular as the ones you and I have. He only has to be the first, he does not have to be the last, or the only. As for that romantic streak you spoke of … you could make it clear that you want none of it. It is possible to engage in such a liaison without involving matters of the heart. I’ve done it many, many times.”
Cassandra glanced up to meet Millicent’s gaze and sighed. “You’re right, of course. I’m sorry, I … I don’t know what I was thinking. This is all so new to me, and the last time I let a man ply me with pretty words …”
She swallowed down the bile rising up in her throat at the thought of Bertram. Her hands clenched around the glass until she feared it might crack, yet she could not seem to ease her grip. The rage and revulsion she felt at the mere thought of the man who had ruined her had never abated, even after all these years.
Prizing the glass from her grip, Millicent took one of her hands and squeezed it. “You are in control, Cass. If Robert is open to the sort of arrangement you want, then I see no reason why you cannot indulge. Aside from the fact that it could help you to heal, it will also be a smashing good time.”
She laughed and glanced up to find Millicent grinning at her, a mischievous glint in her blue eyes. “You are right, as always. Why shouldn’t I have my fun? The men of our acquaintance certainly do!”
“That’s the spirit. Now, why don’t you come with me? After our ride in Hyde Park, you simply must accompany me to Bond Street. There is a hat in the milliner’s window I’ve been salivating over for weeks. Oh, and there’s a marvelous little coffee house I want to take you to. They have the best scones I’ve ever tasted. By God, you aren’t wearing a coat! Come, you can borrow one of mine.”
Letting Millicent take her arm and guide her from the room, she put Robert from her mind for the time being. Upon her return to Suffolk, she would make it clear that she was open to an affair of sorts. If he wanted the same thing, there was no need for any more of this worrying and thinking. For the first time in her life, Cassandra was free to live her life as she pleased. The entiretondespised her anyway … there was no longer any need to have a care for propriety.
Robert Stanley would be hers for as long as she wanted him.
A FEW NIGHTS LATER,Cassandra stood in a crowded ballroom drinking watery lemonade and trying to keep her prey for the evening within her gaze. She had wished to return to Suffolk days ago, and wasn’t ashamed to admit to herself that it had a lot to do with her desire to see Robert again. She spent her days thinking up inventive ways to give him more of the pleasure-pain he seemed to enjoy, and her nights stroking herself to climax while imagining every filthy thing she’d do once she got her hands on him again. When her mother and sisters began to vex her, she simply allowed her mind to wander to the carnal imaginings that dominated her thoughts as of late. If they wondered at her secretive smiles, they did not bother to ask. Not that they’d ever ask anything about what interested her, or what she thought. It brought her a great deal of amusement to imagine shocking them with the sorts of things she got up to when no one was looking.
Her plan to journey home had been waylaid by the arrival of an invitation to a ball at the home of Lord and Lady Gilbanks. The newly wedded couple had opened their new townhome to every member of theton, it seemed, and the invitation had been for all the Lane daughters as well as the dowager. Lady Gilbanks was the daughter of a wealthy nabob who’d sought to elevate his family’s standing in society by using a substantial dowry to help her nab a titled husband. He’d struck gold, and his daughter was now a countess. Because this would be her first event as Lady Gilbanks, she seemed determined to stuff her ballroom with as many bodies as possible. Inviting controversial people such as Cassandra and Millicent ensured the affair would be packed, as no one could resist congregating in order to gossip and stare down their noses at those who’d fallen out of their favor.
There was only one reason Cassandra had opted to attend, and he was standing near the dance floor amongst another group of gentlemen. They waited for the orchestra to begin playing so they could collect their first partners for the night.
Sir Wilfred Downing.
Unlike her past targets, this man was not a rapist. At least, she had no knowledge of any such crimes. However, Cassandra had seen the bruises Lady Downing tried to cover with powder and rouge, the careful mincing steps she’d taken when Cassandra had spotted her walking in Hyde Park. The moment her eyes had connected with the other woman’s, she had seen it. She had known.
