Page 19 of Tempting the Bluestocking
Staring down into the murky depths of her teacup, Clare mulled that over. It wasn’t the first time the notion had come to mind, and her aunt had just reminded her that she’d yet to make a decision on that front.
“I like him,” she confessed. “As more than just a lover. I enjoy the time we spend out of bed as much as in it.”
Reaching for a second cake, Helene smiled. “Then you certainly need more time with him. That sort of compatibility does not happen often, as you well know. Why not enjoy it?”
Clare took a few sips of tea before answering. While on one hand she agreed with her aunt that she ought to enjoy this while it lasted, she also understood that more time could cause her to become hopelessly entangled with Edward. That much had already been proved the night of their conversation over Indian cuisine. He’d delved far too deep into her deepest longings, and now they’d been brought to the surface.
Upon her coming out and first Season she’d grown bored with the men she was supposed to consider for marriage. There had been the men who’d treated her as if she had some sort of contagious disease because she’d rather discuss politics and science than the weather. There had been those who’d displayed interest in her, but they were either as boring as doorknobs or their interest had turned out to be purely carnal in nature. Until now, there had been no need to think of such matters, but now she could not help but wonder how things might end if she allowed this arrangement to last much longer. An unexpected surge of yearning shot through her, shocking Clare with its intensity. For the first time in a long while she longed for more—for companionship and intimacy, and the sorts of things that could only last a short time with a man like Edward.
“He’s come into this arrangement expecting it to last for thirty days,” she said, voicing her thoughts while untangling them in her mind. “If I end it as planned, we both walk away having gained what we originally sought with no harm done. But, what if we carry on another month, or three, or six? How much harder will it become to part ways then?”
Arching an eyebrow, Helene perused her with pensive eyes. “I suppose that all depends. Are you worried it will be harder for Edward, or yourself?”
Propping her feet up on a nearby footstool, Clare sighed. “Myself, I suppose. He’s only doing this in order to save his family’s failing business and care for his siblings. One keeper will do as well as another for his purposes, whereas I…”
I will be devastated to become attached to him, only to realize the feeling is not mutual.
Helene’s expression lit up with understanding, then melted into something akin to pity. “You’ve never had both a friend and a lover in the same man before. You worry that you’ll want more from him than he’s willing or able to give.”
Dash it all, she didn’t want to admit it, but her aunt’s words were true. Her pride stung as she was forced to admit that what she feared most was heartbreak. Though they were having the most wonderful time, he did not express tender sentiments or an inkling that he ever desired a more permanent liaison. Edward had the potential to make her want the things she’d convinced herself she could live without. And it would destroy her when it turned out he didn’t want to go on giving them to her forever.
Reaching out to touch her hand, Helene drew Clare’s gaze, her expression one of determination and understanding. “Only you can decide whether it will be worth it in the end. Sometimes, people are meant to enrich our lives for a short time. The trick is, learning when to let them go. Whatever you decide, I am glad you gave this a chance at all. There are some experiences a woman should never miss, and a good, thorough tupping is one of them.”
That little quip got a smile out of her, lifting her mood a bit. Perhaps Aunt Helene was right and she was simply over-thinking the matter. Edward would be a temporary part of her life that she’d enjoy until it was over—like an ice at Gunter’s, or warm summer rain, or the short life of a fresh-cut rose.
“Aunt Helene, however did you come to be so wise?”
“Experience and age,” her aunt replied with a shrug. “When you get to be as old as I am, wisdom comes along with the gray hairs.”
“Oh, rubbish,” Clare snorted. “You’re no more old than I’m a pigeon.”
“You only say that because I’ve never told you my real age.”
“Whenwillyou tell me how old you are?” Clare teased. “I’m twenty-one now.”
“And youstillaren’t old enough to know the truth. Ask me again when you turn thirty. The revelation of how ancient I truly am will be my gift to you that year. Now, come. We have just enough time to take a walk before dinner.”
Happy for the temporary diversion, Clare left the drawing room with her aunt. They parted ways to go fetch hats, gloves, and coats, with Clare deciding that her misgivings concerning Edward could be forgotten for now. Too much worry would hamper the fun of it, and they still had a fortnight left.
Edward glancedup from the ledgers before him as the door to Norton & Rivers swung open. Squinting against the sudden flash of light, he discovered that Hugh and Benedict had come to call. These days, anyone who knew him understood that his mornings and afternoons were mostly spent within the office of the shipping line, where he worked tirelessly to set things right. After the first official day of his and Clare’s arrangement, he’d felt secure in delving into the funds Benedict had given him after taking his percentage.
His first order of business had been to pay the debts owed to the suppliers and craftsman, then ordering the goods needed to repair the damaged ships. He’d been told that at least three of them could be prepared to sail within a fortnight, and sure enough he’d received word just yesterday that those repairs had been complete, the vessels ready for cargo and a crew. While waiting, he had thrown himself into gaining back a few of the sailors who had worked for his father, who in turn had recruited as many of their previous mates as possible. He appointed a captain for each ship and had charged them with assembling full crews as soon as possible.
This afternoon, he would secure warehouses for goods, which would complete the groundwork enabling him to court their lost clientele back to the line. It was his hope to have the first ships at sea within the month, which would be enough to provide the first income the business had seen in half a year.
After paying the business’ debts, he had increased the wages of the woman acting as both his cook and housekeeper, then given both Caroline and Jacob a small stipend to purchase new clothing. He’d even been able to give them both a bit of pin money for the time being. They’d been thrilled with even so small an amount to spend on themselves, but he had assured them there was more to come. He’d begin searching for new lodgings and hiring on more servants once the first shipments were secured and he was certain the flow of income could become a steady trickle.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Hugh said as Benedict closed the door, leaving them with tapers and the open shutters for light. “You must be terribly busy.”
“For once, being terribly busy involves making money as opposed to losing it, so I don’t mind it much,” Edward replied, gesturing toward the set of chairs facing his desk. “Please, sit down.”
While they made themselves comfortable, Edward set his pen aside and stoppered his inkwell. Benedict removed his hat and rested it on his knee, casting a curious glance about the empty office. Edward had dusted and polished the furniture, but had done little in the way of sprucing up the space. That seemed trivial when his ships were only just being repaired, but it stood among the things he wished to accomplish in the near future.
“We don’t want to take up too much of your time,” Benedict said, his gaze coming to rest on Edward once again. “It is customary for me to look in on new courtesans to assure they are settling into their first arrangements well.”
He couldn’t help the smile that came to his lips as Benedict’s words brought Clare to mind. He’d parted ways with her at sunrise this morning, loath to leave her warm bed but needing to return home and freshen up before coming into the office. They had plans to share dinner this evening, which of course would lead them straight back to the bed. Their time together had been brief, but he found himself thinking of her often while working, and looking forward to returning to her when he’d finished for the day.
“Clare and I are getting along just fine,” he replied. “She’s a lovely woman and quite a joy to be with.”
